Thread by @StevenAPare

Married couples between the ages of 20 to 25 are 60% likely to get a divorce.

My wife and I got married when I was 23 and she was 22.

We have been happily married for over 30 years.

If you are a young newlywed and want to divorce-proof your marriage, here's how...

Divorce is a $28 billion-a-year industry in the U.S.

The average divorce in the U.S. costs over $15,000.

And that number doesn’t even begin to represent the incalculable costs of:

→ A fractured family
→ All the broken dreams
→ The weight of shame and failure

Do you want to reduce your chances of divorce to less than 1%?

Then aim to keep the following "Ten Commandments of a Rock Solid Marriage".

If you and your spouse BOTH aim at keeping these, you can build a truly Divorce Proof Marriage.

1.) Thou shalt not neglect to prioritize your relationship with your spouse above all other human relationships.

Your relationship with your spouse is the most important relationship you have with another human being, bar none.

This includes your children, parents, friends, bosses, clients, siblings, etc..

***This does NOT include God or yourself.

(Your relationship with your partner benefits immensely if you also have a healthy relationship with the transcendent and with your own heart.)

2.) Thou shalt not allow divorce into your conversation.

Do not entertain the thought, nor even speak the word divorce.

Of course, the word itself can be used, but never in the context of speaking about your own relationship.

3.) Thou shalt not attack your spouse.

If you are dealing with a conflict or issue, imagine that you are shoulder to shoulder with your spouse attacking the issue. Not each other.

This does not mean that you don’t address issues. It means that you place the issue separate from your spouse.

Learn to describe reality without blame.

As Rumi put it, "Out beyond ideas of rightdoing and wrongdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there."

4.) Thou shalt interpret your spouse’s actions and words in the most generous way you can conceive.

Assumptions of intent should always default to the positive.

When your spouse says or does something that hurts you, do not assume they meant to hurt you on purpose.

Have compassion and remember that hurt people hurt people.

St. Vincent de Paul advised over 400 years ago:

"Make it a practice to judge persons and things in the most favorable light at all times and under all circumstances."

This especially applies to your spouse!

5.) Thou shalt keep date night sacred.

Never stop dating your spouse!

Do whatever it takes to go on dates together regularly.

The harder it is to make it happen, the more important it is to make it happen.

6.) Thou shalt not treat your partner with disrespect.

The following are poison:

→ Mocking sarcasm
→ Condescension
→ Hostile humor
→ Name-calling
→ Eye-rolling
→ Mimicking
→ Sneering
→ Ridicule

Keep the out of your relationship no matter the cost!

7.) Thou shalt not withhold intimacy from your spouse.

Intimacy includes but is more than simple sexual satisfaction.

Aim at being as deeply connected as is humanly possible, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually with your spouse.

8.) Thou shalt not punish your spouse by walking away or giving the silent treatment.

Withholding yourself from your spouse until they change (like you want them to) is very damaging in the long term.

If you are in a state of emotional overwhelm it may actually be better not to speak in the moment.

It is ok to wait. Take a break. Circle back later.

20 minutes is enough to cool the emotions.

Sometimes longer is needed to process thoughts.

9.) Thou shalt not deflect when feeling defensive.

In a conflict situation it may not entirely be your fault. But it is highly unlikely that your part is 0%.

Recognize that you play a part and take 100% responsibility for your part.

10.) Thou shalt not lie.

Your marriage is the place where you both can take off all masks and can say, “I want to know you more and I want you to know me more”

Telling the truth is the foundation of trust.

And trust is the foundation of a rock solid, divorce proof marriage.

I recently received this amazing compliment:

“You and your wife have been such a beautiful example of what a strong healthy marriage looks like. Thanks for going before us and leading the way!”

How would you like to get a compliment like that in 10, 20, 30 years?

I am offering a free month of coaching to a select few young men who are serious about leveling up their marriages.

If that sounds like you, send me a message and I'll be in touch with the details.

twitter.com/messages/compo…

If you enjoyed this thread, please:

1. Share what you thought in a comment

2. Follow me (@StevenAPare) for more

3. Retweet the 1st tweet below to share this thread

{{ 1 }}