Thread by @ClairElle__4

🧵TW suicide attempt

I wanted to share this yesterday for #LongCovidAwarenessDay, I was too ashamed. However, the vulnerability and strength of those who have shared their stories has led me to open up on this so it's no longer in my head and the guilt of it all

By October of last year I was doing a bit better physically but my mental health was plummeting. I had lost a great deal of weight because I could hardly eat and drink. I couldn't work, I couldn't see loved ones or leave my home. My world was crumbling from the trauma of it all

In October I also spent time back home with my sister. Unfortunately the night before I left she caught COVID again. The thought I may catch it again mentally sent my body into a complete breakdown.

I did not catch COVID again however that day when I found out she got sick. I tried to take my own life. I don't even remember doing this and had only realised after I had done it and contacted someone to say what had happened.

I am not sure I'm thankful to still be here, but I am. This attempt brought on a number of neurological COVID symptoms and now I continue to worsen. Every day I blame myself for breaking down and what I had done. I feel I will never recover and it's my fault.

This was me shortly after that breakdown. I'm now more mentally broken as I lay in bed dreaming of what it would have been like if I didn't do that. The blame never leaves me and I'm ashamed of it all. I tried to be careful. No working no excerise, but it didn't matter.

Since then I have struggled with more self harm relapses. I'm grateful I have my sister who continues to look after me every single day. She's my light through all of this.

I recognise also I mentioned to some of my long COVID friends that I just 'woke up one day and was dizzy and had neuro issues' this wasn't true and I'm sorry I hid this from you. I understand we can all naturally worsen or get better over time. This just wasn't the case for me