Thread by @poeticynkk

#yoonkook au where—

it's been four months since yoongi & jeongguk's break up and they both have moved on. but behind jeongguk's back, yoongi still kept in touch with his parents who now wants yoongi to come visit them for christmas /with/ jeongguk.
except,
there's a problem.

hello, this is already written, finished and will be posted soon-ish so just bookmark the above tweet if you'd like to read ♡

—— part i ——

it seemed funny at first, but jeongguk was not laughing now

his ex-boyfriend of almost five months admitted not only to stay in contact with /his/ parents but also wished to visit them with jeongguk, because /they/ wanted him to, because they were expecting him and he didn't want to let them down, yes, that was min yoongi for you.

if he was being honest jeongguk didn't know how he felt about all of this, about yoongi's relationship with his parents that he was kept in the dark of and his failed one with jeongguk.

they had been sitting in silence for the entire trip, save for a slow ballad playing in the background and the taxi driver humming along quietly. it was cold, the roads were white, a layer of snow still covering them, it was a chilly day.

but the shaking of jeongguk's hand was not because of the cold, it was nerves and anxiety because he didn't know what was going to happen once they reached his home, got out of that taxi, that somehow held them together, upright.

jeongguk tried to remember his friend, taheyung's words, from the night before, when he called the elder to rant about the little situation he had gotten himself into. a part of him didn't want to bring yoongi with him, maybe he was bitter, and a little angry-

but mostly he was confused, there were many mixed emotions and a lot of different feelings, and it all made him confused, overwhelmed.

and judging by the constant ticking of yoongi's fingers against his jeans cladded knee, the bouncing of his leg that paused every time jeongguk looked over in annoyance, he was not doing too good either, the nervousness radiated his body, thick, obvious.

good, jeongguk thought, that made two of them.

they were only a few minutes' drive away from jeongguk's home and yoongi must have noticed, he must have remembered the way, and how close they were to their destination, and he jostled up, sudden, frantic.

"wait, wait wait how—" yoongi inhaled, letting out that little sound he made in between his words while looking for the right ones, "how are we going to go about this? what will we do when we get there? shouldn't we discuss it before yknow-"

he looked at jeongguk, lost, and asking, for help, maybe, but mostly lost.

"i don't know. should've thought that before making promises you can't keep." jeongguk looked away, muttering under his breath.

“excuse me?”

"you heard me."

"no, i don't think i heard you right. because how is this about me making promises i can't keep. " he quoted, mocking the way jeongguk pronounce his words.

"okay, then let me rephrase it for you, " jeongguk looked over, to glare at yoongi, "maybe you should've thought something before promising my parents to be there for christmas."

"what the hell? why are you blaming me?”

"we are here because of you, aren't we? you, who couldn't be honest with /my/ parents. why didn't you tell them we broke up? "

"why didn't you? they are /your/ parents after all. "

"how was i supposed to know you were still talking to them? who in their right mind keeps in touch with their ex-boyfriend's parents?" his voice got louder by the end of the sentence, which was strange, the words came out harsher than he intended to-

and it seemed to take yoongi by surprise too.

yoongi who looked away, outside the window, with an expression jeongguk couldn't read, not anymore.

"whatever, forget i said anything."

jeongguk felt bad, felt bitter, jeongguk felt an annoyance, a sort of irritation, something foreign at yoongi, so he scoffed, turning to look out from the window and proceeded to do just that.

—— • —— • —— • —— • —— • ——

jeongguk was sure, he was so sure that everyone would notice, that everyone would see something has changed between yoongi and jeongguk, that they act differently around each other, jeongguk was prepared for that situation, prepared for the bombarding questions-

prepare for yoongi to eat his words and leave.

but, none of that happened, jeongguk was sure, but he had been wrong.

because as soon as they arrived, jeongguk a few steps ahead of yoongi, maybe to show the other that he was superior, wanted him to believe jeongguk had the upper hand in there.

he didn't care what yoongi thought and yoongi didn't seem to care that much about jeongguk either, as he trailed behind jeongguk, hauling all of their luggage because jeongguk made him.

so yes, as soon as they arrived, they were swarmed over but people, by jeongguk's family and extended family members. suddenly, they were the highlight of the holiday, the centre of the spotlight.

"oh, finally! we all have been waiting for you." ji-hye was jeongguk's sister-in-law and the first one to greet them at the door.

jeongguk dreaded every step that lead him inside the house, he heard, ji-hye greet yoongi, "hello, yoongi-ssi it's nice to see you again."

"jeongguk-ie is here!" she announced walking into the house and suddenly chaos erupted, the quiet that loomed in the air was replaced by thudding steps running down to the foyer, a cacophony of loud voices and chatter.

jeongguk glanced at yoongi who had the same, constipated, panicked look on his face and that's all the time they got to prepare before people surrounded them.

