Thread by @kewltie

#kdw3rdrun #ktdkweekly

Katsuki wakes up from his stricken nightmare to the sound of nineteen different breaths, all breathing in the same space. From the floor, he looks at the couch and that petrified fear comes roaring back when he finds Izuku gone. Nineteen minus one. Again.

He quickly casts his blanket aside and carefully steps around the sleeping body of his classmates littered all over the common room. Their legs and arms are thrown over each other, bodies clumsily slotting together like a human jigsaw puzzle. It's warm and homey. Disgustingly so.

"It's like one big sleepover," someone suggested earlier while Katsuki scowled, but nobody had care about his protest.

When Izuku had abruptly fallen asleep, they didn't have the heart to move him, so instead they camped out in the common room with their blankets and pillows.

Katsuki can't sleep with that many people around him. It makes him antsy, but he can see the concern reflected in their eyes and how that almost mirror his own—their urgent need for reassurance that Izuku is finally back and that they can anchor him in place with their presence.

Now, the fucking little shithead is gone again and that earlier panic is being sweep up with a renew burst of anger. He's always on the move, running and leaving Katsuki behind. It's infuriating.

Katsuki storms outside boarding house, his hands clenching tight at his side.

He'll find Izuku and drag his ass back. No matter how many fucking times it takes to drill it in Izuku's head that he can't just get up and leave whenever he wants, but just before Katsuki can make his point, in front of him he spots a familiar figure not far off in the distance.

Standing under the moonlit sky, Izuku's gossamer figure resembles a specter like something intangible and ghostly that haunts Katsuki's dream.

As though sensing his presence, Izuku turns to him. "Kacchan?" he says, offering up a shy and hesitant smile. "What are you doing here?"

"You—" The panic and fear that gripped him when he thought Izuku was gone clogs up his throat, swallowing the rest of his sentence.

"I was just getting some fresh air," Izuku explains, as though taking pity on him.

"At 3am?!" he demands.

Izuku's smile wanes. "Can't sleep."

"Earlier, you sure fell asleep fast though," he says dryly.

"The hard part is staying asleep," Izuku admits almost hesitantly, rubbing his forearm. An obvious nervous tic. He bites his lower lip, chewing on it as though considering his next words. "It's difficult to explain."

Katsuki snorts derisively. "Try me." He crosses his arms. "I'm not one of your dumb friends, who will coddle you and give you some stupid pep talk. Spit it the fuck out already."

Unfazed by the gruffness of Katsuki's words, Izuku lets out a laugh. It rings in Katsuki's ears.

"Well," he says, dropping his hand to his side now. "These days, I find myself waking up petrified and not always knowing the why behind it, but the fear stays. It lingers." He shrugs. "After that I have a tough time falling back to sleep, because I never know if it's safe."

He flashes another smile, but it doesn't look quite right. "But it's just all in my head. I'm working on it."

Katsuki stares at him. "So you can't stay asleep for long because you think you're not safe. You don't feel safe here." He pauses, then deathly cold he adds, "With us."

He bristles. "You don't think I can protect you." Izuku didn't have to outright say it, because he can fucking hear it loud and clear.

Izuku's eyes go wide, waving his hand in protest. "N-no, that's not what I meant!" He shakes his head. "It's not that I don't feel safe here."

"When I was out there all alone, no where I went was safe, but not for me. For others." He stares at the ground, fixated by something that Katsuki can't see. "I'm afraid that if I close my eyes for a second, I will lose everything, so I can't relax even within these walls."

He looks up at Katsuki, eyes so round and huge it nearly swallows his face. "Have you ever felt that way?"

Yes, and it's staring right at him now. Katsuki's fear lives in a boy with evergreen eyes. It wears his skin and etches his name across Katsuki's chest. Deku, it writes.

It wakes him up in cold sweats, dreaming of the day when Izuku had walked out on them. And Katsuki is left reliving that same day over and over that he can't sleep well knowing he might lose Izuku for a second time again.

"Yea," he breathes. "I feel it every fucking day."

He doesn't offer anything more than that, letting the silence stretch out in the space between them and Izuku, even in most of his braindead decisions, doesn't try to pry it out of him either. Not that Katsuki would have any answer for him if pushed.

It's inexplicable.

Somewhere between their countless fights with each other and against others, Izuku's existence within him has not only grown but thrive against all odds like a particularly annoying fungus that's impossible to eradicate. Over a decade of history and Katsuki still can't rid him.

Childhood friends. Rivals. And whatever the fuck this is now. Their entanglement with each other feels inevitable at this point in the ever-changing landscape of their relationship. Katsuki already has a hard time navigating it, so if he dare to give it a label he's fucking doom.

He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. He's not prepared for that cringe-worthy conversation.

"Kacchan, are you okay?" Izuku asks, brows furrowing confusion. "Should we go back in?"

Katsuki stretches his shoulder and rolls his neck. "Alright, let's spar," he says instead.

