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Do you know what this moment told me? It told me he knows that Callum loves him, and will support him if he falls apart or needs help, but, even in spite of that, he feels like he can't afford to fall apart/ask for help, because the risks of doing so are too great 😭 #Ballum
I think that makes it even more heartbreaking, that this isn't about him not trusting Callum to support him, it's about him feeling that he can't fall apart, he has to mask - that even though he knows Callum will be there for him, the risks from elsewhere are too high #Ballum
I mean, he allowed himself to admit he wasn't okay this week, and started to let himself fall apart, literally in Callum's arms, only for him to be immediately wrenched back to the reality of how dangerous not masking is (that he'll lose his little girl if he falls apart) #Ballum
The idea that Ben knows Callum will support him, is completely confident in how much Callum loves him and how absolutely he'd be there for him, but the wider world has made it impossible, too dangerous, for him to drop the mask and access that support - gah, it hurts 😭 #Ballum
And also speaks to a level of truth, in that it's so important to have that one person beside you, supporting you, having your back, but we don't live in a vacuum, and if the world makes it too dangerous for you not to mask, then that one person's support isn't enough #Ballum
He needs to know EVERYONE around him will have his back - he needs to feel safe and secure that he's allowed to not be okay and to fall apart - and whilst he doesn't have that (and he doesn't, they've all made themselves incredibly unsafe), the masking will continue #Ballum
The most painful fiction is painful because it hits on some sort of truth, and this hits that in a lot of places for me. It aches in my soul because it feels very real.
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