"son! you're here." mrs. jeon was a small, petite woman, with kind features and kinder eyes.

she struggled a little to wrap jeongguk in her arms, to engulf him because he had grown out of that space that used to shield him from the world.

"hello, mom. i missed you. " he mumbled, bent down to hide his face in her shoulder.

she pulled away, too soon for him, as she turned towards yoongi, who was standing there, fidgety, a piece of show for the people that stood there gawking at him specifically.

"yoongi-ya, i am happy you made it. it's good to have you here."

she smiled and that seemed to make yoongi more nervous, jeongguk stifled his laugh, at the look of pure agony on yoongi's face when mrs. jeon went to give him a hug as well, his hands hung loosely at his sides-

before hesitantly reaching to return the hug.

"jeongguk." his dad's voice was as crisp as he remembered it inside his head, the same note of authority that jeongguk never quite grasped.

"dad" he said as a form of greeting, because his dad was a man of few words because jeongguk learnt it from him.

"welcome home." mr. jeon said with a small smile, a hand reaching out to touch jeongguk's shoulder in an assuring manner, grounding him, it made jeongguk stand a little taller.

the hand on his shoulder, a quiet pride, slipped off gracefully and slid in between yoongi's.

"welcome yoongi, as jeongguk's mom said, it's good to have you here."

and yoongi's seemed to recover from his nervousness, from his little bubble of hesitancy, as he shook mr jeon's hands, voice, unwavering, said, "thank you for inviting me."

jeogguk watched the exchange with intrigue before realizing his mistake, he coughed and looked away, only to find different pairs of eyes, already at him, watching him watch yoongi.

"oh my! so that is jeongguk-ie oppa's boyfriend."

"wait? that's his boyfriend? "

stepping out of their shoes and coats, they walked inside, to the living room and those curious eyes followed them, like a hawk, the curious voice of younglings, that didn't know the concept of filter surrounding them.

"mhm, he's handsome right?"

"so right! he's really handsome! do you think he will take a picture with me? i want to show it to na-ri"

"whyyy? i told you to stop talking to her already."

"but i—"

the voices faded, as the elders rushed the kids to go to a different room and play. jeongguk plopped down on the sofa in their messy living room, everyone seemed to pause what they were doing and lingered to watch the scene unfold in front of them.

"it must've been a tiring journey. the snow is not making anything easy for anyone." jeongguk's brother, jong dae, was quick to guide yoongi to the sofa, who with a grateful smile, took a seat beside jeongguk, much to his dismay.

"just a little." yoongi said.

their voices were beginning to sound incoherent to jeongguk, the exhaustion was finally catching up to him, the heaviness of his eyelids begged him to drift to sleep while listening to yoongi and his grave voice that raised goosebumps on jeongguk's skin.

he leaned in, chasing warmth and his head collided into something hard, something solid and it was perfect for him to rest his head and sleep, just for a little and his eyes fell shut, almost, he thought, he was almost there—

—a loud shriek caused him to jump in his spot, a woman, jeongguk's cousin, quickly picked the crying baby up and exited the living room with an apologetic smile. jeongguk blinked, sleep still heavy in his eyes until he realized, he was practically snuggling against yoongi-

and someone cooed, jeongguk's cheek heated up at the suggestive sound and quickly he pulled away, putting a lot of distance between him and yoongi.

he did not dare meet his eyes, cursing himself inside his head.

"have you been well? it's been ages since i last saw you." mrs. jeon, sitting on one of the armchair, caught jeongguk's attention.

"thats not true. you saw me not long ago."

"a few months is ages for a mother, jeongguk-ah." ji-jye said, jeongguk's sleep-ridden mind was still struggling to keep up with the conversation and the people.

"yoongi, son, i am glad you could make it." he heard his mother say, reaching out to touch yoongi's leg, "i know it must be difficult to not see your family, but I promise you'll feel like home here."

"of course, mother. thank you for having me."

yoongi's hand on top of mrs. jeon felt personal, felt so natural & intimate, how easily he carved a place for himself in jeongguk's family, in so little time, how it was too late before it could mean something more, something special

jeongguk looked away.

"why don't you guys go freshen up and rest a little? jeongguk's sleepy and yoongi, you must be tired as well. go rest up, we'll call you when the lunch's ready."

"yes, please." jeongguk shot up from the sofa, stretching his limbs, and ready to be left alone finally.

except, there was another problem.

"i already cleaned and set up your room, so it shouldn't be a pro-" ji-hye informed, leading jeongguk and yoongi upstairs.

and it took a second for jeongguk to realize.

