the sheer fucking cosmic horror of knowing that I live on an actual alternate timeline. that there is an actual point of divergence for me
in 2017 I visited china as part of a multinational SF writer delegation to see china’s emerging facial recognition technology, which the company was trialing as part of a payment system, but the government having access to photos from IDs for recognition was already established
since then, the CEO of that company has disappeared after criticizing government regulators (he appears to be alive, but who knows how accurate that is), a new genocide campaign began, and facial recognition is now used to surveil people’s every movement during forced isolation
I wrote #InTheWatchfulCity as a direct result of that trip, in an attempt to envision how surveillance could be perhaps not utopic, but at least a tool for guardians of a nation to ensure the wellbeing of their citizens and that no such disappearances like the CEO’s can happen
I’m fucking back in the US where we have abundant effective vaccines and people refuse to get them because of fascist ideologies and go on letting COVID rage on and continue to kill and disable people
while ppl in china COME TO THE US FOR VACCINES because theirs isn’t effective
the chinese vaccine isn’t effective and loses protection power over time, but the US won’t share ours because we’re capitalist warlords who’d rather have more money making a public good proprietary than consider the wellbeing of the whole fucking planet
just fucking bizarro world to be safe, for some measure of “safe,” in a christofascist country, while my kin who I diverged from are suffering. as fucking dark as hunger indeed
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ok all, from now on my color matches with paint names are gonna go in the tag #TheAutumnGraceCollection, “autumn grace” being of course an extremely HGTV-worthy translation of my chinese name that makes this all sound very boutique décor
#TheAutumnGraceCollection 0107 KB, Chaparral Jade, a muted green-gray, evoking rolling hills of coastal sagebrush on an overcast day
every day I feel more and more grateful that I went to a large public school that nonetheless took a liberal arts approach, it was just such a good setting for encouraging inquisitiveness, and it makes me sad carolina’s had so much trashfire lately
I feel like a lot of schools outside the South just sort of take education for granted, in a way, by assuming that everyone’s coming from a certain level of prestige with a certain “wholeness” to their psyches—without baggage, with a tabula rasa
but in the South there was a baseline understanding that a whole swath of the population has been derided, marginalized, and told they’re inferior simply for existing in the South, and there was a lot more like… deconstructing that, I guess, questioning such norms
tbh at this point I want to make a Social Media & Digital Hygiene course to explain things like link tracking, outrage traffic, and all the places where private identifying information is stored e.g. on Twitter that people simply aren’t even aware about
I would make it so accessible, even a boomer dinosaur would understand 😑
it would also include self-moderation tools and tips to curate your space and make it more pleasing and enjoyable, as well as DBT techniques to counter secondhand trauma and also social media-induced depression & anxiety
my favorite thing about sinosphere bylines is you’ll have 3-character names like Liu Cixin, 2-character names like Xia Jia, nicknames like A Que, then 4-character pseudonyms like The Scent of Ink, The Stench of Money, alongside handles like Ash Fox and mononymic ones like Dhew
then you start adding in diasporic bylines that incorporate western names, but do them in different orders depending on locale and context, there’s me as S. Qiouyi Lu but then bylines like Xueting Christine Ni but also Rafaela Yilun Fan
but then singaporeans do different orders such as Western Name, Family Name, Chinese Name that put both surname orderings into a hybrid format that’s accurate for each convention
working theory: my executive dysfunction gets worse in the winter because I have less sunlight (which in ADHD brain is “time the world is awake to do things”) and more night time (which in ADHD brain is “time for 2am ZOOMIES, by which I mean HYPERFOCUS AND INSOMNIA”)
we tend to have disrupted biorhythms where we naturally hit a second wind like late at night, so more night, obviously, makes us even more disrupted
currently I work a 5:30am to 2:30pm shift, so I go to work before the sun rises, get 1 hour of sunlight during lunch, and 2 hours of sunlight after work, of which 1 is spent commuting, so, tl;dr, it’s time to get a sun lamp and do the opposite of my summer regulation cycle