Anything to avoid any more emotional draining talk for the night. He already maxed out his socializing meter, so now it's time to talk with their fists.

Izuku jolts, taking a step back. "W-wait, right now?" He looks in apprehension around at the emptiness of the courtyard.

Katsuki grins with too many teeth. "Got to work out that energy somehow. C'mon, nerd."

Izuku hesitates. "We can't break anything."

Which is a fucking joke given how much rules Izuku had already broken since his enrollment at U.A. He rolls his eyes. "Fine, no quirks then."

He crooks a finger at Izuku. "What you say, hm?"

Izuku stares at the hand offered up to him. A beat, then a slow curve of his lips makes its way across his face. "Okay, Kacchan."

In that moment, the haggardness that has cling to him since they'd found him seems to shed away.

The dirt and grime can be wash off, but the trauma and horror of this war attached to Izuku like a second skin. This is the burden of the inheritor of One For All's legacy and Izuku wears it like an oversize, secondhand coat that he can't ever take off.

Katsuki hates it.

It's out of his control. He can't punch his way through this or fight the demons in Izuku's head for him. It's so aggravating.

Abruptly, he steps forward, grabs Izuku's wrist, and drags him to the nearest field. This he can do. Get Izuku out of his own head and fuck him up.

When their fist collide with each other and Katsuki can feel the familiar weight of Izuku against him, he fights back a smile that's threatening to break through. This time when they clash, there's no emotional baggage to weigh them down and every kick and punch feels unhindered.

The heaviness that has weighed him down earlier lessens with each blow they exchange till Katsuki has Izuku on his back thrice and his elbow to his throat thrice.

Izuku quickly taps out and Katsuki rolls to the other side of him, chest heaving as gravel digs into his back.

He's aching all over now, but it's a good kind of ache. After going four rounds right after one another, his body remembers what this feels like. He closes his eyes momentarily and inhales. Exhales. The cool, damp night air teases his cheeks and keeps him from being too heated.

"2-2," he says, finally catching his breath. "Let's make this next one count, nerd."

Silence.

Heart racing, Katsuki jerks up and looks over to see Izuku's body laying completely still except for the slow rise and fall of his chest as he softly snores.

"Fuck," he mumbles.

Katsuki purses his lip. "You're a headache," he says as he gets on his feet. He bends over and picks Izuku up with an arm under his legs and the other supporting his back.

Somehow like this, Izuku feels terrifyingly small and human in his arms, stripped of the mantle of savior.

Despite all that muscles on him, he's uncharacteristically light like if Katsuki crack him open right now he'll find that Izuku is all hallowed out. Empty. Drained.

Katsuki presses Izuku close to his chest as he carries him back to the dorm house, tightening his hold on him.

The common room remains as he had left it. Nobody else has awaken since he left chasing after Izuku. Again.

He carries Izuku's back to his place on the couch, setting him down. He stares at Izuku's sleeping figure and against his best judgement picks up the blanket on the side.

As he places the blanket over him, Izuku starts to stir, catching Katsuki's wrist in a firm grip. Izuku's eyes are foggy with sleep, but the pressure that squeezing down on his wrist is enough to leave bruises.

"You're at U.A.," Katsuki says quietly. "You're safe. I got you."

"Kacchan?" he murmurs, confused. His grip on Katsuki only tightens. "W-what?"

"Go back to sleep," he says, unfazed even as he can feel the grinding of his bones under the full force of Izuku's strength. "It's okay now."

Izuku blinks, slow and sluggish between sleep and awake.

Just when Katsuki thinks Izuku going to continue to fight him on this, he suddenly lets go and his eyes flutters shut as his breath finally evens out. He eases back to slumber as though nothing had happened, while Katsuki finds himself undone.

"Fuck," he says numbly. Humbly.

Instead of going back to his original spot on the floor, he drops into the seat next to Izuku, bumping into him until Izuku's head lands on his shoulder.

Katsuki holds his breath for that moment, but Izuku didn't wake up this time. He settles into place and presses them close.

He feels simultaneously tired and not tired. His body is sore, but his mind is racing with the closeness of Izuku's body against him and how terribly unguarded he had left himself to Katsuki's mercy, trusting in Katsuki's promise.

'I don't feel safe,' Izuku had said to him.

In spite of all the protection and familiarity that U.A. had offered him, Izuku still couldn't stay asleep longer than a few hours. His anxiety keeps him awake, insomnia becoming his strange bedfellow. It is also Katsuki, but his is rooted in the person slumbering next to him.

They're both got fucked over by their insomnia and yet here in this quiet space between them, Izuku had let himself slip under again and Katsuki can feel the tug of sleep once more.

He shuts his eyes wearily, allowing Izuku's familiar heartbeat lull him to a dreamless sleep.

end.

i had some gripe with hori about brushing izuku's mental health w the POWER OF FRIENDSHIP and thought about bkdk connecting over their share trauma and anxiety that lead to their respective insomnia; izuku fears of losing the ppl closest to him, katsuki fears losing izuku