"wait, " he stopped, midway, and carefully, "where will we be staying? " he asked.

and as if yoongi understood what he was trying to say, trying to imply, jeongguk felt him tense beside him.

ji-hye, blissfully unaware of the little mishap, just kept walking and the men had no choice but to. follow her as she said, "in your room, of course. as i said, i al-"

"together?" jeongguk grimaced as they all paused to stand outside the said room, his room, the one he would be sharing with yoongi.

"will that be a problem?" ji-hye looked at jeongguk for a moment long, then at yoongi standing beside him, alarmingly quiet.

"no, it's just—you see," jeongguk felt nothing less than pathetic, trying to conjure up a believable lie, "yoongi likes his personal space. he—it's hard for him to focus on his work with someone else around. erm yeah, he likes.. .space."

yoongi glanced at jeongguk and the glint of amusement in his eyes was crystal clear, it made jeongguk want to hit something, preferably yoongi.

"ah, is that so," unsure, ji-hye nodded to herself, then turned towards yoongi, apologetic, the look on her face almost made jeongguk feel bad for lying to her, for lying to all of them.

"i am sorry, yoongi-ssi, but there's a shortage of space. we have a lot of guests over and so all the room are occupied. if i had kn-"

"it's okay, ji-hye ssi. please, don't worry," yoongi smirked, then added, "besides, i don't work on holidays."

they shared a laugh as if there was a secret joke that jeongguk didn't get, as if they were laughing at jeongguk who stood there fuming, hands clenched into tight fists.

he couldn't believe he had to endure this for the rest of his stay there.

—— • —— • —— • —— • —— • ——

"jeongguk, can we talk? "

no, jeongguk didn't want to talk. he wanted a lot of things and none of them had to do with min yoongi, who was suddenly everywhere, why was he everywhere?

jeongguk didn't know. jeongguk didn't care and he hoped yoongi would get the idea as he unzipped his bag and started taking out his clothes, and toiletries, ignoring yoongi, sitting right there on his bed.

jeongguk?"

jeongguk folded the clothes neatly, smoothing out the wrinkles that somehow found their way on, and opened his closet, to transfer the clothes. he huffed, long hairs falling over his eyes as he worked, getting in the way-

he tucked them behind his ears on each side, parted from the middle.

"jeongguk?"

but, as he moved around, his hair sprang free, falling on the sides, untamed locks, jeongguk cursed, annoyed, and ripped the hair tie off of his wrist and tied his hair into a bun, that hung loosely on the back, he was not too good at tying his hair.

jeongguk? "

"what!" jeongguk didn't mean to snap, but everything was penting up inside and he just wanted to unpack and sleep and his hair was bothering him.

out of everything, he didn't expect, yoongi to say, "i am sorry."

jeongguk stood there dumbfounded, "huh? "

"i am sorry for intruding on your family like this. it must be uncomfortable for you, having me here like this and i understand your anger with me." yoongi took a deep breath as if he was running out of it and said, "i can leave. if–if you want, i can leave-

makeup sort of excuse about wanting to see my family or something."

yoongi's family loved yoongi, jeongguk never met them, but yoongi said they loved him, he knew they loved him, but they just never said it to him,

and that made all the difference.

"i can leave."

and now standing there, looking at yoongi, who didn't meet jeongguk's eyes, not even for a second, jeongguk couldn't help but ask.

"why? why did you want to come here and how long? how long have you been talking to my parents?"

yoongi smiled, bittersweet, "long before our break up."

he looked up at jeongguk and said, "i have always been in touch with them, but stopped when-when we broke up. until your mom reached out to me a week or maybe two later. she didn't know we were not together anymore and i didn't have the heart to tell her-

i didn't want her to feel embarrassed."

jeongguk didn't understand, or maybe, he was stubborn, maybe he didn't want to see that the reason they were here today was him, in some way.

"so what? you guys just continued talking?"

"i mean—"

"Was there anything for you to talk? what did you talk about?"

"everything; nothing. mostly you."

the bittersweet smile lingered on yoongi's lips and jeongguk almost found himself wondering what yoongi used to talk about him? what did he use to say? did he—was the break up difficult for him as well?

but then he realized there were bigger issues at hand.

"and why did you come today with me?"

"to be honest, i was not planning to. but your mom has been asking me to visit her for so long now and i always made excuses, hoping you would tell her about the breakup but you never did and then she called me, she really wanted me here and i couldn't say no-

"i am sorry, i should've," the hand on his side played with the bedsheet, fumbling as yoongi admitted, "she reminds me a bit of my mom, i am sorry i didn't say no, i didn't want to let her down."

well, it left them in a tough situation, especially for jeongguk, because he was lost for words, which was rare even for him and he knew he couldn't just kick yoongi out no matter how much he disliked having him there.

he didn't know why, he just did.

maybe he needed to understand a few things better, about himself, about yoongi, but mostly about the tattered relationship they had now.

so, finally, he decided to say,

"i am sorry too."

