Part 3/3
Inspired by Umiko's last angst piece -

https://twitter.com/umikochannart/status/1647717216295567361

TW: Light angst
#soapghost #cod #mw2

(1/29)

https://twitter.com/silli___lilli/status/1649779432129699841

Soap sat on the ground, on a blanket, in the sun and cool air. Still on base, but far enough from the grouping of buildings that it was quiet. That he was out of sight or earshot of the other men.

He was thinking. (2/29)

He’d been doing a whole lot of thinking since that mission, to make up for the night that followed where he’d thought so little that he barely even remembered it.

Gaz, after getting Price safely in the hands of someone else, (3/29)

had immediately turned back for the two of them, finding the door Simon had been in search of when he fell. Price had gotten to safety and gotten what he needed, sending further aid behind Gaz. (4/29)

It was Sergeant Garrick that treated Ghost’s wound as best he could and got him into a heli for transport. Soap had been useless. They’d written it up to shock. He supposed it was, but not from the injuries he’d sustained during the hour of torture. (5/29)

They’d barely even started in on him.

The shock was from feeling the hope of leaving with Ghost, that they were both going to make it out, and having it ripped out from beneath him before he could do anything to stop it. (6/29)

The shock was from the immediate pool of blood beneath an already pale and shaky Simon as a close range bullet tore through him.

“Where’d you go, Sergeant?” Simon’s deep voice came from beside him.

Ghost knew exactly where Soap had gone. (7/29)

He couldn’t take that away from him, but he could remind the man that they were back. Safe.

Together.

“Sorry.” Soap mumbled, turning his head. His eyes didn’t make it to Simon’s face, they landed instead on his lower leg, (8/29)

exposed where his pants had slid up his leg as he sat.

They’d been through plenty before, more danger and carnage than a regular man could fathom. But it was the first time he’d been faced with Ghost’s death. He’d always assumed Ghost would be there, (9/29)

no matter what else happened. It was as natural as eating and sleeping, that where he went, Ghost would be there.

He’d hoped Simon had gotten the others out, but—

“Soap.” The word was demanding, but Soap could hear the pleading beneath it. (10/29)

Simon was watching him with eyes that looked nearly golden in the sunlight, quite a contrast to the dark depths they were all used to.

Soap reached out and touched the deep, new scar across Simon’s calf and shin and up toward his knee. (11/29)

His fingers were gentle as they slid across the smooth pink skin.

“You did this for me.” Soap said, looking back over his shoulder as Simon sat up from where he’d been leaning on his elbows.

“I did.” He said gently.

He couldn’t lie to Soap. (12/29)

Even if he told the others that he’d only been focused on the mission, he knew he was only focused on Soap. The mission wasn’t going to survive, not without Price and Gaz, and Simon wasn’t going to survive unless Soap was out of the hands of their enemies.

Soap turned, (13/29)

pushing Simon back down by his shoulder. He straddled his thighs, Simon looking up at him patiently. He raised the hem of Simon’s shirt, exposing another new scar in his side. He put his hand over it.

“You did this for me." (14/29)

Simon gripped him by his arm and pulled him down against his chest.

Things had been different between them. Simon had been in a hospital for weeks, he’d spent many more laid up, unable to walk on his broken leg and dealing with complications from the gsw. (15/29)

But he hadn’t wanted to go home. Soap had stuck beside him, not pitying, not smothering, just being. His was what felt like home to him. And on these quiet afternoons, Soap felt like home to him.

They’d gotten much closer, (16/29)

finding themselves glued at the hip without meaning to, always seeking each other subconsciously. If anyone else noticed, they dare not question it.

“I’d do it for any one of you.”

Soap lay his head on Simon’s shoulder. “Don’t you think we should talk about it?" (17/29)

Simon wrapped his hand around the back of Soap’s neck protectively. “What’s to talk about?”

“You almost died.” Soap hadn’t really said it out loud. He hadn’t wanted to admit that fact alone was enough to shake him. (18/29)

Ghost chuckled and Soap sunk further down against him to feel it. They were alone out there and he never felt he could get close enough.

“This isn’t the first time that’s been true, Johnny.”

Soap blinked, thinking it over. He knew that was true, (19/29)

and he knew it wouldn’t be the last time, either.

“Then why did it feel different?”

It was Simon’s turn to mull it over. It had felt different, from the second he saw Soap’s knees buckle beneath him from his scope, something clicked. His mission was Soap, (20/29)

but it was more than that. His heart was Soap.

Simon took a deep breath, pressing their chests together again. He let his fingers fidget with the short strands of Soap’s hair.
“When I saw them take you, I knew the whole world would end if I didn’t get you back. (21/29)

My life was a small cost for that.”

“The world wouldn’t end without me, Si.” Soap said, frowning.

He often worried Simon’s tendency toward self-sacrifice was a thinly veiled wish for his own death. (22/29)

The man didn’t answer for a long time so Soap pushed against his hand and turned his head to face him. He could see the muscles in his jaw work as he decided what to say out loud now and what to whisper wordlessly against Soap’s lips later, hoping he would understand. (23/29)

“I think mine would.”

Soap was careful. He understood the weight of the admission, and it made his heart race. He raised his right arm and laid it along the other side of Simon’s face.

Simon reached up and took it in his, (24/29)

holding it down against his neck and cutting Soap off to speak again.

“The world needs you more than it needs me. When Gaz told me he needed to move Price, I knew I was on my own and the only plan I had was to find you, and get you to safety.”

Soap nodded slightly. (25/29)

“The world needs us both, Simon. Without you, I can’t do my part.”

Simon just shifted to hold him tighter. He might try to downplay it, to act like it was just another difficult mission, just another life or death moment, (26/29)

but he couldn’t ignore the hope he’d felt when they both believed they’d walk out together and the absolute soul crushing devastation when, in the next second, it was taken.

Soap could do his part. He could go on. He was a kind, intelligent, (27/29)

and incredibly resilient man. It was his job to go on. It was hard for Simon to accept that he provided something to Soap that he felt would compromise that resolve.

“Well, you don’t have to now, okay? I’m here.”

“I keep having nightmares about it." (28/29)

Soap let his voice get quiet. He did a lot well, asking for help was not one of them.

Simon nodded. “We’ll have to make some new memories, then, alright? Let’s make some new things to dream of.”
(29/29)