Thread by @kalonanoetic

modern au where ranwan are dating but chu wanning still has anxieties about whether or not mo ran actually likes him or is just with him out of pity.

that is, until mo ran comes back home from a work dinner very drunk. so drunk, in fact, that he barely recognises his boyfriend.

“mo ran,” chu wanning sighs as the love of his life stands in the doorway. “where are your shoes?”

“shoes?” mo ran asks, surprised.

then he looks down.

“oh.”

his shirt has half its buttons undone, his hair is a mess—and he is currently wearing one sock and no shoes.

“did you get robbed?” chu wanning asks, half scolding and half genuinely concerned.

“no, no—” mo ran shakes his head. “I gave them away.”

chu wanning’s brows raise. “to who?”

mo ran’s eyes narrow in thought. he looks like he’s struggling, and chu wanning sighs again.

“never mind then. come inside, let me get you undressed—”

he starts to reach for mo ran’s remaining shirt buttons, ready to undo them to he can help mo ran to their bed—

but mo ran’s hands catch his before he can begin.

“no,” mo ran says, the word slurred but stern.

chu wanning pulls back slightly, confused and a little stung.

“no?” he asks.

“you are very pretty,” mo ran reaches up one hand to pat chu wanning’s cheek. “very, very pretty. but I have a boyfriend.”

chu wanning stares at him.

he blinks once, then tilts his head.

“mo ran…” he says slowly. “do you know who I am?”

mo ran stares back at him, and it’s clear that not a single thought is going on behind those lovely dark eyes.

chu wanning pinches the bridge of his nose.

“idiot,” he says, though he can’t quite erase the fondness in the word.

he steps aside, allowing mo ran to take a few steps into their apartment.

“okay, I won’t undress you. but you need to come inside and get ready for bed, or your boyfriend will be annoyed with you.”

mo ran frowns. “but he loves me.”

chu wanning’s brain stalls for a few moments before he flushes.

“well—yes. but he can love you and be annoyed with you at the same time, so put on your nightclothes.”

mo ran considers this for a few moments, weighing up his options. then he slowly walks into the living room.

chu wanning brings him the shirt and sweatpants that he usually wears to bed, as well as a glass of water.

he’s not entirely sure how mo ran got home, or what how much he’d had to drink, but he figures that at this point it’s better not to ask.

mo ran accepts the water happily.

“you’re so nice,” he says to chu wanning after he’s finished drinking—spilling more than a few drops on his white dress shirt. “you’re just like my wanning.”

chu wanning’s lips curl upward slightly. shy, despite himself.

“he’s nice, is he?”

mo ran nods. “so nice. nice and…”

his brows furrow as he tries to think of a second word.

“cute,” he decides.

“no he isn’t,” chu wanning says reflexively. an automatic response to one of mo ran’s favourite debates.

“yes he is,” mo ran argues. “he has a cute face and cute expressions and a cute—”

chu wanning slaps a hand over mo ran’s mouth, his cheeks burning.

mo ran pouts up at chu wanning, dejected about being cut off.

“just—” chu wanning shoves mo ran’s night clothes into his hand, “—put these on and stop talking nonsense. it’s late and you should go to bed.”

“with baobei?” mo ran asks once chu wanning takes his hand away from his mouth, absentmindedly accepting the clothes.

“yes,” chu wanning responds, trying to stop himself from smiling again. “with your boyfriend.”

mo ran nods. “that’s good. I miss him.”

“you only saw him a few hours ago. that’s hardly enough time to miss him,” chu wanning says. the words are dismissive but his voice is soft.

to chu wanning’s horror, mo ran’s eyes gain a wet sheen.

“I miss him all the time. I wish he never left and I never left,” mo ran says.

he is sitting on the couch with his head drooping sadly, like an abandoned puppy.

“I think about him /all/ the time when he’s not there. I thought about him tonight while I was drinking and I wished he was there with me. I wanted to go home and see him again.”

chu wanning’s chest tightens and he gently pats mo ran on the head.

“he thinks about you all the time when you’re not there as well,” he says quietly. “and he misses you.”

mo ran leans into the touch.

“then we should always stay home,” he says. “just me and wanning.”

“then how would either of you make any money?” chu wanning asks, amused.