"you don't ha-

"don't tell me i don't have anything to apologize for, because i do. i have been— mean to you, disrespectful and i know it doesn't excuse my behaviour but i was confused and you are right i was angry and i just took it all out on you. i am sorry too."

"it's okay. apology accepted," yoongi said it so simply.

"thank you."

"so about—"

" just stay. mom wouldn't be too happy if you leave like this, because of me, so just stay."

jeongguk wondered if he needed to word it better, try to be a little nice, acceptable because yoongi was being everything but unkind.

but the look on the other's face was enough to shut up his brain,

"i can?" yoongi asked in disbelief, but the relief was there on his face, a touch of joy.

"of course, why are you aski-"

"thank you," yoongi stood up, so suddenly, it almost startled jeongguk as he came to stand in front of him, "i mean it, thank you. i promise i'll stay out of your way and will not cause you any hindrance. and after the holiday, i'll be out of sight as well. "

the last words kinda stung for some reason, hitting a spot too sour, but jeongguk smiled, nodding along.

"okay, now help me lay out the mattress, that's where you'll be sleeping. the floor's okay with
you?"

"yeah, i don't mind it."

"good," jeongguk threw yoongi a shit-eating grin, "not that i care if you do."

yoongi just shook his head at jeongguk and together they pulled out the mattress, laying it out on the floor, on the empty space by the bed.

"yknow everyone thinks we are still together." jeongguk mused fixing the sheets.

yoongi chuckled, following jeongguk's movements, adjusting the sheet over the mattress, and said, "i am surprised that didn't notice the daggers you were throwing at my direction."

jeongguk gaped, "i was not throwing daggers at you, what the fuck? "

"please, you've been glaring at me since the morning, as if i stole your dog, yelling at me at every given ch—"

"i did not yell at you. min yoongi! stop lying!"

"see. you are yelling now."

"just go to sleep or something. stop talking to me."

—— • —— • —— • —— • —— • ——

they slept through lunch, through the entire afternoon.

turned out they were more tired than they thought and jeongguk wouldn't have minded skipping dinner as well and just sleeping if it was not for yoongi, who woke him up somewhere around late evening and dragged their asses downstairs.

"oh! look who finally decided to show up! "

everyone was huddled around the dining area, and the sweet smell of desserts filled the space, jeongguk rubbed his eyes, the decoration and too-bright lights almost blinding.

"we called you so many times and none of you answered." ji-jye said, setting up the table, and gesturing to yoongi to take a seat.

circling around the table jeongguk followed him and took the empty chair next to him.

"oh leave them be. they must be tired from their journey, they had a rough day."

"or maybe rough night."

laughter broke out on the table, teasing.

yoongi cleared his throat, shifting in his chair and jeongguk could feel the tip of his ears getting hot too.

"does your mouth not hurt speaking such nonsense all the time." jeongguk shot his brother a smirk, enjoying the way his face fell for a second.

"jeongguk! that's not how you should talk to your elder brother."

"but he started the teasing! " jeongguk said with a pout, slumping against his chair.

dinner was loud, louder than jeongguk had liked, everyone fell into small pieces of conversations amongst themselves, different topics blending all into one. the food was delicious, it tasted like home, like a touch of a mother and jeongguk almost inhaled it.

yoongi seemed to like the attention better than jeongguk, taking it pretty well as he chatted to jong-dae and their other cousins. he was not as nervous as the morning, not hesitant-

the conversation he and jeongguk shared that afternoon seemed to take off a weight they didn't realize was burdening them.

yoongi got along so well with everyone that jeongguk thought, maybe the reason why he was so uncomfortable before was not jeongguk's parents or his family, but jeongguk himself.

he didn't want to think about it. it didn't feel too good.

you alright?"

yoongi's voice brought him out of his thoughts, jeongguk turned to look at yoongi and found him staring at him, concerned, the pinch in his eyebrows making him look older.

jeongguk nodded, licking his lips and said, "yeah, why?"

"you zoned out for a moment." yoongi said, taking the bottle to fill jeongguk's cup, he didn't even realize was empty, "here."

yoongi got back to his conversation and jeongguk tried not to mind it, focusing on the food in front of him.

"so, how's med school treating you? " jeongguk's cousin turned to ask him.

jeongguk blinked at the baby in her lap, who stared at him wide eyed, something evil in those big eyes. he finished chewing before answering,

"i almost set myself on fire"

she laughed, bringing a perfectly manicured hand against her mouth, "that bad?"

"you have no idea." jeongguk smiled, taking another mouth-full bite.

"so, how long have you been together with yoongi?"

it took jeongguk off guard, it was a surprise he didn't choke on his food, as he swallowed, his tongue sitting too thick in his mouth, not allowing him to speak.

