Thread by @schei720

#zhongchi modern au
**TW: mentions of abuse, bullying, selfharm**

Hundreds of students pass through his lecture hall every year but Zhongli remembers each and every one. His colleagues are irked by his memory.

Some students, of course, leave a deeper impression than others.

He will never forget the red-haired exchange student from Snezhnaya with hollow blue eyes. He was always alone, because the other students were afraid of him — and he did not try to talk to him.

His name was Ajax, and he was full of scars. Some old and some new, on his hands,

along his neck, and a thin, discoloured line on the side of his face, narrowly missing his left eye. The rest of his body was religiously hidden under long sleeves and trousers, but everyone had their own wild imaginations.

The rumours were just as rampant — that Ajax was

a juvenile criminal and had killed people back in Snezhnaya, that he was the son of a mob boss, that he was recently released from a facility and mentally unstable.

Ajax did nothing to dispel the rumours that spread like wildfire, and soon — he was all alone.

Even some of the other professors were scared to death of him.

But Zhongli watched all of his students, and after a month or so, he realised several things.

One, Ajax was an attentive and dilligent student. He would always sit all the way at the back of the lecture hall,

away from everyone else, but he was always taking notes. His essays, though not perfect, were written with a lot of effort and research.

Two, Ajax was not quite as 'battle-hardened' as his peers made him out to be. He would sit near the window at the back, far from the heaters

even though he was clearly not fond of the cold. Zhongli has seen him sitting with his nose buried in a thick red scarf around his neck, drinking something hot from a flask.

Ajax was not emotionless either. Once, Zhongli showed an old film about the ancient Adepti,

Streetward Rambler and Guizhong during class. Some students fell asleep, some were playing with their phones. Zhongli was considering changing the subject film for next year, when he looked up and saw Ajax staring wide-eyed at the screen, silent tears streaming down his face.

When he caught Zhongli looking at him, Ajax went red with embarrassment and immediately looked away, pretending to wipe some dirt that got into his eyes.

The exchange student mystifies him, and to some extent, worries him — Zhongli has been a teacher long enough to know that

each of his students have issues outside of school, and he cannot nor is it his duty to fix all of them.

But when he sees Ajax talking and smiling as he plays with children at the docks, or when he is sharing something with his only two friends, the twins, Aether and Lumine,

when he remembers Ajax crying quietly and alone at the back of the lecture hall, something twists in his chest, and he slowly comes to believe that Ajax is more afraid of everyone else than they are of him.

And it stays on his mind.

- - - - - - -

When he was a small boy, Ajax believed that the worst thing in the world was not getting a present from Santa on Christmas because you'd been a bad boy.

Now, he knows that it is sneaking out at midnight and getting lost in a forest while looking for the toy

your younger brother dropped, and falling into a hole so deep and breaking an arm and a leg and not being able to climb back out. It is being so traumatised you lose your memory, and you come back, finally, but never the same again.

It becomes harder to smile, harder to laugh,

little things scare you, and you lash out faster than your mind can think, out of fear — kicking, punching, biting. A boy in your class broke his jaw because of you.

You think you've reached a different kind of hell when your parents are screaming and crying while hitting you,

all at the same time, trying to make you stop, begging for 'Ajax' to come back, but then they send you to a facility that's always deathly silent and freezing cold. It reminds you of the hole in the forest and you hate it. You hate everyone in there, because they tie you up

and starve you and hurt you so much you keep crying and forget a lot of it. You are so angry and frightened, you try to strangle your doctor just to make him stop.

And he does stop, and they throw you out. But they don't let you go home, even though you beg to see

your siblings. Instead, they send you to strangers' homes. A lot of strangers' homes. Some are indifferent, some try to starve you, some hit you — but by now you know how to hit back — hard. They force you to go to school, where you learn, first-hand, how cruel the world can be.

They call you a demon, the devil, a monster, troublemaker, bastard, a whore, parasite, fool, a mistake, a failure, and tell you that you should just disappear. You think about that, and you take a blade to yourself sometimes when you cannot bear it.

You try to stop feeling.

- - - - - - -

When Ajax turned twenty-one, an elderly Snezhnayan couple with no children took him in. They showered him with all the love they had even though he no longer knew how to receive it, sent him to university, and even encouraged him to join an exchange programme,

believing that a new environment would be good for him.

For a year, he attends a university in Liyue, and it turns out to be the single happiest year in his life. He likes Liyue because it is warm most of the time, the food is delicious, and the people leave him alone.

He doesn't care what they say behind his back — as long as they leave him alone.

