giving more of your energy to someone than they give and being upset about it is just a lack of social skills
inspired by Image
creepiness includes really subtle things like

>This can include displaying emotion too quickly or too vibrantly or the wrong emotion for the context btw

giving too much does too
i tend to think a lot of is inheriting an energetic template where people in your family anxiously did a lot of things to keep other people happy, and when they didn’t get enough, they complained, and this mostly seemed to work
family dynamics can persist in families, because you’re family, but this seems to work less good with other people

especially people from different families, who aren’t wired to respond the same way
this is good, because it can provide the energy to consider what the alternatives might be ✨
the existing template might have been taking up a lot of energy, and not meeting all your needs

what are other alternative sustainable energetic patterns for being in relationships of care and trust with people?

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More from @AskYatharth

Dec 31, 2022
codependency is mutually installing programs in each other so you don’t leave
there seems to be a form of choosing each other that does not involve fear, shame, and guilt, and it’s frankly kinda new
“what if love wasn’t about survival tho”
Read 8 tweets
Dec 31, 2022
i liked it when i didn’t have to be with my feelings every morning in such excruciating intimacy. why did god give me this challenge. well time to meet the moment and swim in it
it’s scary to be met by the next wave of feeling. sometimes it’s the kind of feelings i told myself i wouldn’t feel at all. it’s also the thing that helps more than anything else
it also helps the feelings can be private. no one need to know, and they can be only for me
Read 7 tweets
Dec 30, 2022
it’s tough to believe people like you for the you that you are when you don’t like yourself very much
you begin to look for other explanations, you think it’s because of this, or that, because their actions are causing 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵 and dissonance in you and you want it to stop
i have ruined many beautiful things this way
Read 5 tweets
Dec 30, 2022
the most anguishing part of jealous was that no one would care. they wouldn’t care, and i wouldn’t care…

i’d ignore/hide/consider threatening/dismiss. anything but take it seriously
“do i still have to do that?” that is the question. to look at my environment. to look at myself and my resources. to look at the other person. “do i still need to do that?”
the answer is increasingly “no.” keep an eye on it, keep a check in it, because i still haven’t built enough trust i’ll respond to it, but otherwise—it wants nothing from this moment. it just wants to know i’ll respond to it as and when i need to
Read 8 tweets
Dec 30, 2022
the way out of a codependent relationship with your parents is not to try to change their behaviour. it’s to put more distance between you and them so they can keep having the feelings they’re having while you have space for yours
as i spend more time with my parents, im realising i was trying to control their reactions, because they were interfering with my mine

im realising the secret is to not try to to control their behaviour, to make them stop doing my triggers, but rather to *internally move away*
communication can be part of it, and their changing their behaviour can be part of it, and has been — but 𝘪 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘧𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘰𝘮 𝘪 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘬
Read 7 tweets
Dec 29, 2022
“Here is the one commandment.

Care about your partner. Care about how they’re feeling. Keep track of what they like and don’t like. Try to keep doing the things they like; try to stop doing the things they don’t like.” Image
“If you can do these things, your relationship will not explode. If you can’t do these things, [it will]… The relationship will be deeper and better if you have good sex, good communication, etc—but none of these can override the one commandment.” Caring.
“To accept the burden of caring about the arbitrary, capricious desires of your partner is is to infringe on your own 𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘰𝘮.” Wasn’t it…? Image
Read 16 tweets

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