"i—" jeongguk glanced at yoongi who was blissfully unaware of their conversation, "it's been three years." he found himself saying.

it would have been. it would have been three years, had they not broken up fou— almost five months ago.

it was something jeongguk did not like to think too much about, let alone talk about, not about his relationship with yoongi, because that was beautiful, his time with yoongi, but about their break up. it was hard, jeongguk was not going to lie or sugarcoat it-

it was hard, fucked up, he had a rough time coming to terms with it and that's exactly why he didn't want to think about it.

it reminded him of the time he had lost. the things he had lost.

jeongguk was not ever going to let himself think about it again.

but, everyone was adamant to make things hard for jeongguk it seemed, because soon enough his dad was taking out a good amount of bottles from his wine collection and everyone had moved to the living room-

in front of the fireplace, nursing a glass of their own, talking, chattering.

and jeongguk didn't mind it, not at all, he of all people enjoyed spending time with everyone and laughing at good ol' memories over a drink, no, what he did mind was the proximity between him and yoongi.

since the place was small, everyone had huddled together, on the sofa, floor, a loveseat, that everyone made jeongguk share with yoongi, because they were a couple it made sense, their words not his.

so, yeah, just when he thought it couldn't get any worse it actually did, because jeongguk was not god's favourite child and that's why he was there stuck with yoongi on a fucking loveseat in a conversation he'd rather die than participate it.

luckily, yoongi was good at it, carrying things for jeongguk, whether it was their luggage or conversations, he didn't seem to mind it.

"how come you guys have been together for so long but i am only seeing you now."

"what's more surprising for me is how have you stuck around for that long, especially with a guy like our jeongguk."

jeongguk flipped them off, his annoying cousins, who laughed at him, ignoring his glowering and it was not funny, maybe, it was for yoongi, who jeongguk found was laughing as well. his body shaking into quiet laughter that vibrated on jeongguk's skin too.

jeongguk pinched his side and yoongi yelped in surprise, his mouth parted to complain immediately shut up when he saw jeongguk glaring at him.

"no, but, on a serious note, when did you realize you liked each other? and who confessed first?"

jesus, jeongguk was not drunk enough for this.

he grabbed the nearest bottle of alcohol, he couldn't read the fancy writing on the label, but it must be something good, it looked something good and not bothering to pour it in his glass, jeongguk brought the bottle to his lips and chugged it down.

turned out it was a bad move, a horrible decision, because jeongguk felt hazy, soft like a cloud, and hyper aware of yoongi sitting beside him, the curve of their shoulders squished together, and it was pleasant where it should have been uncomfortable-

and he found himself paying close attention to the words leaving yoongi's mouth.

"honestly, i don't know. we met through a friend at a housewarming party." and oh, jeongguk remembered that day, the day yoongi first caught his eyes and jeongguk's looked down at yoongi's hands, the first thing he noticed that day.

"and we kind of clicked instantly, we were friends for a long time before we started dating." and that was another thing jeongguk didn't like to think about, their friendship, after the break up, he didn't lose a relationship, but also an amazing friendship.

he loved yoongi as a boyfriend, but before that, he was his friend and jeongguk loved his friend dearly as well.

sometimes he missed his friend.

"and i don't know if i remember it correctly but i think i was the first one to confess." yoongi turned to look at jeongguk for confirmation but jeongguk was drinking and already too far gone to answer, so he continued nonetheless.

"it was not as romantic as i'd have liked it to be but yeah i cherish the memory, especially jeongguk's reaction. he is someone very special." yoongi finished, smiling, the smile on his face looked too real for what they were doing, he almost looked genuine.

"what about you jeongguk? what did you think when you first met yoongi?"

jeongguk needed to get the hell out of here.

"i—" he blinked, and looked at yoongi, who was now watching him, for the first time in that evening, his attention was now solely on jeongguk, who gulped, "i thought he was very kind."

his cousins made a disappointed noise, not fully satisfied with jeongguk's answer and the lack of details, but yoongi was quiet, his attention unwavering, as he continued to stare at jeongguk.

jeongguk didn't know what the other man was thinking but he was not lying when he said, he thought yoongi was kind.

yoongi had always been kind.

and as jeongguk stared back at him, actually, finally, for the first time after their break up, he stared at him, allowed himself to look and meet his eyes, catch the flames dancing in them

he still thought the same.

—— • —— • —— • —— • —— • ——

they stumbled into their room, late after midnight, drunk off their senses or, well, jeongguk was, yoongi was tipsy at best, damn him and his alcohol tolerance.

they tip-toed around as if they were the only ones awake, whispering to themselves.

"fuck it has gotten so late."

"blame yourself." jeongtuk snorted, hands reaching out to spot his nightwear.

