***PADDINGTON 2 LIVE-TWEET: THE RULES***
This lecture explores the Christmas(ish) classic Paddington 2 through the lens of English & Welsh law.
Contributions are welcome, but I'm perfectly prepared to tweet the entire film to a wall of embarrassed silence.
#LegalLiveTweet
This lecture explores the Christmas(ish) classic Paddington 2 through the lens of English & Welsh law.
Contributions are welcome, but I'm perfectly prepared to tweet the entire film to a wall of embarrassed silence.
#LegalLiveTweet
This paper considers, inter alia, how the journey of one Peruvian bear through the criminal justice system might have been different had he and his associates all been subject to the law of England and Wales.
Some basic rules so we’re all singing from the same (Dario Marianelli) song sheet:
First and foremost, Paddington Bear is, for our purposes, subject to the jurisdiction of the criminal law. No presumption of Ursa Incapax here. If he does the crime, he’s doing the time.
First and foremost, Paddington Bear is, for our purposes, subject to the jurisdiction of the criminal law. No presumption of Ursa Incapax here. If he does the crime, he’s doing the time.
https://twitter.com/adamparsons/status/1603788029273030657
Secondly, there is academic debate over Paddington’s true age. We’ll return to this later when we reach Chapter 5: Was The Youth Court Wrongly Deprived of Jurisdiction?
But for ease, we presume that the bear is over the age of criminal responsibility, i.e. at least 10 years old.
But for ease, we presume that the bear is over the age of criminal responsibility, i.e. at least 10 years old.
Thirdly, I shall be mostly confining my analysis to criminal law, the area with which I struggle the least.
If your interests lie in how Paddington would fare under our immigration laws, I respectfully direct you to m’learned friend @ColinYeo1, whose excellent thesis is below.
If your interests lie in how Paddington would fare under our immigration laws, I respectfully direct you to m’learned friend @ColinYeo1, whose excellent thesis is below.
https://twitter.com/colinyeo1/status/1603869275101728768
Finally, lest there be any hecklers suggesting that Paddington 2 is not a Christmas film, I refer you to the below scientific research.
https://twitter.com/barristersecret/status/1600050815632216064
If I hear “Ooh, this isn’t a Christmas film”, or any other naysaying, then in the best traditions of high-follower legal egotists, I *am* going to block you without addressing your question, however valid.
Don’t be thinking this is a democracy. We’re not in Kansas anymore, Elon.
Don’t be thinking this is a democracy. We’re not in Kansas anymore, Elon.
Like this. This right here is what I’m talking about
Does Ish raise a valid point? Maybe
Does it merit a reply? Perhaps
Is it mildly critical of me? Yep
So does Ish get blocked? Yes he does
I’ll block all of you if I have to
Right. With that said, let the festivities begin!
Does Ish raise a valid point? Maybe
Does it merit a reply? Perhaps
Is it mildly critical of me? Yep
So does Ish get blocked? Yes he does
I’ll block all of you if I have to
Right. With that said, let the festivities begin!
https://twitter.com/ishkolhatkar/status/1603534887545454592
Right now there’s various ursine backstory. Nothing legal arises. So we can just sit back and enjoy.
For now.
For now.
An excellent question, Terry.
Links shall be posted at the end of the lecture.
The rest of you - be more like Terry.
Links shall be posted at the end of the lecture.
The rest of you - be more like Terry.
https://twitter.com/tgib567/status/1604205966911733761
I will say that I would not advise it.
https://twitter.com/darrenmaggs/status/1604206215395172352
Jim Broadbent! Wonderful Jim, pretending to be Mr Gruber, but in that accent actually channelling his greatest ever role.
As ever, Andrew appears to be one of the few students taking this course seriously.
Answer: Yes. We are presuming he is lawfully resident chez Brown.
Excellent contribution.
Answer: Yes. We are presuming he is lawfully resident chez Brown.
Excellent contribution.
https://twitter.com/excelpope/status/1604207295432458241
Now Paddington is working in a barber shop. And he’s shaving a customer! Who may or may not be Tom Conti.
I’ll try not to do this throughout the live-tweet, but, again, roles such as this deserve to be recognised:
I’ll try not to do this throughout the live-tweet, but, again, roles such as this deserve to be recognised:
They’re at the fair! It’s Hugh Grant!
Those who took the Love Actually course in 2019 may recall the HILARITY that ensued when my autocorrect christened him “High Grant”.
No such frivolity this time.
My new phone has him as Huge Grant.
Marvellous.
Those who took the Love Actually course in 2019 may recall the HILARITY that ensued when my autocorrect christened him “High Grant”.
No such frivolity this time.
My new phone has him as Huge Grant.
Marvellous.
I have been asked to publicly acknowledge that for the past four minutes my other half has been mopping garlic mayonnaise off our sofa and my foot after my excitement at the Huge Grant malarkey led to An Incident.
