#Yanshen
Yan Wushi woke up.
The candle he had left on from last night’s reading was long extinguished. A pile of dried wax overflowed on his desk.
He focused on the sound of the birds chirping and the wind blowing outside.
He should get up. He should bathe, get dressed, and
Yan Wushi woke up.
The candle he had left on from last night’s reading was long extinguished. A pile of dried wax overflowed on his desk.
He focused on the sound of the birds chirping and the wind blowing outside.
He should get up. He should bathe, get dressed, and
greet the day. But he stayed in bed for a little more than he needed, not enough to cause others to worry, but just enough so that he had time to convince himself to get up. The spot beside him was cold.
The manor was quiet. No disciples. No surprise visitor. No one but his
The manor was quiet. No disciples. No surprise visitor. No one but his
husband. A blessing.
Down the hall, Shen Qiao walked in his direction, a pile of scrolls held against his chest.
“Good morning, Yan-zongzhu” Shen Qiao greeted warmly as he always did.
And Yan Wushi smiled, as he always did, and took the scrolls off of Shen Qiao’s hands. They
Down the hall, Shen Qiao walked in his direction, a pile of scrolls held against his chest.
“Good morning, Yan-zongzhu” Shen Qiao greeted warmly as he always did.
And Yan Wushi smiled, as he always did, and took the scrolls off of Shen Qiao’s hands. They
walked to the courtyard together, silently deciding working outside in fresh air and a slight breeze was better than working in a stuffy room.
The day passed in a haze for Yan Wushi. He ate, trained, spoke of politics, drank tea with his beloved, bathed, and went to bed.
The day passed in a haze for Yan Wushi. He ate, trained, spoke of politics, drank tea with his beloved, bathed, and went to bed.
He didn’t sleep.
He didn’t want to sleep.
At least Shen Qiao got some sleep.
-
The next morning, he stayed in bed a little longer.
Shen Qiao asked if he was okay and Yan Wushi was quick to reassure him that he was fine, merely tired. Old age was catching up to him it seemed
He didn’t want to sleep.
At least Shen Qiao got some sleep.
-
The next morning, he stayed in bed a little longer.
Shen Qiao asked if he was okay and Yan Wushi was quick to reassure him that he was fine, merely tired. Old age was catching up to him it seemed
“You are not so old,” Shen Qiao says despite Yan Wushi nearing his sixties. “Perhaps it is time you slow down on the wine.”
Yan Wushi only smiled and kissed the top of his beloved’s head. Shen Qiao did not react as he normally would (a fond smile and gentle gaze) he kept staring
Yan Wushi only smiled and kissed the top of his beloved’s head. Shen Qiao did not react as he normally would (a fond smile and gentle gaze) he kept staring
with concerned brown eyes.
And so the day trudged on.
-
Yan Wushi found it harder to find the motivation for most things, but he managed.
One night, he saw no point in joining for dinner since he did not feel like eating so he apologized to Shen Qiao and retired to their
And so the day trudged on.
-
Yan Wushi found it harder to find the motivation for most things, but he managed.
One night, he saw no point in joining for dinner since he did not feel like eating so he apologized to Shen Qiao and retired to their
room early.
Late at night, the door opened and in walked Shen Qiao with a plate of food and a warm cup of tea.
“Please eat,” Shen Qiao silently begs, concern in his eyes that had not yet taken its leave.
Yan Wushi eats it slowly.
But he couldn’t sleep.
-
“We’ve been seeing
Late at night, the door opened and in walked Shen Qiao with a plate of food and a warm cup of tea.
“Please eat,” Shen Qiao silently begs, concern in his eyes that had not yet taken its leave.
Yan Wushi eats it slowly.
But he couldn’t sleep.
-
“We’ve been seeing
less and less of you, Shizun.” Bian Yanmei is worried and Yan Wushi wants to tease him for caring for his old master but the most he can offer is a soft scoff and a request to retrieve some scrolls.
He forgets to eat. He simply does not feel hungry.
Shen Qiao still brings him
He forgets to eat. He simply does not feel hungry.
Shen Qiao still brings him
food. He eats it slowly.
-
He’s doing better. He is back to eating. He sleeps. Maybe it was a short episode. A side effect from the incident with his split personalities? At least, that is what Shen Qiao thinks. Yan Wushi does not care.
