Thread by @BohuslavskaKate

It's going to be very long thread about first hours/days of war, how it felt for me and my family, and what Kharkiv looked like back then. I don't know who needs to read this but I know I want to write this...

It might take time for me to finish
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During February there was a lot of different opinions in Ukrainian political and public spaces about weather or not russian is going to invade us. By the end of February it was clear the possibility is very high
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However people didn't want to believe it. We kept living our normal lifes. People were working as usual,  stores was full as usual, retaurants full of people, we were building plans as usual.  "War can't happen to me" you think to yourself, "It's insane, it's just insane"
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Feb 23 is my sister in law b-day.  I called her to congratulate, she thanked me and invited to a family bbq next Saturday. But few hours later she called me "you've heard putin's speech. maybe War will start by Saturday so come tonight, I dont want to postpone" she said.I agreed

We had a family dinner that night. There was only very close family: my parents, my brother's family, my husband and I. It was weird.Have you ever seen those scanes in the movies where people have bit of time before some battle and they try to have some fun? In reality it sucks

During dinner we got the news that Kharkiv airport is closed. We knew what that must mean. We couldn't bring ourselves to make a proper plan though, it was hard to talk about, we were still hopeful that its just  a scare.
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the only thing we agreed on is if anything happens my parents house is where we should gather. For several reasons but main on is it had basement where we could hide
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When we came back home after the dinner I was worried. I took a backpack and threw all our documents in it. My husband looked at me like i lost my mind at first. But then brought me spare phone charger, laptop, and the change of socks and underwear for my backpack. 8

Later it turned out that what we had in that backpack would be the only thing we are going to take with us. 9

We both were worried but Max never had such a problem falling asleep as I do when I worry, so at some point during the night he drifted off. I was scrolling through social network when  I heard first series of explosions at around 5:15.
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I jumped out of bed like it was on fire waking max too. We sat there in silence looking at each other with mad eyes hoping it was just some wierd dream, scared to make a sound...
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But we heard next series of explosions in Just a couple of minutes. it wasn't a dream... Internet connection in our apartment building immediately went down, my husband also lost mobile connection but I had it. I maneged to wake my parents before I lost It too
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It was the scariest moments of my life, we've been in way more dangerous situations later but I have never been more scared then during those first hours.The worst was probably the information vacuum multiplied by endless doubts.. plus the idea that fucking war happens to YOU!
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We had no idea what happens outside, are we getting bombarded to the ground like Syria? Should we just go to underground parking then? Or we can drive to my parents still? Or maybe there is already fighting in the streets of Kharkiv and we must stay.
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It took us more then an hour to just decide we can't stay in the apartment building on 6th floor. It was too unsafe. Our building has underground parking but we are to high up to reach it fast if we must.
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We couldnt decide if we should take our cat or come back for him tonight or tomorrow?Its stupid thing to argue about when war begins, but the true is we were both just lost. At the end we figured we shouldn't leave the little guy alone. If its unsafe for us its unsafe for him.
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We grabbed our cat and a backpack
That was it. we had no idea yet but we did not came back home until September.The clothes we had on, documents,charger and a cat was all we had been left with.
Just like that ambitious people with plans and careers we were few hours ago was gone

Trip to my parents house that usually takes 15 minutes took us around 1.5 hours. People were fleeing,  clogging traffic and endless lines on gas stations were clogging it even more. But by the time we got there connection was restored
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We saw on the news how we were loosing territories with the speed of light.  Along with lifes of our defenders.  My mother in law who was in the hospital in the village on the border with Russia got into occupation in the first minutes
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It was mental hospital where people were not allowed to have a phone with them, and were not well enough to take care about themselves without help. It scared us. Not being able to reach out was the scariest. We could only hope. 20

Later when Bucha happened and we still had no connection I've seen real uncontrolled fear in the eyes of my husband for the first time in 12 years I know him. He was helpless. And it was scary
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Next few two days in Kharkiv was a challenge. We had no idea if we will get occupied. But we needed to be ready and so thought everyone.  Getting food was a challenge lines were crazy, and so was shelling. Gas was a challenge, insulin was a challenge...
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Our brave defenders was able to hold the city but ever intensifying shelling was horrible. People were blowing up in they homes, in their beds, in the food lines, burning in their cars. Kharkiv was burning and bleeding. Soon they started dropping air bombs on us
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Those were devastating. No basement was safe anymore but we kept hiding there. And the sond of fighting jet flying low above your house makes you freeze in fear, makes your heart stop  its... undescribable. I would wish this experience on my worst enemy.
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Those jets created a huge second wave of refugees.  On the picture you see rail stations in Kharkiv in early March.  I snapped too. I couldn't bear it anymore. This constant fear, no sleep, explosions made me want to escape anywhere. Anyhow.
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We decided not to go back home to gather our stuff as the area was often shelled. My parents refused to go "we were building this house our whole life. We are too old to start over" they said. I cried my eyes out when we said our goodbyes not knowing if I will see them ever again

The road is for another thread. We got shelled in the traffic in the city outskirts but managed to get out. For now I will end this as it is already way too long. Thank you for reading

Clarification: what I've tried to say with the part about cat argument is that we were completely and utterly lost, didnt know what to do, and could not comprehend the idea that we might not come back home soon. This confusion on top of fear made any decision making so difficult