And then, there is his history professor.

He doesn't really know what it means to like someone, but when he is staring at the tall, handsome, brilliant, and perfect Zhongli all the time,

when he is spending hours on Zhongli's assignments, reading every book and watching every film and visiting every museum that Zhongli recommends, when he is thinking about Zhongli on the way to school and on the way back, when he is always in a good state of mind

sitting at the back of Zhongli's lecture hall, when he feels so safe there like he's never felt anywhere in years, when his heart skips beats when Zhongli speaks to him normally, like he would any other student unlike his other lecturers, when he reads the little helpful notes

and short praises Zhongli leaves on his essays and replays them in his head again and again, in Zhongli's deep voice, when his heart twists uneasily at the sight of Zhongli smiling while talking animatedly to a female colleague —

he thinks, this is what it must be like.

You fall in love with someone who is better than you, and you try your best to reach them. It doesn't matter that they won't know.

- - - - -

The twins, Aether and Lumine, have had their fair share of misfortune and hate social pretenses, and so their friendship begins easily.

“Come back to Liyue after you graduate, Childe,” Aether says. The twins like to call him ‘Childe’. He doesn’t mind it. In his head, ‘Ajax’ is a terrible existence.

“Yes, Childe,” Lumine says tonelessly, “You don’t even like the cold.”

“What would I even do ?” Ajax frowns.

He is busy reading a book for Zhongli’s next class.

“We’ll figure it out together,” Aether says with a wide smile. “Lumine and I have a plan. We’ll employ you!”

Jokes aside, he does want to stay in Liyue. Forever, if he can. It is a silly thought, but he is free to daydream.

To imagine going to graduate school here, having Zhongli as his supervisor —

Even in his daydreams, he knows that there is nothing between them. He is just happy, safe, being around Zhongli and listening to him lecture. He wishes it could be like this forever.

- - -

Ajax never knew a year could go back so quickly, but soon it is time for him to return to Snezhnaya. The twins throw him a small party, and make him pinky-swear to come back and see them again someday.

He tells himself that he will probably never be able to return to this city,

and musters all of his courage to speak to Zhongli on the last day of class.

Zhongli is wiping the blackboard, looking divine and intellectual in his grey shirt and thin-frame glasses.

Ajax tries not to fidget, clears his throat, and says, “Sir... Professor Zhongli, uhm...”

“Ajax.”

Zhongli puts down the duster, and smiles at him. Ajax can’t help notice that there is something nicer, more genuine about it than usual, but he’s far from being an expert.

“I - I’m going back to Snezhnaya,” Ajax blurts out in a torrent of stuttering words, "Tomorrow.

"Thank you... thank you for your tutelage. I really — truly enjoyed all of your classes. I will never forget them. I’m so glad I decided to come to Liyue.”

Zhongli is silent, motionless, for several long seconds, and Ajax fidgets, hoping he wasn’t too overbearing.

When Zhongli still doesn’t say anything, Ajax can’t help but fill the silence.

“— I just wanted to say thank you. …and goodbye. That’s it, it’s nothing serious. Hope you have a great weekend —”

“Oh, Ajax — no, it’s not like that,” Zhongli interrupts, coming out of his stupor.

“I was just surprised. I cannot believe it has been a year since you joined us.”

He looks — almost sad.

“You have been an excellent student. I was very happy to have you in my class.”

He holds out a hand, and Ajax wipes his palm on his shirt discreetly before taking it.

His own hand is ugly and coarse in comparison.

“Please take care of yourself, Ajax.”

His heart has never hurt like this before.

- - - - - -

Like his distant childhood memories, Ajax keeps his time in Liyue close to his heart.

He returns to Snezhnaya, and after a few years,

graduates from university, and decides to do his best to get a decent job to repay his foster parents' kindness.

But Snezhnayan winters are cruel and they were elderly with conditions, and before Ajax can do something — anything for them, they are gone, and Ajax is alone again.

In her bed on the night she died, his foster mother said, “You have to take care of yourself, Ajax. You have to, okay?”

- - -

The funeral is a lonely affair. He returns to an empty home, and doesn’t quite know what to do with himself. His head is a spinning, reeling mess,

and it feels like his scars are on fire.

He doesn’t know why, he doesn’t know what he was expecting, but he sends a message to the chat with Aether and Lumine.

𝘔𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘥.

- - -

𝘈𝘌𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘙: 𝘊𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘓𝘪𝘺𝘶𝘦. 𝘚𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘥𝘦𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦!

𝘓𝘜𝘔𝘐𝘕𝘌: 𝘌𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘦.