“you blame me for everything. it was your cousins who wanted to keep drinking and talking." yoongi complained, he was rummaging through his bag, looking for god knows what.

"yeah, but," jeongguk looked over his shoulder, "it was you who couldn't stop talking about our love life and how beautiful i am."

"what the fuck, i did n—"

"no, it's okay, i know. i am pretty, you used to have a thing for me. it's understandable."

yoongi looked at jeongguk in amusement, the corners of his lips tugging up in a teasing smile, "how much did you drink?"

jeongguk shook his head, "not enough," and took out his nightwear from the closet.

"you've lost it, jeon."

jeongguk begged to differ, but as soon as he turned around to head towards the bathroom he ran into his bed and stubbed his toe against the wood, and yeah maybe yoongi was right.

he jumped on one foot, ready to scream, and in a second yoongi was in front of him, palm spread over his mouth to keep him from screaming.

jeongguk sucked in a breath, shaky, it was stupid, they didn't need to be quiet, they were not the only ones awake, he wanted to tell yoongi that, but yoongi's hand covering his mouth didn't let him, and so silently, he stared at yoongi-

the coldness of his hand soothing against jeongguk's heated face.

they stared at each other for a beat longer and forgot what was supposed to come next.

yoongi's hand detached itself from jeongguk's mouth and slowly travelled down, south, sliding over jeongguk's arms, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind, it stopped over his wrists, not brave enough to reach for his hand and take it.

"are you okay?" yoongi whispered, eyes searching for any signs of pain on his face, this close, jeongguk could see the shy mole on his nose and it kicked something inside him

he shrugged off yoongi's hand and stepped back, creating a safe distance between them, the space that should exist between exes.

"fine." jeongguk muttered, turning on his heels and running into the bathroom.

later, when he came out, the lights were off except for the lamp on the bedside table, it glowed, soft, tangerine coloured as jeongguk came out of the bathroom.

yoongi was already under the covers, on the mattress, so jeongguk moved quietly around the room to get in the bed as well, he thought yoongi was already asleep as he lay on his side, staring at the older man, but found him awake, staring at the ceiling.

"you don't have to act different with me, yknow?"

yoongi tilted his head to the side, looking up at jeongguk who was already staring at him, who didn't feel embarrassed at getting caught.

"what do you mean? i don't act different with you."

they were whispering again, jeongguk didn't know why.

"you do. not different, but more like weird. you are acting weird with me."

"you really have some nerve, don't you? first, you accused me of yelling at you and now you are telling me i act different, no not different, weird with you. who's to say you won't wake up tomorrow and accuse me of trying to kill you in your sleep?"

"wouldn't you want that?"

"stop talking please, i am trying to sleep."

jeongguk pulled the covers over his head to prove a point and to block yoongi out of his vision, who was starting to look too comfortable.

"i didn't mean to offend you," yoongi said after a moment of silence, "what i mean is— erm that i don't want you act the way you do, i think, i don't know, we can try to be friends instead?"

jeongguk yanked the covers off of his face to look at yoongi.

"what?" yoongi asked.

"what?"

"stop looking at me like that."

"like what? "

"like you want to punch me."

"maybe i do."

yoongi sighed, deep, suffering, jeongguk could see him shuffling under the covers as he turned on his side, now facing jeongguk.

"c'mon would it hurt you to be nice?" yoongi said.

"obviously."

"I can't belie—"

"okay," jeongguk shook his head, silencing yoongj, "i am not having this conversation right now."

"bu—"

"good night." jeongguk concluded.

he reached out to turn off the bedside lamp, letting the darkness surface in. the wind was howling against the night, loud, and untamed, jeongguk closed his eyes.

and somewhere between a dream and reality, he heard a hushed whisper calling out his name before he fell asleep.

the whisper echoed in his dream as well.

— okay this story is divided into 3 parts and you've reached the end of part i. please, let me know what you think you of the story so far and what do you think will happen next ♡ thank you for reading.

curiouscat.me/myglovebot

—— part ii ——

the morning smelt like snow. the house was too loud it disrupted jeongguk's sleep and he groaned, not pleased to wake up, the voices from downstairs carried themselves upstairs barging into the room, ruining the quiet harmony.

he rolled over on his back, eyes squinting against the brightness of the room, he blinked, trying to adjust his vision and turned to look down at the floor, where yoongi was sleeping, the voices didn't seem to disturb him as they did to jeongguk.

jeongguk watched yoongi’s sleeping form, curled under the covers, he was sleeping on his side, body facing jeongguk, lips parted, the sound of his soft breathing filling the silence. he looked young and boyish, the image was so familiar, yet foreign at the same time-

like a memory with blurry edges and suddenly jeongguk was hit with a deep sense of nostalgia, swarmed by the memories of the mornings he used to wake up with yoongi, the last morning he woke up beside yoongi.

