Akiva Cohen Profile picture
Dec 4 37 tweets 12 min read
Hey, #LitigationDisasterTourists ...

So, I've been a bit busy this week and this weekend. But as you all probably know, on Thurs the 11th Circuit issued its ruling overturning Judge Canon's insane order appointing a special master to review materials seized at Mar-a-Lago
Let's start with the panel who issued the ruling and how they did it.

If Trump could have drawn up his dream panel, this is probably what he'd have picked: 2 judges he himself appointed, plus Pryor, an arch-conservative who's called abortion docs as "abortionists" in opinions
That "Per Curium"? It basically means "all of us, equally and together"

Many times, it can be the sign of a panel that doesn't want to have a particular judge's name associated with a controversial opinion. Here, it reads way more as "we're in lockstep because this is obvious"
And yeah, oh boy is it ever obvious.

Let's run through the opinion
They get right to the point: before you can get to Trump's ludicrous substantive arguments, you have to deal with the fact that he has no right to raise them before Cannon at all.

And since he has no right to do that, the whole thing gets tossed with a vengeance
I'm going to skip the factual recap
Start with first principles: Federal courts are courts of limited jurisdiction - they can only hear some specific cases, not all - so if you want to get through the door of the courthouse it's on YOU to prove your case is one they're allowed to hear
This may surprise some people, since Federal courts are wildly powerful
But as we all know, vast cosmic power comes with
Here, Trump was asking the Court to invoke "equitable jurisdiction" - basically "no, the normal rules don't allow me to bring this case to you, but it would be so fundamentally unfair for me not to be able to that you should let me do it"

That's ... not an easy ask
It's worth taking a look at the facts in Richey v. Smith, which is the case that set out the immensely hard-to-satisfy test for exercising equitable jurisdiction, to see what types of facts justify it.
1) Records are taken for use in a criminal investigation without a warrant and without Miranda warnings

2) The gov't refuses to return it
Based on that, the appellate court sends it back to the district court to consider whether fundamental fairness requires the parties to be returned to their starting positions
Here, of course, the government had a warrant to seize the records, which makes this case dramatically different from Richey.

As the court is, um ... gonna point out
Basically, unlike Judge Cannon, the 11th Circuit recognizes that if Trump's view of "when this rule can be invoked" prevails, *everyone* who had property seized by warrant would be able to bring these motions. And that's not what this type of jurisdiction is for.
Of course, the subtext of Trump's motion was "don't worry about that - I'm a special person, I get special rules that mere ordinary Americans wouldn't get access to"

And Cannon took that subtext and made it text: "this rule is just for ex-Presidents"

But that's not what law is
The whole point of the Rule of Law is it applies equally to *everyone*. No special rules for special people.

And yeah, sometimes that's a principle more breached than honored. And sometimes it's a "the law in its majesty equally bars rich and poor from sleeping on the streets"
But ... it's what the law is *supposed to be*. And this panel, unlike Cannon, is going to hold that line.
They start with the first gate: "callous disregard for constitutional rights"

If you want the court to take the case on fairness grounds, it can't be run-of-the-mill; you need an egregious violation of your rights.

Courts don't supervise investigations-in-progress
Here, nobody argued there was callous disregard. So the case was doomed from the start.

And as the court points out, even callous disregard isn't enough - because though that's bad, you still need more than that to get the court to intervene in an investigation-in-progress
Gotta pause here for a bit. This'll be a stop-and-start thread today. Sorry
OK, factor number 2:
If you want to ask the court to jump in because the seizure is so fundamentally and deeply unfair, you need to show that you actually have an interest in (ownership or a right to possess) and need for what was taken.

Trump didn't bother
Now this is a slap at Judge Cannon. Correctly calling her "undeterred by" the fact that Trump didn't meet the standard is going out of its way to say not only that she got it wrong, but that no reasonable judge would have ruled that way: The problem was obvious, she didn't care
You can't just say "they took my stuff"

No kidding, my guy. That's what happens when you get served with a search warrant. You need to identify *specific* stuff that it is *critical* you get back right away. *WHY* do you need those Celine Dion pictures back right the hell now?
No, seriously, what was he planning to do with those pictures?
Anyway, so ends Trump's case on the second factor; if you can't show you need the documents back, you lose - even if you can't understand why the government needs to keep them
Factor 3: will you be irreparably harmed if the government keeps the documents?
Again, the panel takes the time to point out that Trump basically biffed this part entirely in his brief to Judge Cannon - who stepped in with entirely new and different reasoning to rule for him anyway.
And then methodically details why those new reasons are, in technical terms, dumb as fuck.

