Thread by @lesleyabravanel

THREAD: Governor White Power's inauguration speech was demented. Here are some of the most egregious lies with necessary edits:

Freedom lives here, in our great Sunshine State of Florida!

[Edit: only if you agree with my authoritarianism]

Over the past few years, as so many states in our country ground their citizens down, we in Florida lifted our people up.

[Edit: as long as you were white, heterosexual, Christian and MAGA Republican]

When the world lost its mind – when common sense suddenly became an uncommon virtue – Florida was a refuge of sanity, a citadel of freedom for our fellow Americans and even for people around the world.

[Edit: Always a punchline, Florida has NEVER been a refuge of sanity]

In captaining the ship of state, we choose to navigate the boisterous sea of liberty rather than cower in the calm docks of despotism.

[Edit: Liberty for white, Christian, heterosexual MAGA men and despotism for the rest of us, Guv White Power]

"As the Book of Psalms reminds us,"

[Edit: I, Governor White Power, am a Christo-fascist]

We have articulated a vision for a free and prosperous state.
We have, through persistence and hard work, executed on that vision.
We have produced favorable results.

[Edit: Um, no, no you have not]

We said we would ensure that Florida taxed lightly, regulated reasonably, and spent conservatively – and we delivered.
[Edit: Guv WP took $1B in new tax collections from consumers, leaving corporate tax evasion tactics untouched. 99% of FL companies pay no corporate income tax]

We promised we would enact big education reforms – and we delivered.
[Edit: Hoo boy, this requires its own thread. For average per-student spending, Florida ranks 44th nationally. teacher pay is 3rd lowest, 48th in the country, and then there's #DontSayGay & teacher shortages]

We said we would end judicial activism by appointing jurists who understand the proper role of a judge is to apply the law as written, not legislate from the bench – and we delivered.
[Edit: stack courts with those who subscribe to Guv WP's brand of Christo-fascism]

We promised to usher in a new era of stewardship for Florida’s natural resources by promoting water quality and Everglades restoration efforts – and we delivered.
[Edit: Biden delivered on restoration. Toxic algae spurred by climate change led to massive economic losses.

Environmental Protection Agency has determined that Florida’s antiquated water quality standards do not go far enough in protecting its citizens — particularly those who consume fish — from pollutants and adverse health effects.]

We said we would stand for law and order and support the men and women of law enforcement – and we delivered.
[Edit: More police in Florida have died from COVID-19 than gunfire or other work-related injuries, according to the Orlando Sentinel.

Guv White Power pissed away $200 million of police pension by refusing to divest from Russia]

And when Hurricane Ian came last year, the state coordinated a massive mobilization of response personnel, facilitated the fastest power restoration on record, and even quickly rebuilt key bridges that had been wiped out by the storm.
[Edit: Thanks President Biden!]

Florida is #1 in education freedom

[Edit: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. #DontSayGay and god forbid you say slavery was bad!]

And we rank #1 in parental involvement in education

[Edit: Only if you're a Mom of Liberty, otherwise your input is either ignored, ridiculed or punished]

Florida also ranks #1 in public higher education
[Edit: Guv White Power is placing his Christo-fascist flunkies on the boards of public universities, firing those who don't agree. Number 1 in Christ-fascism in public higher education, maybe.]

This is a record we can all be proud of.
[Edit: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAh]
And we are far from done:
[Edit: yikes, that's what we're afraid of]

Florida has accumulated a record budget surplus, and we need to enact a record amount of tax relief, particularly for Florida families who are grappling with inflation.
[Edit: inflation comes and goes but how bout that property insurance crisis?]

We must ensure school systems are responsive to parents and to students, not partisan interest groups, and we must ensure that our institutions of higher learning are focused on academic excellence& the pursuit of truth, not the imposition of trendy ideology.
[Edit: Then resign]

Florida must always be a great place to raise a family – we will enact more family-friendly policies to make it easier to raise children and we will defend our children against those who seek to rob them of their innocence.
[Edit: Florida was ranked one of the worst places to

raise a family in 2022 mypanhandle.com/news/local-new…]

We will always remain a law-and-order state, we will always support law enforcement, and we will always reject soft-on-crime policies that put our communities at risk.
[Edit: Wait til he passes permitless carry!]

Florida is now in a golden era for conservation of our treasured natural resources.

[Edit: Poor water quality, toxic algae, feces in the ocean]

Our momentum is strong and we will finish what we started – we will leave Florida to God better than we found it!
[Edit: You let 83,911 Floridians die so you could keep the Olive Garden open during a deadly pandemic]

The policies pursued by these states have sparked a mass exodus of productive Americans from these jurisdictions – with Florida serving as the most desired destination, a promised land of sanity.
[Edit: a Christ-fascist cesspool of INSANITY]

Many of these cities and states have embraced faddish ideology at the expense of enduring principles.

[Edit: Guv White Power ignores #NazisInFlorida so he can persecute drag queens and investigate life-saving vaccines if you wanna talk about embracing 'faddish' ideologies]

They have harmed public safety by coddling criminals and attacking law enforcement.
[In 2020, per capita murder rates were 40% higher in states won by Donald Trump than those won by Joe Biden.]

They have imposed unreasonable burdens on taxpayers to finance unfathomable levels of public spending.

[Edit: Guv White Power pissed away $17 million at least in trafficking humans from Texas to Martha's Vineyard]

They have harmed education by subordinating the interests of students and parents to partisan interest groups.

[Edit: Unlike Florida, "they" allow students to be taught to accept LGBTQ humans and to learn the truth about slavery]

They have imposed medical authoritarianism in the guise of pandemic mandates and restrictions that lack a scientific basis.

[Edit: "They" did not kill 83,911 Floridians to own the libs. "They" did not punish schools for protecting kids during a deadly pandemic]

This bizarre, but prevalent, ideology that permeates these policy measures purports to act in the name of justice for the marginalized, but it frowns upon American institutions, it rejects merit and achievement, and it advocates identity essentialism.
[Edit: Wait, what? ]

We reject this woke ideology.
We seek normalcy, not philosophical lunacy!
We will not allow reality, facts, and truth to become optional.
We will never surrender to the woke mob.
Florida is where woke goes to die!

[Edit: Florida is where 83,911 went to die]

It gets so much worse as Guv White Power cosplays his fave Christ-fascist Turd Reichian fantasies, ending:
We will be on our guard
We will stand firm in the faith.
We will be courageous.
We will be strong!
& we thank God and are proud to be citizens of the great Free State of FL