Thread by @sophie_frm_mars

Some of you know I've been on the mend since escaping an abusive relationship in December. I've been talking to people and gathering my thoughts and I want to talk about it in the hopes of helping people. My ex, Laika Dallaway, is a serial rapist and abuser

When I met her, I hadn't been with another trans woman before. I was naive and easily manipulated, and I didn't know that the week before meeting me she had agreed with people in her support network to stop sleeping with/dating new people.

The reason that she agreed that, which she has agreed to then disregarded multiple times, is that she's been assaulting people for roughly a decade, as well as having a string of abusive relationships, constantly framing herself as getting better and having left her abuse behind

I couldn't put a number on how many people I think she's sexually assaulted, but at this point I don't know what number would surprise me. The last count I did was over 20 but I could believe it's actually much higher

When I met her some people tried to warn me gently, others were outright hostile towards me, which compounded the reality Laika was pushing on me, that she had made mistakes and that people were harassing her for them and making her recovery impossible.

When we first met she told me she had had "consent issues", then about two thirds of the way through our relationship she admitted to assaulting over a dozen people. Now having talked to others I know it's much more than that and she's a serial abuser as well.

With space to reflect on it I can see the ways that she lied to & manipulated me from day 1, and I can see ways that she manipulated me in the lead-up to doing some of the worst things that she did. she was planning to do them ahead of time and anticipating and removing obstacles

She violated my boundaries constantly, drained all my energy and ability to live my life, to work, to see friends, and she sexually & physically assaulted me. I'm not her first victim by a long way and I know that she's done all these things in some combination to other people

It stands out to me that she really wanted me to believe that I was helping her and that people telling other people about things she'd done was bad for her recovery. I can see now the best thing for everyone including her is for people to be informed. She can't change by hiding

It also stands out to me that she did some of the worst things to me while we were in another country together completely isolated from support. A mix of opportunism and premeditated abuse seems to characterise her whole history of hurting people

I'm not going into more details of what she did to me right now. I will say that I didn't tic before I met Laika and now I do several times a day, when my body suddenly tells me the assault is still happening. I will say I've woken up screaming in the middle of the night.

Throughout our relationship the two threats that she might kill herself or that she wouldn't recover and she would hurt more people if I weren't with her hung over me. I don't want her to hurt more people, and ultimately only she can stop that

Having talked to people and hearing abt her history in kink spaces, I'm glad that she was recognised as an abusive rapist & ejected from community. I've heard abt her trying to plan events with "room for mistakes" wrt consent, & I've heard so so many accounts from her victims now

I've also realised in talking to other people that she lied about all sorts of things from her life to make herself seem more like me, especially in ways where she was actually more experienced. She repeatedly lied to me that she'd started transition at the same time as me

She has a pattern of targeting early transition people, younger people and people inexperienced with (especially extreme) kink and then exploiting their inexperience. I personally don't think anyone under 23 should even talk to her

As many people who've experienced intimate partner violence will be familiar, I still struggle with the ways that I legitimately cared for her, and all I can say to that part of myself is that this is still a caring action, not just for people she might hurt but for her too.

When I was with her I thought I was giving her space to recover and do better away from the people she hurt. Instead she hurt me over and over for months and I can only conclude it's because she likes hurting people.

A lot of conversations I had about her when we were together, I now realise were treating everything she did like she was a force of nature and she couldn't be responsible because she needs help. She does need help. She is also the only person responsible for the harm she's done.

I'm saying all of this to inform and protect people she wants to hurt, not to direct harassment to her. With that said so that we're clear, I'm talking about @/laikainflowers, laika.dmg on instagram. I also know she has a discord server

I'm also as ever, so so so grateful to the many beautiful strong dykes in my life who are taking care of me now, who stood by when I needed help getting out of that situation and who I've met since and been in community with x I love you all x