Thread by @_mari_moonmoon

#zhancheng The Spare - 3º update

They meet during the afternoon in a coffee shop outside Lotus Pier.

https://twitter.com/_mari_moonmoon/status/1611874857733472256

Jiang Cheng doesn’t know what to expect, it’s been a few months since they have spoken, truly. And this is strange – it usually is Jiang Cheng the one taking the initiative, the one trying to keep their bond alive.

It is even stranger that when he enters the shop, there’s already someone waiting for him.

“a-cheng! You’re finally here,” Wei Wuxian excitedly says, standing up and crossing the shop to hug him. Jiang Cheng lets it happen, arguing that he also deserves this,

, to have something he does miss: hugs from Wei Wuxian.
Since he knows the other, that he has always been in his personal space. As they grew older, especially after they presented, when others started avoiding him, worried that the rumors about this scent were true,

that it was contagious, that his closed-off face was truly a sign that he was as ruthless as his mother, Wei Wuxian was one of the only ones that kept on treating him as a human.

As someone worthy to be seen.

When they sit, Wei Wuxian fumbling with the menu, it becomes obvious to Jiang Cheng that he will have to be the one to break the ice.

Even if he doesn’t know why Wei Wuxian asked him here.

Jiang Cheng, remembering all the lectures that Yanli gave him in the past about yielding

power, and disarming the other, strikes first:
“I am engaged.”

The menu almost falls from Wei Wuxian’s hands, but he always had good reflexes. It takes some minutes until he lifts his head and stares back at Jiang Cheng, then he questions:

“How do you feel about it?” it is a genuine question, he realizes. There is not a once of humor or teasing in Wei Wuxian’s words. And the way he keeps staring it is clear that he is monitoring Jiang Cheng’s reaction, trying to catch any lie or omission.

If it was almost anyone else, Jiang Cheng would choose sarcasm as a response. But this was Wei Wuxian, the closest thing he had to an older brother, the boy that his parents tried to pain as an enemy – indirectly by his father, directly by his mother – and still,

he never could stop loving him.

This was the same boy that made him lose his dogs and always protected him from the boogiemen living under their beds.

Jiang Cheng is honest:

“I feel angry, but I have some hope that my cage in the Lan state will be slightly bigger than in Lotus Pier,” it’s a metaphor, but he knows that Wei Wuxian understands.

He sees how Wei Wuxian’s hands bend the menu, and how he starts breathing more deeply as if trying to control a beast inside of him waiting to roar. He sees it, and he still gets surprised when he hears his following words:

“Forgive me, a-cheng. I failed you,”

there are tears in Wei Wuxian’s eyes. Jiang Cheng doesn’t remember the last time the other boy cried, but he knows it’s been years.

“What? Why are you apologizing?”

“I should have protected you,” he says immediately.

“I should have found a way to get you out of this fucked up family, to ensure that both you and Yanli were safe. I should have found a wa-”

“Wei Wuxian, shut up,” and he does, now the one caught by surprise. “Stop spouting nonsense. What could have you done? You need power to fight against the machine. And it doesn’t matter if you’re a genius if you’re alone on your side. And you are, we all are.”

There was no immediate reply because it was the truth.

They were all alone on their side.

Yanli, the sickly child whose birthright people wanted to revoke because she was born a female.

It didn’t matter how competent or skilled she was, in a sect that was not fundamentally matriarchal as the Yu, she would always be the weakest link according to others. If at least she had some of the Yu snark,

if she was an oiled killing machine like her mother, but no one could forget how much she cried the first time she killed something.

How later she had been caught giving an honorable funeral to the animal. People don’t forget

. Especially when your own parents scorn you and publicly show that they don’t trust you. Any other heir with her age would rule over the sect by now.

Then there was Jiang Cheng, the male that could not be heir because he was too late. The younger brother that refused to turn against his sister even if that meant never having the throne. He was the one whom people whispered about with pity:

that’s the young master who’s unable to beat the outsider. That’s the young master who presented as an omega. And even in that he was able to fail, rumored to be cursed – and what else could explain such a rotten smell coming from him?

He was the one that would never be enough. The one who had not been enough for his own parents, who pawned him as a cow when arranged marriages were becoming increasingly rarer.

And then there was Wei Wuxian, the outsider. It didn’t matter how brilliant he was, or what he was able to overcome, his achievements would always be used as a weapon by others. He has been promised a family and a safe place to only years later realize he was a pet project

from a man who had his heart broken and expected him to be someone who he would never be – his parents. Wei Wuxian saw himself pitted against the few people that always cared for him until he realized that he had to step away.

They had always been alone, unless when the three were together. Jiang Cheng had always been aware of it.

“You’re not our savior, Wei Wuxian,” he says with a steady voice. “Regardless of what nonsense my mom tries to convince you, your life is not worth less than ours

and it is not your duty to protect us.”

“But a-cheng, I c-”

“Let me finish,” he pleads, taking the other hand on his. “It’s not your duty and you should not be that overbearing. You are a genius, and you are skilled, but you are only one man. There’s nothing you can do alone.

