Thread by @noturtlesoup17

Good morning from the Cleveland Park Library in DC, where Posobiec, Libs of TikTok, Kirk Cameron, and Sean Spicer will be doing a children’s story hour in about 15 minutes.

I count 15 children and one sullen teenager.

We are waiting on “a lot of people who are looking for a place to park” before we start.

Kids are being asked who their favorite founding father is. I am bad at guessing kids ages, but I feel like I didn’t have a favorite founding father when I was as tiny as these kids are?

Posobiec says his book is about ice cream, so he’s asking the kids what their favorite ice creams are. Far more normal question than fav founding father imo.

In Posobiec’s book, animals are being tempted to come to an island with the promise of free ice cream. Except the wolves “and communists” are the ones offering the free ice cream, and all the animals who show up for ice cream go to jail.

Kirk Cameron is about to read his book. Stay tuned.

There’s a capybara! But his book is mostly about a tree that is growing.

The wolves are taking over and trying to destroy the tree.

Now all the animals have come together to help fix the tree. Earlier Kirk said something to the effect of when you grow up you can become something bigger than yourself.

So come together as a community and help each other — but don’t give out any fucking free ice cream!!

Kirk is asking the kids if anything bad or sad has happened to them, and then bizarrely asked one girl what bad thing happened to her???

Now Kirk Cameron is telling the kids there would be more people here, but probably they were afraid of the nonexistent protesters.

After a long winded talk about faith and liberty etc as values, Kirk asks how many kids things we need to get back to these old values in America.

Chaya’s book is next. In this one, the teacher is secretly a wolf who tells his students to eat candy all the time. He promises his classroom is a “safe space” and says he won’t tell their parents — and that they shouldn’t either.

Here is Chaya reading her book.

Seeing some confusion — these books are all through the same publisher (and presumably the same ghostwriter), and exist in the same world.

Sean Spicer is up. His book is about smackball, this little universes version of baseball. Anyway, he’s asking the kids if they know what YouTube is.

Spicer is now talking about how he once dressed up as the Easter bunny.

This is incoherent.

Sean Spicer is saying that if someone is a good person and means well, let’s not jump to conclusions about them or be mean to them. Wow this is uncomfortably transparent.

Kirk Cameron is closing us out. He says we’re at a tipping point. We’re on the cusp of a revival, and we need to be off the defense and onto the offense.

Now he’s closing us out with a prayer.