Thread by @MikeStuchbery_

In celebration of @Obsidian's #Pentiment being released, I decided to put together a list of the things every small German town seems to have. #everysmallgermantown

The inhabitants of every small German town have a bizarre nickname, related to some obscure historical event.

Within fifty kilometres of my home, we have the 'Onion Eaters', the 'Moon Extinguishers' and the 'Corpse Rollers'.

Every small German town has a dimly-lit sports and shooting club at the edge of town, with crates of beer out the back.

When it's not being used for competitions or copious drinking, it's where the underage drinking happens.

Every small German town has the ruins of a medieval castle close by, on top of a hill.

Much of the time, the ruins are unsecured, and sporadically crumbling.

It's also a place for underage drinking, bonfires, and blasting Sabaton or similar metal. twitter.com/i/web/status/1…

Every small German town has a regrettable incident from the 16th or 17th centuries when the crops failed, and a whole bunch of old ladies and teenage girls ended up getting burned as witches.

Every small German town has their own beer, that is only available within a 5km radius, but if you don't order it, shit gets 'Wicker Man' really quickly. twitter.com/i/web/status/1…

Every small German town has a ghost story that seems innocuous enough, but talking to an old coot, they'll tell you the *real* story, often involving murder, rape, pedophilia, incest and/or cannibalism.

And the old coot believes in the ghost 100%, he's seen it. twitter.com/i/web/status/1…

Every small German town has a farmer who keeps up ploughing up weird old coins that he has no time for, and will give you a handful if you ask nice.

Every small German town has a family That We Don't Talk About. There's no outward indication of why, and to what end, We Just Don't Talk About Them.

Close research would reveal the reasons often go back several generations, to a fistfight over pigs in 1880. twitter.com/i/web/status/1…

Every small German name has a very specific dialect word for a bread roll, and God help you if you don't know it, because you won't get served otherwise. twitter.com/i/web/status/1…

Every small German town has young ladies who are frighteningly proficient with a sharp farming implement, and have a free and forthright approach to sexuality, that some English-speakers may find confronting.

Every small German town was, at some stage, part of seventeen different states, territories, kingdoms, duchies and fiefdoms - in addition to the Roman Empire, the German Empire or the two modern German states. Or Austria. Or France. Or Poland. Or Cezechia. twitter.com/i/web/status/1…

Every small German town has a patron saint who, often quite locally, was martyred in some ridiculous fashion, one you've never thought of before.

Every small German town has the church built in 1950... and the church built in 800.

Every small German town has a mineral water spring that tastes like pure ass, but damn if it doesn't cure your hangover, makes your hair grow back, fixes your worn ligaments and increases your libido. twitter.com/i/web/status/1…

Every small German town has a festival - often a variation of carnival - where the normally dour, pious locals switch to costumed, fun-loving humper monkeys for a carefully scheduled period.

Usually there is a weird call you're supposed to respond to, like 'Ah-hah-hüü!'.

Finally, every small German town has one isolated bus stop where a bus only comes once a month, when the stars are right and the moon is dark. Nobody knows why.

It's still in DB Navigator.

Buy #Pentiment on Xbox or Steam. /FIN