Akaashi's hand rolls with the wind as they drive. Bokuto's behind the wheel and there's an electric song on the radio. Akaashi kinda wishes they could play it on repeat. He wishes this could never end.
It was Bokuto's idea. To drive out+
to the coast. Akaashi's been upset and stressed about school now for a while, his finale year building on top of him. His shoulders have been heavy.
Akaashi watches the dim blue of the sky as the sun sets. There's no bright color sky, only a shadow of clouds and the mist of the +
ocean. He hasn't been here in years, the last time he was at the beach was a family vacation when he was younger. Either that or his middle school trip. It's crazy to think he didn't know Bokuto back then, and now... now he's dating him. It's actually been month since they +
started dating, but Bokuto's been gone for most of it, away at university. He's only visited a couple times, twice actually, and one of the times he couldn't see Akaashi. So Akaashi's been patient. He's been achingly patient.
Akaashi sighs, and leans back in his seat. Bokuto +
glances at him.
"Everything okay?" He has his hand on his thigh, something that makes Akaashi's stomach flutter every time he looks at it.
"Yeah, it just feels nice, driving like this." He looks down the empty road, expanding infinitely before them, lining the coast, with ocean +
hugging its curve.
Akaashi reaches down. Entwines his fingers with Bokuto's and rolls up the window. The music pushes on his ears, now unable to escape the car.
"Well we'll be there in a few minutes, and then we can get out if you want."
Akaashi looks at him. His thoughts+
swirl in his head. /Or we could stay in the car, and you can kiss me until my lips are numb./ He wants to say it, wants to do it now, even if it means monumental embarrassment. But he doesn't, Akaashi just smiles and nods and lets his head fall back against the headrest. +
Bokuto's never kissed him. They haven't done anything but hold hands since they got together. Because Bokuto is too nice to do anything without Akaashi's explicit permission, and knowing him, he probably believes Akaashi wants to take it slow. And Akaashi, well he just doesn't +
know how to ask for things yet. That and they haven't had almost any time together since Bokuto confessed on the last night of summer, and then left.
Bokuto pulls into a small lot, no other cars parked by the entrance to the beach. A new song comes on the radio and Akaashi wants+
to listen to it. He parks the car, but doesn't take out the key. Bokuto leans back in his seat and looks at Akaashi, squeezing his hand.
"Do you want to get out?" he asks, and Akaashi holds his breath. All he has to say is no, it's so simple, to ask for what he wants. So why is +
it so hard? He lets the breath go and shakes his head. He's so tired of not getting what he wants.
"Do you feel any less stressed?" Bokuto tries to smile, turning more to face Akaashi. He tries so hard to be helpful, always calling, sending texts, staying up late with Akaashi +
when he studies.
"A little bit," Akaashi whispers and reaches for the volume, turning the song louder.
Akaashi shifts his seat back, laying it down all the way and stares up through the sunroof. Bokuto copies him and they sit without talking as the music plays. +
Bokuto's hand is warm, and Akaashi's heart races and shivers as he holds it. His hand doesn't feel small in Bokuto's, but Bokuto's feels large around his. It's a strange paradox, one Akaashi could think about for hours. Bokuto is something he could think about for hours. +
The song changes.
"I love this song," Bokuto says and Akaashi looks at him, abandoning the still dimly lit clouds above them. Bokuto is smiling, his eyes closed and his head nodding to the gentle low beat of the song.
He wants him, Akaashi can feel it so deep in his bones it +
hurts. He wants him, he wants to touch him, and feel warm in his arms. He wants the simple things and the strong things, the things he's scared of and the dangerous panic inducing burning feelings he knows Bokuto will give him. He wants everything.
Akaashi swallows and fights +
the panic and paralyzed feeling in his heart. He sucks in a breath and sits up.
Bokuto opens his eyes, and then they widen. Akaashi gets on his knees, and climbs over the middle console, straddling Bokuto's hips. He lets go of Bokuto's hand and plants both of his on the back +
seat behind Bokuto's head. He looms over him and tries to be stoic, tries not to let how nervous his heart feels express on his face. But he doesn't think he's doing a good job.