So there. Acknowledged.
So there. Acknowledged.
Now Paddington may think he’s doing Ben Miller a favour by washing his windows.
But without consent, he’s actually committing criminal damage under s1(1) of the Criminal Damage Act 1971. Max sentence 3 months.
Just be grateful it’s not a statue. It’d be 10 years. twitter.com/i/web/status/1…
But without consent, he’s actually committing criminal damage under s1(1) of the Criminal Damage Act 1971. Max sentence 3 months.
Just be grateful it’s not a statue. It’d be 10 years. twitter.com/i/web/status/1…
Now we’re into the meat of it.
Huge Grant is committing a commercial burglary!
Section 9(1)(b) of the Theft Act 1968.
And Paddington’s going to cop for it!
But…
Huge Grant is committing a commercial burglary!
Section 9(1)(b) of the Theft Act 1968.
And Paddington’s going to cop for it!
But…
The arresting police officer is off to a dreadful start.
No caution. And verbals.
Get your Police and Criminal Evidence Act 1984 and associated Codes of Practice out, love.
This stuff is basic.
No caution. And verbals.
Get your Police and Criminal Evidence Act 1984 and associated Codes of Practice out, love.
This stuff is basic.
We also appear to have police officers who don’t know the difference between burglary (theft from a building having entered as a trespasser) and robbery (using or threatening force in order to steal).
Section 9 v section 8 of the Theft Act.
Sigh.
Section 9 v section 8 of the Theft Act.
Sigh.
Skipping back, can’t believe I missed that.
This is the benefit of having actual professionals contributing.
This is the benefit of having actual professionals contributing.
https://twitter.com/MThomas_CrimLaw/status/1604209516425396224
Now. The trial.
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
This kind of burglary would likely be tried in the magistrates’ court due to the likely sentence (we’ll come back to this).
But Paddington has the right to elect a jury trial. Which is fine, that’s clearly what he’s done.
However.
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
This kind of burglary would likely be tried in the magistrates’ court due to the likely sentence (we’ll come back to this).
But Paddington has the right to elect a jury trial. Which is fine, that’s clearly what he’s done.
However.
We start with the gavel.
We pan around the *AMERICAN* courtroom.
And we see TOM FREAKING CONTI as the judge.
Paddington smeared the judge in marmalade and aggressively shaved him.
Why the heck is Paddington’s counsel not asking the judge to recuse himself?
We pan around the *AMERICAN* courtroom.
And we see TOM FREAKING CONTI as the judge.
Paddington smeared the judge in marmalade and aggressively shaved him.
Why the heck is Paddington’s counsel not asking the judge to recuse himself?
Now, there’s an awful lot to cover.
I promised earlier that we would deal with the Youth Court, on the assumption that Paddington’s age was in doubt.
Sod that. Let’s just say, it would have been of limited interest or value to your lives. We’re assuming he’s an adult,
I promised earlier that we would deal with the Youth Court, on the assumption that Paddington’s age was in doubt.
Sod that. Let’s just say, it would have been of limited interest or value to your lives. We’re assuming he’s an adult,
“The Crown VERSUS Paddington”???!’
What kind of marmalade-dipped maniac is this alleged judge?
The “v” in “The Crown v Paddington” is pronounced “against”.
FFS.
And now we have @RichardAyoade doing a dock ID of some marmalade.
This is utter chaos. It’s like I’m prosecuting.
What kind of marmalade-dipped maniac is this alleged judge?
The “v” in “The Crown v Paddington” is pronounced “against”.
FFS.
And now we have @RichardAyoade doing a dock ID of some marmalade.
This is utter chaos. It’s like I’m prosecuting.
And now Huge Grant is conducting an *actual dock ID*.
And nobody bats an eyelid.
Guilty or not, this trial is unfair in almost every conceivable way.
Or, as the Court of Appeal would say: “We uphold the conviction”.
And nobody bats an eyelid.
Guilty or not, this trial is unfair in almost every conceivable way.
Or, as the Court of Appeal would say: “We uphold the conviction”.
Paddington has been convicted of grand theft (which doesn’t exist in our law) and grievous barberly harm (which exists, but wasn’t on the trial indictment).
And the bear’s got porridge!*
10 years, in fact.
*This is a very clever joke actually.
And the bear’s got porridge!*
10 years, in fact.
*This is a very clever joke actually.
Now. The prison uniform.
We’ll let this go, because it leads to this - legally speaking - hilarious scene.
Nice one, bear.
We’ll let this go, because it leads to this - legally speaking - hilarious scene.
Nice one, bear.
While Paddington’s slagging Knuckles’ cooking, I’m reflecting on the trial.