he looked at yoongi and realized this too was going to be a memory, that the previous memory of a beautiful morning together would be replaced with this cold, empty existence.

last night flashed through his mind and he remembered the warmth of alcohol sitting pleasantly in his belly, the laughter of his family and the softness of yoongi’s body pressed against his, the whispers of the night.

friends. jeongguk scoffed.

it was alright. he knew many people who were friends with their exes (he did not)

they could do it as well.

jeongguk could be a fantastic fucking friend.

he just needed enough willpower.

heaving a sigh, jeongguk got out of bed, trying to be as quiet as possible he headed to the bathroom and started getting ready for the day.

an hour later, freshly showered and cleaned with his nice clothes on, jeongguk got out of the bathroom and found yoongi sitting, awake, his hair ruffled, fell flat against his forehead and his face was puffy with sleep as he sat there motionless staring at the distance ahead.

upon noticing jeongguk’s presence, he spoke up, “good morning.”

nodding, jeongguk went to grab his phone and busied himself with the device, letting yoongi waddle to the bathroom.

jeongguk caught up on texts from his friends, watched some old streams, and checked up on his packages while waiting for yoongi to get ready.

until, he realized he did not have to wait and quickly, he stood up, ready to leave.

but then he realized that that's what friends did and he sat back down.

and yoongi, who was watching the silly ongoing of jeongguk decided to ask.

“is something the matter?”

yoongi looked up from where he was struggling to button up his cufflinks, and at jeongguk.

who shook his head, waiting for yoongi to finish so that they could go down downstairs. he was starving.

“you sure?”

jeongguk nodded, tapping his fingers on the phone screen and watching it as it came alive, the digits on the screen letting him know the time.

“you are being strangely quiet.” yoongi said, moving to pick up his watch from the dresser, almost done.

“i am always quiet.”

“no you are not, you are usually snarky, only last night you said—“

“just say you want to see me mad.” jeongguk snapped.

“maybe i kinda do.”

and oh, this was going in the wrong direction because that’s not what came after, this was something else, something they used to do all the time, something yoongi used to say all the time, that jeongguk is sexy when he is mad.

in an instant, jeongguk shot up from the bed, and mumbled, “you are so stupid.”

and as he exited the room, he heard yoongi follow him, heard his voice a little, “yeah, i really am.”

downstairs was already up and bustling, it was his favourite part of the holidays, the juvenile, the energy, seeing all of his favourite people together, it filled him with joy.

the breakfast was already set, like a banquet, everyone was eating whenever whatever they wanted, yoongi went straight to the dinner table, greeting everyone and everyone perked up, shone a little brighter, and their voices got louder.

because yoongi wanted them to be friends, jeongguk didn’t take a seat beside him, instead, he sat across from yoongi, but, in the long run, it turned out to be another bad move because now jeongguk had no other choice but to look at him-

who would give him a small smile every time their eyes met.

yeah, jeongguk didn’t have breakfast.

he found his dad hunched over a large box in the living room, going through the things inside it with papers clutched in his one hand.

“what are you doing?” jeongguk asked walking up to him.

“oh i got these new lights— you see,” jeongguk bent to peek inside the box “i have been waiting for them to get here, you see jeongguk, these lights, they are differen—“

jeongguk’s dad told him about the speciality of those led lights that looked the same, ordinary to him and to be honest, he was not the right person to have that conversation with.

“dad, maybe, yoongi would love to hear this,” jeongguk interrupted his dad, “he’s kind of into this more than me.”

and his dad laughed, nodding at his words, “i see, but you’ll help me hang these later, right?? i could use an extra hand or should i ask that yoongi as well?”

“no, i will.”

and that’s what jeongguk did, spent the morning with his dad, hanging the lights outside their house, it was good, jeongguk didn’t see yoongi at all and he was glad to have him out of his sight for a few hours.

they had been spending too much time together, jeongguk needed to change that.

but, again, it was just for christmas, they wouldn’t have to see each other after that, and no longer had to be friends.

he was shivering by the time they were done, he sprinted inside the house, trying to chase warmth and maybe drink something nice, though he was stopped on his way by the kids.

“jeongguk-ie oppa! can you please take a picture of us?” one of them said.

he nodded, reaching to grab the phone thrashed in his direction, but he halted upon hearing the next words.

“with your boyfriend.”

“eh?” he let out, confused, “with yoongi?”

and the girls nodded, staring up at him with an unhealthy amount of enthusiasm, jeongguk didn’t stand a chance against their pleading eyes and surprisingly, neither did yoongi, who agreed just like that to take a picture.