Shen Qiao is there for him.
Yan Wushi
-
He’s doing better. He is back to eating. He sleeps. Maybe it was a short episode. A side effect from the incident with his split personalities? At least, that is what Shen Qiao thinks. Yan Wushi does not care.
Shen Qiao is there for him.
Yan Wushi
appreciates him.
He really does.
-
He’s careless.
He thinks that isn’t so bad. He is getting older. He isn’t sure just how much time he has left anymore.
-
“Yan-zongzhu, I’m worried about you.”
“I’m sorry, A-Qiao. I don’t mean to worry you.”
-
Yan Wushi feels himself
He really does.
-
He’s careless.
He thinks that isn’t so bad. He is getting older. He isn’t sure just how much time he has left anymore.
-
“Yan-zongzhu, I’m worried about you.”
“I’m sorry, A-Qiao. I don’t mean to worry you.”
-
Yan Wushi feels himself
falling deeper into this slump.
He’s having trouble getting out. He’s having trouble coming back to reality.
Shen Qiao is always there to lend a hand. Shen Qiao anchors him.
-
It’s dark.
He can’t sleep.
-
A year has passed. Has it been that long?
Shen Qiao is still here.
He’s having trouble getting out. He’s having trouble coming back to reality.
Shen Qiao is always there to lend a hand. Shen Qiao anchors him.
-
It’s dark.
He can’t sleep.
-
A year has passed. Has it been that long?
Shen Qiao is still here.
He is always here.
-
Yan Wushi wakes up.
He eats.
He thinks.
He worries.
Shen Qiao is still here.
-
He wakes.
They fight.
-
He wakes.
He apologizes.
Shen Qiao is there.
-
He wakes
Shen Qiao is still there.
-
And he wakes.
Shen Qiao is with him. Shen Qiao loves
-
Yan Wushi wakes up.
He eats.
He thinks.
He worries.
Shen Qiao is still here.
-
He wakes.
They fight.
-
He wakes.
He apologizes.
Shen Qiao is there.
-
He wakes
Shen Qiao is still there.
-
And he wakes.
Shen Qiao is with him. Shen Qiao loves
him still.
-
And he wakes.
And wakes.
-
He can’t do this anymore.
But Shen Qiao is still there.
In a moment of weakness, he wishes he weren’t so he could go peacefully.
But he is still here.
-
He…
“Good night, Yan Lang.”
Shen Qiao still smiles at him after all this
-
And he wakes.
And wakes.
-
He can’t do this anymore.
But Shen Qiao is still there.
In a moment of weakness, he wishes he weren’t so he could go peacefully.
But he is still here.
-
He…
“Good night, Yan Lang.”
Shen Qiao still smiles at him after all this
time.
He wakes to the sound of someone knocking at his door. Shen Qiao is not beside him. His side of the bed has gone cold. Too cold.
When he opens the door, it is Yu Shengyan.
He’s on the verge of tears.
“What happened?” Yan Wushi asks.
Yan Wushi is suddenly embraced.
He wakes to the sound of someone knocking at his door. Shen Qiao is not beside him. His side of the bed has gone cold. Too cold.
When he opens the door, it is Yu Shengyan.
He’s on the verge of tears.
“What happened?” Yan Wushi asks.
Yan Wushi is suddenly embraced.
The hug is desperate and unfamiliar. Yu Shengyan has never hugged him before. Why now?
“Shen Qiao...” But Yu Shengyan never finishes.
Yan Wushi blinks. Registering the unspoken. The world is silent around him.
He’s numb.
He can’t move.
He doesn’t register the tears on his
“Shen Qiao...” But Yu Shengyan never finishes.
Yan Wushi blinks. Registering the unspoken. The world is silent around him.
He’s numb.
He can’t move.
He doesn’t register the tears on his
face until Bian Yanmei appears, his expression pained.
Yan Wushi has gotten soft in his old age. He would have never allowed his disciples to see him this way. He would have never cried…
He can’t move.
He doesn’t want to move.
-
He can’t sleep.
-
It never occurred to him
Yan Wushi has gotten soft in his old age. He would have never allowed his disciples to see him this way. He would have never cried…
He can’t move.
He doesn’t want to move.
-
He can’t sleep.
-
It never occurred to him
that Shen Qiao could leave before him.
• • •
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