I’m concerned there were also failures to follow the Criminal Procedure Rules Part 19 and associated Practice Direction relating to expert witnesses.
This is going to be a long advice on appeal.
I’m concerned there were also failures to follow the Criminal Procedure Rules Part 19 and associated Practice Direction relating to expert witnesses.
This is going to be a long advice on appeal.
But perhaps the most grievous inaccuracy - absolutely unforgivable, even in fiction - is the notion that Paddington would get a bail trial listed at the Crown Court in less than five years.
Paddington’s charmed Knuckles McGinty! He’s in!
Time to consult the Justice Inspectorate’s report on the management of gang issues among children and young people in prison custody and the community.
justiceinspectorates.gov.uk/hmiprisons/wp-…
Time to consult the Justice Inspectorate’s report on the management of gang issues among children and young people in prison custody and the community.
justiceinspectorates.gov.uk/hmiprisons/wp-…
Yes we are.
Stick a postal requisition in the mail. We’ll get him before the magistrates at some point in 2027.
Stick a postal requisition in the mail. We’ll get him before the magistrates at some point in 2027.
https://twitter.com/MThomas_CrimLaw/status/1604217655669542917
Huge Grant is in disguise! He’s gathering the horcruxes! I think.
I’ll be honest, I fell down a bit of a “gangs in prison” rabbit hole and have lost track a smidge. But I think that’s broadly the plot.
I’ll be honest, I fell down a bit of a “gangs in prison” rabbit hole and have lost track a smidge. But I think that’s broadly the plot.
Meanwhile, Paddington and Knuckles are facing off.
Knuckles is slamming Aunt Lucy.
I smell a riot…
Knuckles is slamming Aunt Lucy.
I smell a riot…
Oh. What an anticlimax.
Now they’re making marmalade. Which is lovely, obviously. This is a great scene. Delightful.
But I have a lot stored up to say about offences contrary to prison security.
And I have a horrible feeling that events are going to move too quickly for my typing to keep up.
But I have a lot stored up to say about offences contrary to prison security.
And I have a horrible feeling that events are going to move too quickly for my typing to keep up.
Sure. Why not.
Section 4A of the Public Order Act 1986.
Section 4A of the Public Order Act 1986.
https://twitter.com/batty70287495/status/1604220539870089218
I don’t want to go off brand here, but the conditions in this prison really do resemble, well, a holiday camp.
Another solid contribution.
Although is one required in custody? Any actual lawyers, do chip in.
Although is one required in custody? Any actual lawyers, do chip in.
https://twitter.com/0dB57156864/status/1604221228507709442
Oh! Oh! They’re planning an escape!
Escape is a criminal offence contrary to common law, carrying a maximum sentence of life.
Here is a snippet from the leading criminal law practitioner text.
Don’t say I never spoil you.
Escape is a criminal offence contrary to common law, carrying a maximum sentence of life.
Here is a snippet from the leading criminal law practitioner text.
Don’t say I never spoil you.
Let’s just pause here, in case I omit to do so later, to just vigorously applaud Huge Grant.
Every scene in this film is just perfect. This may be his zenith. Simply 👏👏👏👏👏👏
Every scene in this film is just perfect. This may be his zenith. Simply 👏👏👏👏👏👏
Right. The Browns have Trojan Horsed their way into Huge Grant’s house.
But what crime has actually been committed?
I’m going out on a limb and saying: none.
There is no intent to steal/damage/cause GBH. So I’m saying: civil trespass only.
Any takers?
But what crime has actually been committed?
I’m going out on a limb and saying: none.
There is no intent to steal/damage/cause GBH. So I’m saying: civil trespass only.
Any takers?
Trust the barristers to wade in with their “statutes” and their “law”.
Buzz off, poindexters.
Buzz off, poindexters.
https://twitter.com/moodybarrister/status/1604224955243237379
The Browns are taking their “fresh evidence” to a police station.
Amateur hour.
You need a signed Form W and a Gogana affidavit to lodge at the Court of Appeal with your advice on appeal, grounds of appeal and list of authorities.
Obviously.
Amateur hour.
You need a signed Form W and a Gogana affidavit to lodge at the Court of Appeal with your advice on appeal, grounds of appeal and list of authorities.
Obviously.
He’s out - and I’m doing it.
I’m charging the bear with breaking prison!
That’s right - it’s a real offence, contrary to common law.
And the best part?
It doesn’t matter that Paddington is subsequently (spoiler alert) acquitted.
He’s still going down for this.
I’m charging the bear with breaking prison!
That’s right - it’s a real offence, contrary to common law.
And the best part?
It doesn’t matter that Paddington is subsequently (spoiler alert) acquitted.
He’s still going down for this.
Aww man. This is good.
Kicking myself.
It was there for the taking.
Well played, Hardy-Susskind.
Kicking myself.
It was there for the taking.
