Thread by @TillyBridges

Welcome to #TransTuesday! This week we’re talking about the dream (THE! DREAM!) and pools and makeup and self-discovery and, if we’re lucky, self-acceptance in THE INTENTIONAL TRANS ALLEGORY OF REAL GENIUS, part 3!

As a reminder, you NEED to have the context from part 1 about PJ Torokvei and the time this movie was written and filmed in.

https://twitter.com/TillyBridges/status/1597663987642302464

And of course, here’s part 2, where we began examining the allegory itself, which includes all the setup you need that makes the rest of the allegory work.

https://twitter.com/TillyBridges/status/1600205529770786816

25:49 - Chris: “Was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort of sun god robes on a pyramid with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?” Mitch laughs, says no. Chris: “Why am I the only person that has that dream?”

This dream is one of the most trans things about the entire movie. He sees himself in fancy robes (not naked like everyone else), is atop a pyramid (he’s a focal point), and NAKED WOMEN are THROWING PICKLES AT HIM.

Here’s where some more context would have helped, but I couldn’t find it. In the present, pickles are a THING with trans women. A common part of HRT for many of us is that testosterone blockers deplete the salt in our bodies.

And so the body craves more salt, and that leads to pickles. It’s SUCH a thing we make memes and jokes about it. Did HRT in the 80s do the same? Does the “trans women & pickles” thing stretch back that far? I don’t know. I couldn’t find out. Maybe! But it could be a coincidence.

Either way, what does naked women throwing small, phallic objects at a person dressed differently from them who has been elevated to a place of prominence and focus (a cis white man) say to you metaphorically?

BBecause it VERY MUCH reads to me like someone’s subconscious trying to tell them they’re a transgender woman and not a cisgender man. “Look at us, naked and honest with ourselves, with nothing to hide, throwing away a phallus that we do not want.”

When Chris asks, “why am I the only one who has that dream?” it speaks to how it must have felt to realize your transness back then.

We had little to no cultural footprint (I myself didn’t even know trans was a thing someone could BE until well into my own adulthood), and most people had likely never met or even heard of trans people back then and knew nothing about them.

So realizing you’re not like everyone else and not the gender you were assigned very likely made you feel extra isolated and alone, and like you were somehow the only person like that. This entire dream screams transness all the way through.

Mitch: “Did you know there’s a guy living in our closet?” Chris confirms he sees Hollyfeld too, and is well acquainted with him, knows his name. Mitch asks why Hollyfeld keeps going in the closet, and Chris responds by asking Mitch why HE goes into the closet.

Of course Chris knows Hollyfeld, he knows what it’s like to be in the closet before coming out or self-accepting. His directly asking Mitch why he goes in there is another huge clue to what the movie’s trying to tell you with its trans allegory. Why are you hiding yourself?

27:32 - In the “going to school” montage, we see Mitch is trying to figure out why there’s a guy in the closet. He’s looking at him through a reflection. A REFLECTION. Mitch is seeing what his own future is going to be, pretending to be a cis man in a closet. And it’s miserable.

I’ve talked so many times about how reflections (and photos) affect trans people, and they’re also heavily used in THE MATRIX movies.

https://twitter.com/TillyBridges/status/1285636685892587520

27:41 - Mitch tries to follow Hollyfeld out the door, but as soon as he opens it JORDAN COMES IN. What will prevent him from following in the path of that potential future self? Paying attention to the non-conforming woman he can’t get away from.

28:11 - Note Mitch starts dressed in his suit, ultra-male. Then he’s dressed just like Hathaway, trying to be like him. Trying so hard to be cis, to be accepted.

But then his clothing gradually starts to get more casual, and then he’s even wearing the sweater Jordan made him. He’s moving along the path.

28:34 - While everyone else is recording the lectures, Mitch is still going to class. He’s NOT CONFORMING, which follows along with his style of dress loosening up. He’s already starting to do what HE thinks is right and not what society expects.

28:57 - Mitch drops his papers and Hollyfeld helps him collect them, they share a moment of recognition. Is this Mitch finally realizing they’re not so different, that this could be the future that awaits him?

The song that plays over the montage where Mitch becomes more of his true self is “I’m Falling,” credited to The C.S. Angels, who were only called that in the US and were actually The Comsat Angels everywhere else. Have you listened to the lyrics of this song? ‘Cause… uh. Phew.

I never thought this could happen
I never thought I could feel this way
Until this strange reaction today
You give me a new sensation
In a place that has no name
Something tells me I'll never feel the same
Now it's all changed

What have you done to me
I'm falling endlessly
I began to slip, I did not know what was coming next
Even so I was not prepared for this
I used to think nothing mattered
Now I see possibilities
You showed a new direction to me
And it's all changed

If you don’t think that reads like a trans awakening, I don’t know what to tell you. Now PJ did not direct this movie (or produce as far as I know) and most likely had no choice over the use of this song.

Further, it does not appear that any of The Comsat Angels are trans (though referring back to my thread on TRANS PEOPLE IN HISTORY you never know who is and doesn’t know it yet, or who is and can’t be out, etc).

But what I think is more likely is this coincidentally perfectly fits the theme of Mitch’s trans awakening because any kind of moment of deep self revelation in ANY human shares a lot of similarities. Again, TRANS STORIES ARE HUMAN STORIES. We’re all connected.

So I don’t feel that song was likely picked because of how trans it reads, but rather the trans allegory of awakening and self-acceptance so closely matches so many other awakenings that we humans go through, cis and trans alike.

30:24 - There’s a shot from inside the closet. For no reason there’s a SKELETON inside. It’s there, haunting Mitch. Living in the closet is indeed a kind of death. A death of our true selves, a waking death that keeps us from truly living our lives.

