mattschnuck Profile picture
Nov 22 14 tweets 3 min read
A famous researcher predicts divorce with 91% accuracy.

He invented a game to protect against the #1 relationship killer.

Here it is (in 3 minutes):
Actor Jonah Hill has a new Netflix documentary (Stutz) about a famous therapist.

The film details the tools Jonah learned from Dr. Phil Stutz that changed his life.

Dr. Stutz believes gratitude is the only emotion that can cut through the black cloud of negative thoughts.
Another famous psychologist, Dr. John Gottman, revealed that Contempt was the most predictive pattern that killed a relationship over time.

Contempt is criticism with an air of superiority.

But Contempt was revealed to have an antidote: Gratitude.
Gratitude is a magic emotion.

When you feel gratitude, you can’t feel anger or sadness at the same time.
So Gottman invented a very simple game.

It’s called Gratitude Tennis.

It only takes 3 minutes to play.

Here’s how:

1. Player one serves up something they are grateful for.

2. Player 2 must “return” the gratitude with something they are grateful for.

3. Repeat “serving” gratitudes back to all the players until the 3-min timer goes off.
Bonus Points:

Share something you are grateful for related to someone playing the game.
Gratitude is fantastic for your health. And it is especially powerful to receive.

As Dr. Andrew Huberman points out:
Gratitude Tennis creates a structure where everyone involved has a chance to receive it.

The game works at home with family and friends.

It even works on zoom with remote work colleagues.
WARNING (for whoever suggests Gratitude Tennis):

-Some will think it sounds cheesy or awkward.

-You may get a few eye rolls (the physical manifestation of contempt).

This is where you lean on the short 3-min timer.
Resistance to the idea of Gratitude Tennis occurs because the game forces the sharing of authentic emotion.

Unfortunately, that is not the norm for many relationships.
People resist the idea of the game because breaking that norm is uncomfortable.

Have resolve.

The game provides a structure to break through that norm and get into deeper connection.
With Gratitude Tennis, I’ve never seen a game finish without wall-to-wall smiles.

Good luck.

To my friends in the US, may your holidays have more gratitude and less contempt.
If you enjoyed this thread:

• Follow me @mattschnuck for more threads on EQ, entrepreneurship, and growth.
• Retweet the first tweet to share the game of gratitude tennis and the science behind it.

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More from @mattschnuck

Nov 20
How to avoid a life of regret.

The Paradox Map.

What it is and why everyone needs to know it:
People work hard to achieve.

Some hope there will be no stress on the other side of achievement. I did.

But stress is not a one-time problem to solve.

That is an illusion.
A problem to be solved is something that can be done ONCE.

Think of it like catching a ball.

It might be a difficult catch, but once the ball is caught, the problem is solved.
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Nov 16
Psychologists have identified 4 ways friends and colleagues interact.

But only 1 of them contributes to personal growth.

Here it is (and how you can be an incredible friend):
Our friends and colleagues shape our lives.

Jim Rohn famously pointed out:

“You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.”
In early life and throughout middle age, we spend a lot of time with friends and co-workers (h/t @sahilboom)
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Nov 13
A famous experiment exposed the No. 1 killer of high-performing teams.

Here it is (and how you overcome it):
Experiment: Which group builds a taller tower?

-MBA Students

The answer reveals the invisible assassin of team performance.
A lot of people bet on the MBA students. Smart. Hungry. Motivated.

But they did the worst.
Read 15 tweets
Nov 10
Elon Musk is reshaping Twitter.

How’s he doing it?

With this classic reinvention playbook:
Many of Elon’s moves on Twitter are getting lots of criticism.

The WSJ thinks he is defying “Management Mantras”
But I’ve studied reinvention for 20 years.

To experts of reinvention, his initial moves are following the classic reinvention playbook.

Read 20 tweets
Nov 6
A famous psychologist can predict divorce with 91% accuracy.

A-list celebs and billionaires go to him with their relationship challenges.

Here’s the most destructive pattern he identified (and how to protect against it):
Dr. John Gottman is a world-renowned researcher.

For nearly 50 years, he’s studied the science of relationships.
He was able to predict divorce with 91% accuracy by identifying 4 patterns in conflict.

These patterns predicted the end of the relationship.

They were called the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

The most predictive of them all was Contempt.
Read 15 tweets
Nov 2
The most sought-after exec coach in Silicon Valley coached

Then went on to coach the CEOs of Reddit, OpenAI, Coinbase....even Sequoia Capital.

Here’s the tool he uses to help Naval & CEOs unlock success AND happiness:
You can’t actually hire Matt Mochary as a coach.

As @balajis would say, he is “post-economic.” He only works for the people he chooses.

His clients are either the fastest-growing tech companies or the top 5 VC firms.

Fortunately, he is very generous with sharing his techniques
Matt has a tool he uses to identify each executive’s Zone of Genius.

He used this with @naval when he was still running AngelList.
Read 18 tweets

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