So at 29yrs of sobriety my wife died of cancer. I became her care giver for the last year of her life. We met and married in AA. It wasn't always the best relationship but we hung in. A week before she died she woke up from a sound sleep and said "Please don't drink when I die"
She died at home. I was holding her hands and praying. I whispered to her it's ok you've fought enough. She died 15 minutes later. I hadn't been to an AA meeting in years, the next day before she was even buried I was at a meeting . I was raw ,angry,and hurting. AA and it's peo
People
Were there for me. I got a new sponsor, I started working with new comers again. I still hurt. I put a plaque in my bathroom that simply said "Live". One day i flipped it over. I knew i couldn't anymore. I picked out a gun, loaded it and set it on my bed. I rode my Harley to
A meeting. I left mid way through. A gal with 3 months of sobriety ran out and jumped in front of me as I started rolling out. She asked if I was ok. I couldn't even talk, I just shook my head. She asked if I was going to hurt myself, I nodded.
She said to me a favor. Pray and meditate for the next 24 hours without ceasing. If you feel the same you have my blessing. Know that I love you and care.
I rode long and hard that night. I did as she asked. At some point I asked God that if I were to live that he would help
To live the best life possible. Suddenly it felt like some black darkness was pulled out of me. It was a physical feeling. I now have 42yrs. I'm living the best life ever. I still have the plaque. 
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