32:35 - Hollyfeld lives in the closet alone. It’s dark, dirty, filled with cobwebs, it’s a lonely existence cut off from the world. His autograph machine is filling out contest forms, he has to GAME THE SYSTEM to find a way to exist in the world. Trans life in a nutshell.

33:18 - Hathaway wants to know what that smell is. He hates the popcorn. Here’s something that brings Chris joy and is barely a minor inconvenience to Hathaway, but it must be eliminated because he doesn’t like it.

Do you remember from my threads on the first MATRIX movie, and Smith’s speech about the SMELL of humans? An INCONVENIENCE he wanted removed, because him not being inconvenienced was more important than OUR RIGHT TO EXIST AND BE HAPPY?

And Chris tosses it aside. He may have self-accepted, but he’ll also do what he has to in order to be “accepted” by people who don’t really even care about him. So part of him, in some small way, is still conforming.

34:06 - Hathaway talks about HIS wishes for what Chris would become and says “...and then-” Chris cuts him off. “I got a haircut.” Aka society wants us to be cis, but trans people go and change our presentation to suit ourselves instead. DO YOU SEE HOW IT’S SO TRANS!

35:53 - Hathaway says Chris’ attitude is “distracting Mitch” and it is therefore a problem. Stop showing Mitch that he can be trans too.

Chris mentions he’s leaving soon, but Hathaway reminds him he can’t graduate without passing Hathaway’s class. Hathaway is the gatekeeper and will prevent Chris from moving on in his life if he doesn’t get what he wants.

As a reminder, cis people are the gatekeepers of everything trans people need in this world… access to HRT or surgeries, legal name/gender marker changes, equal rights, living our lives without cis violence, and more. THE MATRIX also talks about this a lot. Directly.

You can read about my own experiences with this in my thread on Trans Kids and The Intake Exam.

https://twitter.com/TillyBridges/status/1516451083412860931

38:59 - Mitch is getting frustrated, so Chris uses the work to lead Mitch to freedom, relaxation, a party. Joy. Chris believes that by working within the system (even if it means tossing his popcorn away), you can achieve what you want.

40:24 - Hey, note here how even though Chris has jumped in the water and is soaked, and is hitting on women… he has not taken his shirt off. Like Neo wouldn’t in THE MATRIX. Like I wouldn’t if I could at all avoid it even when swimming, because my flat chest spiked my dysphoria.

40:48 and 42:08 - Not only has Hathaway conformed and been rewarded for it, but he’s found a way to still wear makeup within the acceptable bounds of society for men (being on television). This is kind of what Chris is doing, but to more of an extreme.

Hathaway wants Chris to “be himself” but only so much as it still fits within the bonds of the cis binary laid out for us. But note this is a false option, as even Hathaway can’t get away with it as we’ll see in a minute.

42:49 - Despite wanting to enjoy himself, Mitch is apart and alone even at a party full of people. Like Neo in THE MATRIX. Like me at every party or social gathering for my entire life until I transitioned.

https://twitter.com/TillyBridges/status/1518986436074110977

42:42 - Jordan arrives and Mitch lights up with a smile. There’s definitely something to this non-conforming woman he keeps seeing.

43:22 - Jordan has gotten Mitch more into the party than before, but he wants to know why she’s not “necking”. Her emphatic reply: “I’m not gay.” To me this speaks to the way our sexuality can confuse our understanding of our own gender.

This calls directly back to the letter about PJ Torokvei, and her saying she couldn’t be a gay man because that’s not who she was. This echoes my own confusion at first, when I thought being a trans woman was something gay men did.

Here’s my whole thread on the complexity of disentangling our sexuality from our gender.

https://twitter.com/TillyBridges/status/1579892217631879168

Jordan explains how she’s “different” and guys are a little afraid of her (remember Mitch saying other kids were intimidated by him?) and if she stopped to think about it she’d be a little upset.

Also note that Jordan brings a breathing apparatus. To help Mitch breathe underwater. Remember how I said in my thread on Dysphoria that it was like… drowning?

https://twitter.com/TillyBridges/status/1283104571649191936

Remember how in the second part of my interview with Maya Deane, author of Wrath Goddess Sing, we talked about her dysphoria metaphor of being at the bottom of a well?

https://twitter.com/TillyBridges/status/1595129023448817665

Jordan, the NON-CONFORMING WOMAN, provides Mitch with the relief he needs from drowning/being underwater/aka gender dysphoria. Do you see what this is telling Mitch, here? Non-conforming womanhood can provide the rescue he needs.

Hathaway then arrives to remind them of their OBLIGATIONS (to cis society) and chastise Mitch for even a moment of finding himself, for being happy.

Again, this is something THE MATRIX dealt with several times, especially in RESURRECTIONS. You have OBLIGATIONS TO CIS SOCIETY, abandon this trans nonsense and uphold the binary like you’re supposed to. There’s no joy to be found in accepting your transness.

44:54 - Here Hathaway gets called out for wearing makeup, since THIS IS A THING MEN DON’T DO. Even within the bounds of society and “I have to do it so I don’t get washed out by the lights on camera,” YOU STILL GET MADE FUN OF FOR IT.

This is showing you it’s a FALSE CHOICE. Tossing away the popcorn to appease the cis binary won’t actually make them okay with you. You’re STILL AN OUTSIDER AND AN OUTCAST.

Next time we’re going to wrap up with Mitch’s final outcome, you’ll see where he ends up and the remarkably beautiful message about trans people that REAL GENIUS has waiting for you.

Tilly Bridges, end transmission.