- - -

Ajax starts working at Aether and Lumine’s newly-opened coffee shop, Starfell Coffee, renovated

out of an old shophouse on Chihu Rock.

He is relieved that the twins don’t treat him any differently. They make jokes and force-feed him three times a day, and thoroughly enjoy treating him like an employee. He stays in the kitchen helping Aether, cleaning and learning to

make coffee and bake cookies, muffins and cakes.

- - -

Zhongli visits Starfell Coffee for the first time, early in the morning on a rainy day. He always gets his coffee at the university cafe, but a few days ago he ran into his old students, Lumine and Aether, and they told him

all about their new endeavour. He remembers all of his students, and he always had a soft spot for the clever, sharp-tongued twins.

He walks in, and his heart stops when he sees Ajax — because how could he not recognise Ajax — attempting to steam milk under Aether’s guidance

with the espresso machine, his face taut with concentration. He looks a little older, skinnier, maybe a bit tired, but otherwise 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 — Zhongli realises that this discovery makes his heart is so much lighter.

“Professor Zhongli!” Lumine exclaims.

Aether all but runs over to their professor, but Ajax stays where he is, frozen.

“You came!” Aether says.

“Of course I did,” Zhongli says. “Your wonderful new coffee shop is a five-minute walk from my house.”

“Then you’re our first regular,” Aether says happily.

“Oh — do you remember Childe — I mean, Ajax? He took your classes for a year while on. Ajax, what are you hiding for? Come and say hello! You know you want to.”

Ajax emerges awkwardly from behind the counter. His shirt sleeves are rolled up to his elbows,

revealing pale skin, lean muscle, and lots of scarring, some self-inflicted. But they are old wounds, ridged and white.

“Professor Zhongli,” Ajax mumbles, looking down. He notices his sleeves then, and self-consciously tugs them back down. “I-it’s good to see you again.”

“Likewise,” Zhongli says. But Ajax refuses to meet his eyes, and mumbles something about having to check some beans before disappearing into the backroom.

“Don’t mind him,” Lumine says. “He’s just nervous."

Aether adds, “Ajax loved your classes. He was always in the library

researching stuff even though he couldn’t read Liyuen.”

“I know,” Zhongli says, “please excuse me for a moment.”

- - -

Zhongli has lived all his life with singular purpose — to preserve Liyue’s history. He is protecting knowledge and discovering new facts all the time,

and for the most part of his life, this has satisfied him. Students and colleagues come and go, but he accepts that as part of the path he has chosen.

He’s never had regrets until Ajax came along. He wishes he could have done more.

Not that Ajax asked for his help. No — Ajax is strong enough. He’s kind and thoughtful and hardworking, and he chose to isolate himself over aggression.

It has taken several years of thinking, but Zhongli decides that he just wants to stay by Ajax’s side.

He wants Ajax to know that he’s there, and it doesn’t matter what might have happened.

He just wants Ajax to be okay.

This time, he is one who speaks to Ajax. When he calls his name, Ajax spins around so quickly he knocks his head into the low ceiling light with a yelp.

“Are you all right?” Zhongli exclaims, walking over, and feeling Ajax’s temples for a bruise.

“I… I-I-I’m okay!”

For some reason, Ajax’s cheeks are very red. “Wh-what — did you need something?”

Zhongli brushes the dust off the younger man’s shoulder, and then looks up at him with a warm smile.

“It’s nothing much. I simply wanted to invite you to lunch. Or dinner — whenever is convenient for you.”

Ajax stares at him, his eyes very wide.

"“And afterwards,

perhaps we could visit the museum together. Do you remember the story of Street Rambler? The Cleansing Bell is on display; I thought maybe you’d like to see it.”

Ajax is still speechless, but he manages to nod his head several times rapidly. His ocean-blue eyes are swimming.

Flustered and nervous, he looks younger, less weary.

Zhongli smiles widely. “I will come by again after class. We should discuss our weekend plans then. Have a good day, Ajax. Take care.”

- - -

It is some time later when Ajax finally comes to his senses and manages to reply,

"Take care ... "

"Doofus, he's gone," Lumine says from the doorway. There is an evil smirk on her face. "Nonetheless, enjoy your date!"

(end)

some parts of this story has been on my mind for months and decided to just rip off the bandaid
sorry it got so long!! thank you to everyone who made it to the end 😢

i feel that realistically, childe's feelings towards zl are romantic while zl is just really fond of childe for now, but it's a proper start and neither of them have really had their chance before so it's a positive notes ending