“I don’t need money to live,” mo ran says. “I need my baobei.”

chu wanning is aware that mo ran is being ridiculous so he doesn’t attempt to respond, but a warm feeling seeps through him.

he knows mo ran loves him. mo ran tells him it often, but there is a difference between knowing something to be true and understanding why it is true.

chu wanning does not understand why he is loved.

he does not know why someone like mo ran wants him, or if he deserves it.

as such, it is easy for chu wanning to make up excuses for mo ran’s behaviour; things that make more sense than what mo ran tells him is the truth.

mo ran loves him—because he doesn’t know any better.

mo ran loves him—but not as much as chu wanning loves him back.

so to hear mo ran tell him, in such an open and vulnerable state, that all he needs to live is chu wanning…

is a dangerous thing.

chu wanning tries not to focus on it as he instructs mo ran through undressing himself and then helps him put his nightclothes on.

as he dresses, mo ran talks. a little bit about his day, a little bit about his work—

but mostly about chu wanning.

“did you know my boyfriend is really smart?” he asks chu wanning. “really, really smart. there’s no one in the whole world who’s smarter than him.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” chu wanning says as he watches mo ran fiddle with the drawstring of his sweatpants.

“it is!” mo ran protests. “I mean—he still hasn’t figured out the dishwasher. or the oven. so some things are difficult for him, but he’s good at cool stuff!”

chu wanning purses his lips at the mention of the dishwasher—which he /will/ figure out at some point, honestly—but mo ran has already moved on.

“and he’s so kind! he does so many things for me and doesn’t tell me and I only figure them out later. no one else does that.”

mo ran grabs chu wanning’s wrist, looking into his eyes with a hazy gaze, and chu wanning is suddenly grateful that the lights are dim enough to confuse mo ran’s intoxicated brain.

he’s not sure he could bear the weight of mo ran’s recognition right now.

“he rescued me when I was a kid, and he made me wontons for years whenever I was sad,” mo ran says. “and I think he saved my life, you know? not just when I was a kid, but later. I used to be so—angry. and sad, and I just wanted to destroy shit. and I hurt him a lot back then.”

“he… made plenty of mistakes along the way,” chu wanning says softly.

“not like I did.” mo ran shakes his head. “I was fucked up, and I wanted to fuck him up. but he loved me, and he believed in me and I—didn’t want to hurt him at all. so I changed.”

this is all old history, so chu wanning doesn’t know why there’s a lump in his throat.

“that’s not something he did, mo ran. that’s something you did, which took great courage and sacrifice,” he says.

“but I did it for him,” mo ran says. “because—I wanted him to be happy.”

he sways slightly on his feet and chu wanning reaches out to steady him, resting a hand on his boyfriend’s broad shoulder.

“do you think I did okay?” mo ran asks, his voice slightly hoarse. “I tried really hard, so… do you think I made him happy?”

“you did,” chu wanning whispers.

not trusting himself to speak evenly if he raises his voice.

“you make him very happy, mo ran. happier than he deserves.”

mo ran doesn’t seem to be listening. he stares somewhere behind chu wanning, even as chu wanning leads him to their bed.

“I need to make him happier than anyone else. I need to take care of him and keep him safe and make sure he smiles,” mo ran says as chu wanning pushes him onto the bed and drags the covers up over him. “and if I’m really good then maybe he won’t leave me.”

chu wanning inhales.

“he won’t, mo ran. ever,” he says.

he tries to make him voice firm, but he can hear the hitch in the last word.

“you are—the best thing that has ever happened to him. and he would be a fool to let you go.”

mo ran hums, and there is no evidence he took in chu wanning’s words.

“you should go to sleep now,” chu wanning tells him. “get some rest. I will… remind you of this in the morning.”

he draws back, but mo ran grips his sleeve tightly.

“can I see wanning?” he asks, and he sounds so hopeful that chu wanning aches.

he puts a hand on mo ran’s cheek

“mo ran,” he says. “look at me carefully and listen to my voice. who am I?”

mo ran squints at him, and something about chu wanning’s exasperated expression must be familiar, because after a few moments his whole face lights up.

“baobei!” he exclaims. “when did you get here?”

“when indeed,” chu wanning says dryly.

but he leans down and presses a kiss to mo ran’s forehead, stroking his cheekbone with his thumb.

“shameless boy,” he says, and there is so much love in those two words. “sleep. I’ll be here in the morning.”

“okay,” mo ran says, sounding far more rested than before. “love you baobei.”

he closes his eyes, and that is all it takes for him to drift off.

chu wanning sits by his side for a while, watching him sleep.

he does not say it back out loud, but the words echo in his heart.