Thread by @Ciara__Bergman

🧵 The question ‘why do women stay with abusive partners?’ could be vastly improved with interjection of the word ‘some’. *Some* women stay. But/and in fact most leave, just not as quickly as they or we would sometimes want. Let’s help people understand why: #DomesticAbuse

Contrary to what can seem like the obvious way to achieve safety, leaving is one of the most dangerous things a woman can do: 41% of women killed by a partner or ex-partner in 2018 had left or tried to do so; 30% were killed within a month, and 70% within 12 @FemicideCensus

95% of cases of domestic abuse involve economic abuse, which limits victims’ freedom. Without access to money, leaving is very (enormously) difficult - find out more from @SEAresource

Repercussions from extended family and wider communities: some women face devastating emotional, practical and financial isolation when they leave an abusive partner and/or seek divorce, making leaving feel like an insurmountably difficult task

Hostile environment: many women without recourse to public funds have no way to claim benefits/support themselves/live their lives independently of an abuser. Policies matter.

Threats: a huge number of women report experiencing threats from their abusers both in the relationship and at the point of separation: there is no way of knowing whether an abuser will carry out that threat, which is why threats to kill are a very significant indicator of risk

Moreover they are a terrifying and in some cases paralysing feature of coercive control and domestic abuse: many women are simply too scared to leave, for fear of repercussions

Stalking and harassment: 95% of women in a @CWASULonMet study following their routes to safety reported exp coercive control. This meant that physical & sexual abuse was interwoven w/ control, intimidation & isolation (Stark, 2007) - ending relationships doesn’t always end abuse

From same study (link to follow) - ‘Limited effectiveness of criminal & civil law provisions & enforcement, alongside inadequate support from statutory agencies required women to undertake a huge amount of ‘safety work’ (Kelly, 2012) in relation to themselves & their children eg

Moving home
Making use of sanctuary schemes
Keeping new addresses secret
Changing locations known to the perpetrator such as workplace, school, doctors, children’s clubs
and gym etc solacewomensaid.org/sites/default/…

Many, many women who I interviewed talked about feeling, given that the abuse had continued even when they had attempted previous separations, that if they stayed in the relationship ‘then at least I knew where he was & wasn’t waiting for him to turn up’

Linked to this - many women who tried to leave were relentlessly harassed and stalked. And if they weren’t, their families were.

Many have said that they felt better staying in the relationship because it meant they could be there with their children and protect them from the abusive parent