Thread by @secrettory12

Nursing strike.

Today I will be crossing the picket line and working in my local hospital as a Health Care Assistant.

Please follow this thread for live updates on how easy it is.

#nursingstrike

Just out of handover. There are several patients here who have slipped on ice and fractured limbs. I am refusing to treat them on the grounds they didn't taken enough personal responsibility for themselves.

I am also refusing to work with any patient who can't produce evidence of their lifetime National Insurance contributions.

A post-op lady called Mrs Pringle keeps pressing her buzzer and asking for a commode. I am refusing to bring one unless she promises to vote Tory at the next election.

Apparently one job nurses do is feed people who can't feed themselves. This is the opposite of a Tory's job, so I have carefully positioned my porridge trolley just out of reach of my patients. If they want it, they'll have to cut their own traction cords and get it themselves.

Unbeleiavble morning. I've been cleaning bedpans, emptying catheters, convincing a man with Alzheimers this isn't a POW camp. Luckily Wes Streeting has crossed the picket line with me and he's really grafting to get one over on the RCN.

These nurses have it so easy. After 12 hours of work on the NHS front line, I haven't even been lobbied once. Yes getting punched by senile octogenarians who think I'm a hostage taker, and shouted at by the phlebotomist for tipping all her blood samples in the bin is hard work.

But its not like life on the parliamentary coalface. Dodging the briefcases full of cash and strategically left on chairs brown envelopes full of used notes. That said, I did get drenched in piss earlier when I dropped a urine bottle and it soaked through my defective PPE.

A nice reminder of life in Westminster. And I'm not unconvinced one of the new admissions we had today isn't a Tufton Street stooge. He's been barraging me with climate change denial stuff all afternoon.

I'm told he was admitted with a fractured ulna after slipping on ice, but witnesses said he deliberately bounced off a double-decker bus after he heard he could get access to an influential MP on the wards today.