Maybe someday you’ll be able to dismantle all of this, but right now, the only thing you can – and should – do is lay low and hope no one notices you.”
“No one cares about me,” he quickly replies.

“You know that’s not true. The same reason you know that the only reason my mother didn’t set a marriage arrangement for you is the agreement the sects made when you presented. You’re part of the Jiang, but we cannot favor us, our sect, by using you.”

“It should be me,” he says

and Jiang Cheng knows he is referring to the wedding with Lan Wangji. Nonetheless, he agrees with him.

It should have been him. It hurt to admit, but it would have been better for all of them.

When Jiang Cheng doesn’t speak, Wei Wuxian continues

“if it was me, at least you would be free.”

And he can’t control his outburst “are you fucking kidding me? That’s the reason why it should be you?” Wei Wuxian blinks stupidly at him, so Jiang Cheng keeps going

“You think it should have been you marrying Lan Wangji because it would have spared me? That’s it? There’s no other reason why you think that would work better?”

He seems to think for a bit until he says “and because I would be able to spend more time with Lan Xichen, who’s a riot when drunk. Is that a reason?”

Infuriated, Jiang Cheng stands up and pointing at Wei Wuxian, groans:

“You’re a moron,” he walks to the exit and leaves the other by himself.

On the way home, Jiang Cheng laughs. He laughs because it is easier than crying. He laughs because theirs is such a fucked up situation and, despite everything, Wei Wuxian was being honest – he knows it.

Life works in twisted ways.

A week later, Jiang Cheng is entering the same coffee shop, to once again meet someone. And, once more, it wasn’t him taking the initiative.

When he enters and locates Lan Wangji, contrary to his other meeting a week ago, there’s no hug. The man nods and a shadow

smile flashes in his expression.

“You came,” Lan Wangji says with something akin to wonder. And Jiang Cheng, bitter and angry, wants to scream that it is Wei Wuxian the one who forgets about things.

That he is true to his word.

But he just nods, remembering that he cannot let his conjectures about others rule his life. He cannot make decisions regarding what others think and feel and believe they reflect their truth.

“Brother said we should speak,” then,

as if realizing he had made a mistake, he quickly amends, “and I also agree that we should speak, me and Jiang Cheng.”

It’s one of the first times in the last years that Jiang Cheng has seen something similar to jitters in Lan Wangji’s behavior.

“I am here,” he says,

, not willing to give him much more.

“I spoke to brother and, despite what was agreed in our last meeting, I think we should do things differently.”
Jiang Cheng feels a pit in his stomach. Getting married is not something he wants to do but knowing that he would be able to get

his degree after was a small glimmer of hope at the end of the tunnel.

But now Lan Wangji is obviously telling him that he changed his mind and there won-

“I think you should get your degree first, Jiang Cheng,” he rushes his words, as if aware of Jiang Cheng’s internal panic. “Your mother has made it clear they were counting on the deal between the sects to be executed now, and my brother does not have a problem in fulfilling our

part before we marry. He was going to speak with your parents today.”

So this is not a conversation to get Jiang Cheng’s agreement. Then why?

Once again, as if reading his thoughts, Lan Wangji says “I think we should talk about our arrangement.”

“Our arrangement?”

Starting to blush, Lan Wangji nods his head once and powers through, “yes. We should clarify what we expect from each other during the next years.”

Now it is Jiang Cheng’s turn to blush. He feels the tension in his muscles, the anticipation of what’s going

happen next.

“We are both adults, engaged, and have needs to be met like he-”

“I don’t want to spend my heat with you,” Jiang Cheng blurts, panic filling his veins.

He is overwhelmed with memories of pain, the feeling that his organs are mentally inside, and the echoes of his voice in the room, screaming for someone to end it. To end the pain.

And he can’t imagine someone else – not even someone that he holds so dear like Lan Wangji – witnessing his state.

“Don’t make me,” he whimpers, unable to finish the sentence. Yes, heats are spoken as moments of pleasure for the omega, when pain only occurs when their needs are not met, but Jiang Cheng doesn’t remember ever feeling something akin to desire, or pleasure during one of his heats

There’s only pain.

“No, I would never,” Lan Wangji doesn’t know what words to use, or what to say, so he chooses to hold Jiang Cheng’s hand, tenderly. “I would never demand that from you.”

This, is this tenderness that he craves from him.

Is this that he wishes their relationship had evolved to, without having to be forced due to an arrangement.

This is what he convinced himself he would never have. And that’s why he says the next words:

“You can spend your ruts with whomever you want,” Lan Wangji’s eyes widen, not expecting his words. “In fact, we both know this is not real, right?” he doesn’t notice how he’s not holding no hand anymore. “There is no need to pretend. Why don’t we live our lives, until the

the marriage, and then we figured out another solution – well, we do need to have some decorum I guess.”

Jiang Cheng can’t stop speaking, the words falling from his mouth as if they were only waiting to become real.

With each word, Lan Wangji gets quieter and quieter, his already pale complexion becoming more white, but Jiang Cheng is too much in his head to notice.

“Let’s be with whomever we want until there’s a ring on our fingers, okay?” Jiang Cheng proposes and as the words leave

his mouth, he regrets them away.