“okay,” jeongguk mumbled, adjusting the focus of the camera, “ready?”

yoongi bent down to pick up the two girls, each on one arm causing them to break into a fit of giggles clutching to his shoulder, he fixed his hold, biceps bulging under his shirt as he said, grinning, “ready”

it was quick, jeongguk was paying only half attention but the picture came out alright, the girls were happy and that was it, he turned out to make a beeline out of that place, but a hand reached out, tugging at his sweatshirt, stopping him.

he looked down at the culprit.

the girl smiled at him, toothy, “oppa should take a picture with his boyfriend too.”

“no—i—“ he went to deny, but his voice drowned out under another loud one.

“I WILL TAKE THE PICTURE AND YOU BETTER NOT SEND IT TO NA-RI. OPPA STAND THERE.”

someone pushed him from the back & caught him off guard, losing his balance, jeongguk stumbled forward, into yoongi who was quick to catch him, hands on his waist, keeping him still under their hold

“hello there,” yoongi said, softly and jeongguk was ready to curse him out just because

but, then he paused, allowed himself to think, before he said, “hi.”

“please look at the camera!”

jeongguk stood there confused, unsure of where he should put his hands, the pose was awkward, yoongi’s hands still rested on his waist and he was already facing the camera, not making any move to let him go.

jeongguk sighed, defeated, and slowly, crept his hands over yoongi’s shoulder, for a second, he swore, he could feel yoongi tense under his touch but it faded, too soon.

“1, 2, 3!”

jeongguk reminded himself to smile turning to look at the camera.

As soon as that soft ‘click’ sound came from the phone, jeongguk jumped away from yoongi, out of his grasp and began pretending to fix the nonexistent wrinkles from his clothes.

“oooo cute. it came out so pretty.”

“oppa’s face is all red.”

from anger, yes, it had to be anger. jeongguk huffed.

“cute. can you send me that?” yoongi said, peeking at the phone.

jeongguk could feel a headache coming.

the thing was——

that afternoon jeongguk avoided yoongi, and that’s not something friends did, ignore the other, but it’s the only thing that came to jeongguk’s mind.

and it was too easy, he didn’t even have to try that much, to ignore yoongi, because the other man was already, always, busy with someone else, sometimes jeongguk found him bursting into careless laughter with his cousins, or chatting away with his mother-

as they moved around the kitchen, other times he was seen talking conspiringly with his dad, low under his breath or sharing jokes with ji-hye or making silly bets with jong-dae.

the point was that he was everywhere yet nowhere at the same time.

——jeongguk was not the type of person to linger in the past

but, sometimes he would find himself wondering.

watching yoongi from the distance that jeongguk was stubborn to keep between them, he found himself wondering what would’ve happened if they held onto each other a little tighter, a little longer.

maybe it was the way yoongi sat with /his/ family as if he was a part of it as if he always belonged there, with that golden glow of lights hitting just right on his face, the pinkness of his lips stretched into a wide gummy smile, that once jeongguk used to take pride in being-

the cause of, maybe it was the knots that jeongguk didn’t even realize were forming in his stomach until he finally sat down and read yoongi, a language he used to be fluent in.

and he realized, it could’ve been real. that everything could’ve been real, what they were doing, the show they had put on for everyone this holiday, it could’ve been real.

they could’ve been something more, something magical.

maybe then jeongguk wouldn’t feel so afraid to reach out and touch yoongi, just because it was something he once used to do without any fear of meaning something else.

jeongguk didn't mean to avoid yoongi but—

their breakup had taken even them by surprise, at first, they didn't believe it to be true, didn't believe it was something that could happen to them. maybe because jeongguk and yoongi both have always been a little hopeless romantic, trying to chase that forever feeling-

them and their first love and last love, the only love here and after.

they never thought that the other sides of their relationship, the feelings they yet had to learn to carry, and their childish stubbornness to fit their feet in too big shoes would lead them here one day.

four years, people said, were not that big of an age difference and jeongguk believed them, agreed, but he didn't know how to tell them that sometimes he felt like he was four lifetimes away from yoongi, like he had to run a million miles to be where yoongi-

had already spent half of his time, as if there was a clock that jeongguk needed to keep in mind, needed to count the words ticks, wishing for the world to pause, to freeze, so he could lean into yoongi and have him all to himself.

just for a little while, he didn't need a lifetime, just a little while with yoongi could do.

and those silly wishes he once used to have surfaced, and what do you do when you see a fight coming, one you were never prepared for, you run.

jeongguk was running away.

he was avoiding yoongi.

because

jeongguk realized they couldn’t be friends. they were once, yes, a long time ago, but after they crossed that line, and chose the path leading to something more, it was too late.

and he didn’t know how to tell yoongi that, how to ask yoongi, a burning question that was clouding inside his head the entire day- the day jeongguk kept to himself haunted by the ghosts of memories he thought he had buried six feet under in his heart.

—— • —— • —— • —— • —— • ——