Him: *stops* “Umm, Miss Doctor?”
Me: “Sir?”
Him: “I just want to be sure that’s how you want your sock and your pants leg to be.”
I pause and look down.
2/ My pants leg was jammed into my sock. My sock that I pulled from my son’s sock basket. The Superman one with a hole in it. That didn’t match my other one.
Him: “I wasn’t trying to be in your business but something told me that wasn’t the look you was going for.”
*laughter*
3/ Me: “I love you for this.” *reaching down to adjust my sock*
I stood back up, stopped and faced him.
Me: “Thanks, sir.”
Him: “It’s okay. I could tell you having one of them hurry-days.” *chuckles* “I remember them days well.”
*silence*
Me: “It IS a hurry-day.”
I sighed.
4/ Him: “Just make sure you slow down at different points to see stuff on them days.”
Me: *listening*
Him: “New morning, new mercies. You don’t want to miss ‘em.”
*silence*
Me: “I see a really kind man who told me my pants leg was stuck in my mis-matched sock.”
*laughter*
5/ Him: “Well. I see a lady doctor with salt and pepper hair who look like she smart and she trying to do some good in this world.”
*ooph*
Something about hearing that punched me in the chest and made my eyes prickle with tears.
Especially on this sleep-deprived hurry-day.
6/ Because my whole hurry-day was because I was trying to do some good. I so was.
Whew.
He held up a hand and waved.
Then, before I could say more, he was down the hall near the E elevators.
I stood still and watched him. Because I wanted remember him and that moment.
Yeah.
7/ So today, that happened to me. At the very start of what was trying to be hurry-day of trying to fit too much into not enough.
But.
“New morning, new mercies.”
Something about those words made my whole day pivot in a positive direction.
All in a 30 second exchange.
8/ Nope. My hurry-day wasn’t perfect. But it was filled with tiny sparks of beauty and wonder.
And I paused at different points to see them. I did.
Yeah.
Not sure who else needs to hear this but slow down so you don’t miss the mercies, okay?
1/ They stood in clusters near the emergency entrance. Their expressions were tell-tale of some abrupt awful.
Yeah.
Two people embraced, burying their faces into one another and rhythmically crying. Another person watched with folded arms, face covered in a sheet of tears.
2/ A few feet away, I saw this youngish man pacing & cursing. He intermittently dragged on a cigarette, muttering, "I can't believe this shit."
A woman who appeared close to my age stared into space as a younger woman bear-hugged her from behind. Her eyes were so vacant.
Whew.
3/ A man came running diagonal across the street from a car. He looked like the woman with vacant eyes.
When she saw him, they crumpled into one another. His muffled, guttural sobs. . . so primal, so raw.
All of this against the backdrop of a perfectly blue sky.
1/ There are these moments in medicine
that are awesome
No, not the "like totally" kind
but the kind that evokes
a real, true feeling
of wonder and magic
Awesome
Today, I am reflecting on a day
that I witnessed awesome
The real, true feeling
of wonder and magic
in medicine
2/ A young student doctor
stared into the eyes of his patient
a nonagenarian Grady elder
This would be a first for him
breaking bad news
or rather heavy news
to a real person
with a real life
hearing that real news
the kind of news that alters
real plans
Yeah
3/ With hearing as sharp as her wit and cognition
his patient was aware
aware of what he said
aware of what he meant
Yes, she was
And so
he uttered that word that sometimes chills blood
and stops tracks
Him: "Is that a tattoo on your wrist?"
Me: "Yes, sir."
Him: *scowls with disapproval* "You a doctor with a tattoo on your wrist?"
Me: *chuckle* "Yup."
Him: *squinting* "Is it real? Like. . . permanent?"
He leaned a little closer.
2/ Him: "What do it even say?"
Me: "It says 'sister.'"
Him: "'What you go and do that for? Was ya scared you was gon' forget you somebody sister or what?"
*laughter*
Me: "No, sir. I actually had a sister pass away in 2012."
Him: *eyes widening* "Really? Aww, sugar. I'm sorry."
3/ Me: "Yeah. Definitely not a club I wanted to be in."
Him: "I hear you. Lord knows I know 'bout that. But I'm older than you. You seem kinda young for that."
Me: *shrugs* "I guess. But from what I hear, it's no good no matter how old you are."
Him: "That sholl is the truth."
1/ There are things that happened that led to things that happened that led to things that are happening. If you don't want to call it by a name, just describe it.
And instead of it feeling like some pressured mandate, look at it the way we look at all things.
As history.
2/ History.
Not something designed to make someone else feel ashamed. Not a wagging finger or even a quest for moral distress. Just the things we do when we care for patients. We ask questions.
About the things that happened.
3/ That led to things that happened.
That led to the things that are happening.
You know?
And this is necessary to know. Not just "the in thing." But just a thing that we need in our arsenal to do a good job caring for human beings.