This applies to EVERY warrant ever. They are *ordinary*. And ordinary issues can't support extraordinary relief
Last Richey factor: Is there any other way to address the supposed issues?
Again, the panel takes eminently well-deserved swipes at Judge Cannon: "look, I'd really like the government not to be able to use the stuff they seized as they try to prove the crime they think I committed" is not a fucking reason to grant relief
Shorter 11th Circuit "This is what a search warrant means, dumbass*"

*Dumbass here applies to both the party and the court below
But also ... you can't win on this factor when there was no violation of your rights in the first place.

"remedy for what?"

(Those italics are some serious judicial shade, btw)
Having crushed Trump at every turn, the panel sums up:

Applying the rules Trump wants would be lunacy; it would require courts to supervise every criminal investigation.

Or, you know, torch the Rule of Law.
And they - unlike Judge Cannon - are not going to do that. Trump loses, and Cannon is specifically ordered to dismiss his entire case
Anyway, like I said when the original order first came out:

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More from @AkivaMCohen

Nov 24
We are already representing some of the fired Twitter employees (from this and other waves) Musk is trying to stiff out of their severance. So are a number of other excellent firms/attorneys.

These people have options and should talk to MULTIPLE attorneys before signing anything
And yeah, multiple. Obviously, I think we're the best option to represent these folks - if we didn't, we wouldn't be taking people on. But this is not a decision anyone should make quickly, or without fully investigating their options.
Talk to your fellow tweeps. Connect with various attorneys. Pick who you're most comfortable with and make the decision that is best for you and your family - which may well be just taking what they are offering and moving on. That's a personal choice.
Read 4 tweets
Nov 21
If I routinely had followers in my mentions celebrating violence targeting trans people, I'd do a cheshbon hanefesh.

Not this chillul hashem.
Like ... this is who your audience is, Chaya. This is who you are playing to. @libsoftiktok is not meaningfully different, at this point, than any of the neonazi accounts that focus on "Jews behaving badly" - though in her case, "behaving badly" is just "existing"
Understand this: religiously, what Chaya is doing is considered *at best* "lashon hara" - which is one of the single worst things any Jew can engage in. It's a sin for which, in Jewish tradition, one loses their entire share of the World-to-Come.

And she's doing it for fun & $.
Read 4 tweets
Nov 18
It's not just that the people on here going "Twitter's going to be fine" don't necessarily have all the information about what's happening *in* Twitter, it's that they're not recognizing what's happening *on* Twitter
Twitter's biggest asset isn't its systems, or its employees, or its reach, or its user base.

It's Twitter's lock-in effect. People come here because people *are* here. And people don't leave here, because it's where our pocket friends are
Whether or not Musk manages to heroically right the ship at Twitter despite the company being staggered by employee losses (and attendant severance costs) that went way beyond what they were expecting (and it is, btw) is uncertain. Seriously uncertain.

And the result?
Read 8 tweets
Oct 21
Hey, new #LitigationDisasterTourists arriving for the Niemann v. Carlsen dust-up, this tweet is the first in a side-thread of links to older tweets discussing "actual malice" - an important standard in US defamation law that significantly harms Niemann's chances of success
Here's a one-tweet summary of what the "actual malice" standard requires a public-figure defamation plaintiff to prove:
Here's a brief discussion of whether niche fame (i.e. someone super well known in a particular community but not the wider world) makes you a public figure (yes, if the defamation at issue is directed at that niche community)
Read 6 tweets
Oct 20
OK, #LitigationDisasterTourists, by popular request (@yesh222 @ariehkovler @crowder and others) let's do a live read. I've got no idea whether what's pled here is viable or not - haven't even read it - but public figure defamation is about the hardest case to prove in US law.
Also, worked opposite Oved & Oved (lead counsel here) and while I had my issues with them, they were standard OC issues, nothing crazy. So I'm really pretty interested to see what this pleading looks like.
Let's start with the caption and identification of parties, because it immediately raises some questions: what in the world is this doing in Missouri? None of the parties are from there, so there's no obvious reason why there'd be jurisdiction there.

Also ... oh no ImageImageImage
Read 91 tweets
Oct 4
OK, #LitigationDisasterTourists, let's spend some time on Trump's latest "legal" filing: an abomination that takes direct aim at the First Amendment and your personal freedom of expression.

Yes, even if you're a MAGA-fan Newsmax/OAN die hard: Yours.
The lawyers here are, once again, James Trusty and Lindsey Halligan, and I'm not kidding when I say that the courts should refer them for discipline for filing this flaming bag of dogshit on their doorstep.
Seriously, were I CNN, I'd seriously think about whether to ask the Court to declare Trump a "vexatious litigant" - basically, someone who routinely files frivolous claims for abusive purposes, who from that point on must get pre-approval by the court for future suits
Read 46 tweets

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