Thread by @CatRobotMusic

I usually like to keep this page 100% devoted to my music, but in honor of #DetransitionAwarenessDay, and the fact that my personal experiences have shaped my art, I'm going to share today that I am a detransitioned woman. 🧵

I struggled with dysphoria and not feeling at home in my body since I was 5 years old. A lot of it had to do with me being a sensitive, eccentric child who was bullied a lot (I now know that I am probably undiagnosed autistic.)

At 13, I found out about transgenderism from a site online. From that point on, I started believing that my mental health issues were caused by my being born in the wrong body. I came out to my parents, but they didn't affirm me & were afraid for me to undergo medical changes.

Although a gender therapist suggested I start testosterone at 17, I decided not to, because I loved singing so much and knew testosterone would change my voice. I spent the next 10+ years bouncing back and forth between wanting to transition and hiding my gender dysphoria.

Gender identity was celebrated at my university, and in my 20s I reconsidered transition. At 28, I was in a dark place and thought transitioning was my only chance at having a happy life. I obtained testosterone very easily from Planned Parenthood and started injecting it.

I've always been very sensitive to drugs/medications, and although I initially felt euphoric and affirmed in my gender identity, I started suffering from side effects quickly. I had fluid buildup in my body, gained 20 lbs of fat, had constant nausea and heart palpitations...

...but the worst part for me was when I opened my mouth to sing and no sound came out. My voice had also become heavy and raspy, to the point where it hurt to speak, especially talking for a long time or at a high volume. It hurt to laugh.

I thought, "what have I done to myself?" As I started to become more physically masculine, I only saw a future of more irreversible and risky changes and began to acknowledge that I would never be a biological man.

I realized that my singing voice and healthy body had been beautiful gifts that I was ready to throw in the trash because I didn't like the way I looked. At that point, I decided to go off testosterone in hopes to salvage what was left of my singing voice and recover my health.

At first, I was extremely discouraged because it was so painful to vocalize. My voice was cracking incessantly, and strangers looked at me funny when I spoke. But after years of gently retraining my voice, I am able to sing again. I still have pain after heavy voice use.

I also had surgery and a legal name change planned. I thank my lucky stars I cancelled both of those after my experience with testosterone. Today, I accept that I am a woman, in the sense that this body is my vehicle. I want to keep it healthy and thriving for as long as I can.

I've written a song about my experience called "I Am Stardust". It would mean a lot to me if you could please listen and share it, as it contains a positive message for those suffering from gender dysphoria that self-acceptance and even self love is possible. Thank you💖

I just re-released the original mix, which was also featured in the documentary The Detransition Diaries by @JenniferLahl:

I also created 3 remixes! They all have their own vibe and show a different side of me as an artist. Pulsar Remix:

Nebula Remix:

Blue Planet (acoustic) Remix:

I want to sincerely thank everyone who has supported my journey and my art since I came out as a detransitioner. Although the backlash has been rough, I've realized just how many caring people are out there who support me through thick and thin. I love you!

All my music is also available for purchase and download on my new website, catrobotmusic.com !

#iamdetrans 🦎