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In his excellent book, _When Harry Became Sally_, Ryan Anderson recounts the story of a woman named "Crash," who started taking testosterone at 20 and detransitioned at 27. (1/)
What strikes me about her testimony is how clearly she realized that those who affirmed her in her desire to transition had harmed her, even though they were trying to be helpful and affirming. (2/)
“She [my doctor] hurt me, helped me hurt myself. That definitely wasn’t her intention but that’s still what happened. This contradiction is difficult to face and understand. She treated me like I wanted to be treated at the time. (3/)
“She was supporting me and helping me do what I was convinced was best for me and I appreciated that a lot. … And now when I look back I’m horrified and creeped out. (4/)
“There’s something disturbing about doing something you think is good for yourself but that turns out to be really self-destructive and it’s even worse when so many other people were helping you and making it easier for you to do it. (5/)
“It’s hard enough taking in how I managed to hurt myself when I was trying to find happiness and express my true self. How am I supposed to deal with how all these people in my life were trying to be helpful but were actually enabling? … (6/)
“I did trust my [healthcare] providers (as much as I can trust any medical professional) and they helped me destroy myself.…”
Then she turns to address her doctor directly: (7/)
Then she turns to address her doctor directly: (7/)
“You thought you were doing good but you were giving me tools to hurt myself. I thought I needed to come to you to get what I needed to be happy but I was wrong. We both had no idea what we were doing, what was really going on. (8/)
“Your good will didn’t end my suffering, it increased it. …
“Your kindness led to more scars, not less.”
This testimony illustrates a profound point: love is not unconditional affirmation. (9/)
“Your kindness led to more scars, not less.”
This testimony illustrates a profound point: love is not unconditional affirmation. (9/)
Even if someone believes she is pursuing her greatest self-fulfillment, it is not love to affirm her in her delighted self-destruction.
Love seeks the objective benefit of the beloved. And sometimes what is _good_ for someone is plain contrary to what they _want_. (10/)
Love seeks the objective benefit of the beloved. And sometimes what is _good_ for someone is plain contrary to what they _want_. (10/)
Let us be courageous enough to love well, even when it means crossing someone’s deeply felt desires. (11/11)
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