Bokuto looks at him with wide eyes, and doesn't touch him.
"Keiji?"
Akaashi's words are stuck in +
his throat. He tries not to stutter through them.
"I want to ask for something." Bokuto gulps and blinks and Akaashi holds his breath. Bokuto nods. "Please, please kiss me."
Bokuto's breath shakes and Akaashi can see how he hesitates on his face. His heart fumbles in his chest+
and Akaashi questions if he's done something wrong. Maybe he was wrong, maybe Bokuto wasn't just being nice. He starts to move away.
"Sorry, maybe I shouldn't have—"
"No." Bokuto grabs the nape of Akaashi's neck, pulling him down and desperately colliding their lips. Akaashi's+
surprise comes out as a muffled moan. He's frozen for a second, and then every nerve comes alive and he's suddenly drunk. His heart races so hard it makes him out of breath, his body suffocating on Bokuto's kiss. He moves his lips and Bokuto's other hand comes up to pull on +
Akaashi's hip. The song plays still in the background, the one Bokuto loves.
It's drunk and a little sloppy, and Akaashi lets it happen. His entire body feels buzzed on Bokuto's touch, his head dizzying and foggy and slow. He feels weak as his chest flutters and his body from +
top to toe burns.
Bokuto pulls away and they try to catch their breaths.
"Sorry, I got nervous," Bokuto whispers, and Akaashi can feel his breath on his lips. It's warm.
"It's okay."
Akaashi doesn't want to talk, he wants to kiss him again. So he does, he holds Bokuto's cheeks +
and kisses him like he's trying to breath with the same lungs. He moves his lips and lets Bokuto's tongue invade him, and he lets himself drink every drop of Bokuto he can. And when the car becomes dark, Bokuto turns on the overhead light, and Akaashi takes off his shirt.
Akaashi is notoriously afraid of planes. The shaking and trembling of his seat sends shock waves through him that make his heart thunder louder than any worldly collapse.
He grips into the arm rests, knuckles turning white. He holds his breath.+
And the only thought that races through his head is the sound of his laugh. He's stuck in his head and it's the only thing keeping the tears from perching on his lashes.
The plane shutters and bounces and Akaashi gasps, and almost whispers his name.
He's always loved his smile+
, the way it shines every time, even when talking about something dumb. It's the only thing that feels good when he's numb.
"Bokuto-san," Akaashi whispers, and his nails dig into the plastic. His heart races into his throat and Akaashi wants to sob. He wants to sob out of regret+
Akaashi has nightmares. Bokuto knows this, but even still it surprises him when he feels him move in the bed.
He'll start gasping, and Bokuto will turn over, trying to wake him. He'll put a hand to his shoulder and squeeze, sometimes to his hip, +
sometimes to his cheek. But will always reach for him knowing that when his eyes open he'll be searching for his hand.
"Keiji," Bokuto whispers, sitting up in their bed, half naked in the dark leaning over his husband. "Keiji wake up."
Akaashi's hand clutches into the pillow+
case, eyes squeezed shut and tears dripping from his lashes. His mouth is open, but no air is choked through his lungs. He's silent in his suffering.
Bokuto lays down. Sometimes it's no use, he can't wake him and he's forced to wait. Bokuto can't ever sleep when this happens. +
Bokuto is obsessed with kissing Akaashi. There's nothing he wouldn't give to kiss him. He could do it all day if Akaashi would only let him.
He's obsessed with the perfect curve of his cupids bow, the soft plush of his bottom lip, and how when they're kissing +
he can feel how warm they are, and how red they get after.
He really could kiss him all day, but above all Bokuto's favorite time to kiss Akaashi is really late at night.
Akaashi's entire face will take on a lazy, happy, daze after working. As he gets up from his desk and +
comes to the couch to sit, and curl into Bokuto lap, Bokuto will be overcome with the need to kiss him.
"Can you sit up?" He'll ask and Akaashi will groan asking why before he does.
Then gently and quietly Bokuto will say, "Because I want to kiss you." Before leaning in. +