“You want to date other people?” Lan Wangji asks stoically.

“I want to enjoy college, just as you and Wei Wuxian had the opportunity to,” he confesses, surprising himself. “I want to have a normal life for how long I can.”

Something changes in Lan Wangji’s expression, but he can’t pinpoint what.

“Of course, Jiang Cheng, you deserve it. I just want to request you one thing: can we keep in touch?”

Perhaps it is a glimpse of fragility. Maybe it is the understanding that Lan Wangji also didn’t choose to be in this boat.

“Of course,” he says smiling. “We are friends after all, right?”

It’s as much apology as he can give at this moment, and when Lan Wangji nods, he thinks that there may be some hope for them.

/

They meet in a coffee shop just outside Lotus Pier. It’s a conspicuous place, a small business, not the type of establishment where you expect to see a sect leader and an heir.

Lan Xichen smiles brightly, long hair hiding his face from the other people in the coffee shop, and Yanli feels like a mouse staring at a cat.

“I am so happy you accepted my invitation. I missed this,” he speaks as if he was not the one at fault for this not happening anymore.

Yanli remains silent.

“I still cannot believe our families will become one – it was always one of my most prized desires.”

Power can be yielded by force and fear. Lan Xichen always preferred playing with words. It doesn’t hurt when you have the skills to back it up if anything goes wrong. But Yanli has known him since he was a child. She remembers the boy too afraid to become his father, stricken

with the grief of losing a loving mother but too worried about his baby brother to do something about it.

She remembers the blood. That grin when he got back from the forest. How later, when everyone was mingling, he whispered in her ear: that man won’t ever touch you again.

His first kill was a Jin disciple, quite older than them at the time. Everyone thought it was a political move: do not fuck with us.

Yanli knew the truth: that man had grabbed her bottom earlier in the day and Lan Xichen had seen.

The scarier part was that when he smiled at her, the blood painting his face, the long hair smeared with it, she didn’t feel afraid.

Is this how it feels to be protected?, she thought at the time.

Even now, as he tries to bait her, she is not afraid. It is a mistake, she knows. They are both playing a game in which Lan Xichen is not king, but emperor. But still, there’s no fear running in her veins.

In fact, with each of his words, she only feels the anger grow. Rage that she’s not enough. That he killed for her, but it’s in death that he draws the line.

“Do you think our brothers will be happy?”

She snorts at that, “would you be happy if you were sold like a cow?”

His eyes widen, and she intimately grins. Check, she thinks.

“I did not sell my brother,” he splutters. “He could choose.”

And maybe today she wants to make him hurt, even if she’s also hurt in turn. Maybe she wants to see him suffer.

“Do you truly think he would say no when he knew what that meant for my brother? Did he really have a choice?”

“I would not have made the same choice,” he immediately replies.

She smiles at that, “of course not, my love,” she sees how he staggers at the old nickname. It’s been how long since she used it? Ages for sure. “But he still has a beating heart”.

“Yanli, you know th-”

“That I have to go, yes. You’re right as always, Lan Xichen,” she caresses his cheek, feeling his warm skin, wondering if she’ll ever be afforded to touch him again. “Some of us are truly trying to change things around here.”

She doesn’t look back to see his reaction.

When she leaves the place, as she walks home, she doesn’t think about the consequences. She’s still relishing her checkmate.

// this is it for today

the song for the two first parts is eyes on fire - blue foundation

lxc and yanli's song is the benefits of heartbreak - epik high

now, some author notes :)

until this moment in the story, no cheating happened yet, okay?

also, nothing happened between lwj and wwx besides what we saw in the last update (which was mostly in lwj head)

I know that because there is the cheating tag, it is easy to already be mad at some characters

but don't let that distract you from what's happening in the story right now

we're still getting to know them, how they think and what moves them and right now everybody is trying to do their best (even if their best is being silent)

but they're trying

believe me, you'll have lots of time later to be mad at them

okay, more information: in this setting, there are these yearly events when all sects get together and they show off their skills

these events are moments for the heirs to prove themselves, +

+ there are businesses and trades made between the different participants and it's basically a moment for you to show off

because lxc and yanli are older, and both of them were/are heirs, there was always a lot more pressure for them during these events

we won't get much information about jc, wwx and lwj participating in these because honestly, they are not the main focus of their sects - in fact, both the jiang and the lan sect prefer to not show off these guys skills and keep them as a secret

and as you may have noticed, lxc and yanli have some story (and lxc is an ass xD who would know? ehehe)

oh, yes, jc was the one proposing that despite the arrangement, they keep on living their lives until they marry, and this is mostly due to word vomit +

+ but also because despite loving lwj, he wants to have a normal life; he wants to enjoy college. And since he is convinced that lwj won't look at him, he wants to have the chance to be with other people if the opportunity arises

let's see how this goes in the next update ehehe

well, I'll update in ao3 now, but tell me what you're thinking :)

did you enjoy this lxc and yanli part? do you want to shake wwx and his need to save everyone?

tell me things!!

and as always, anyone who wants (and is able to afford to!), can pay me a coffee here:

ko-fi.com/mari_moonmoon