Well played, Hardy-Susskind.
https://twitter.com/Joanna__Hardy/status/1604227284491472897
Now the Browns are lovingly helping Paddington.
You know what this means?
They’re co-conspirators.
Section 39 of the Prison Act 1952.
You know what this means?
They’re co-conspirators.
Section 39 of the Prison Act 1952.
Paddington has tracked Huge Grant onto a moving train! It’s where the last horcrux is! Probably.
Oh, and the Browns are apparently going to steal a train. “Even I know that’s a crime,” says my faithful companion as they mop up the garlic mayo.
Oh, and the Browns are apparently going to steal a train. “Even I know that’s a crime,” says my faithful companion as they mop up the garlic mayo.
There’s hella mischief on this train.
Now I could wax lyrical about s32 to 36 of the Offences Against the Person Act 1861. Or s56 of the British Transport Commission Act 1949. Really I could. And you’d be entranced.
But I’m going to settle for a nice simple attempted murder.
Now I could wax lyrical about s32 to 36 of the Offences Against the Person Act 1861. Or s56 of the British Transport Commission Act 1949. Really I could. And you’d be entranced.
But I’m going to settle for a nice simple attempted murder.
Ooh! Julie Walters has brought an imitation firearm with intent to cause fear of violence towards Huge Grant!
We’ll take a section 16A Firearms Act 1968, please Bob.
And a bladed article offence for the sword-wielding Huge Grant.
We’ll take a section 16A Firearms Act 1968, please Bob.
And a bladed article offence for the sword-wielding Huge Grant.
And after all that - after Paddington’s own version of the Jack/Rose “there was room for two on that door” - he doesn’t drown, and wakes up in bed!
Seemingly his conviction has been quashed in his absence by the Court of Appeal (Criminal Division) in record time! Huzzah!
Seemingly his conviction has been quashed in his absence by the Court of Appeal (Criminal Division) in record time! Huzzah!
Alas. A bitter twist.
The Browns’ joint disposable household income exceeds £37,500.
So Paddington does not qualify for legal aid.
And, even when acquitted, has to pay his private legal fees.
Bankrupting the family.
Don’t look at me like that. Blame Chris Grayling.
The Browns’ joint disposable household income exceeds £37,500.
So Paddington does not qualify for legal aid.
And, even when acquitted, has to pay his private legal fees.
Bankrupting the family.
Don’t look at me like that. Blame Chris Grayling.
And in a final kick in the gonads of justice, Huge Grant is sentenced to TEN YEARS for a minor commercial burglary in which a single book was stolen.
The statutory maximum.
The Sentencing Guideline suggests a starting point of 2 years.
Busy week for the Court of Appeal.
The statutory maximum.
The Sentencing Guideline suggests a starting point of 2 years.
Busy week for the Court of Appeal.
And… we’re done!
We’ve seen a lot of law tonight, kids
And we’ve spilled a lot of garlic mayo.
But I like to think that we’ve learned a little something along the way.
I, for instance, have learned not to balance a large tub of garlic mayo on my lap while tweeting about law.
We’ve seen a lot of law tonight, kids
And we’ve spilled a lot of garlic mayo.
But I like to think that we’ve learned a little something along the way.
I, for instance, have learned not to balance a large tub of garlic mayo on my lap while tweeting about law.
What a lovely film.
Thank you so much for your company, your patience and your general loveliness. Twitter gets a lot of stick, but you folks make it a wonderful place. I love you all.
Have a wonderful Christmas, and take care of each other. I’ll leave you all in peace. ❤️
Thank you so much for your company, your patience and your general loveliness. Twitter gets a lot of stick, but you folks make it a wonderful place. I love you all.
Have a wonderful Christmas, and take care of each other. I’ll leave you all in peace. ❤️
Oh! I promised the links to the previous live-tweets. So here you go:
Legally Blonde
Home Alone 2
Love Actually
Taken
Jingle All The Way
My Cousin Vinny
Legally Blonde
Home Alone 2
https://twitter.com/barristersecret/status/1076567910393540609?s=46&t=WmI4QeUPeqi2LBVV8Pi8oA
Love Actually
https://twitter.com/barristersecret/status/1208477506652844040?s=46&t=WmI4QeUPeqi2LBVV8Pi8oA
Taken
https://twitter.com/barristersecret/status/1299783896423436289?s=46&t=WmI4QeUPeqi2LBVV8Pi8oA
Jingle All The Way
https://twitter.com/barristersecret/status/1340386580285059072?s=46&t=WmI4QeUPeqi2LBVV8Pi8oA
My Cousin Vinny
https://twitter.com/barristersecret/status/1523014975434129410?s=46&t=WmI4QeUPeqi2LBVV8Pi8oA
https://twitter.com/barristersecret/status/974733783705538560
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