Thread by @patrickqmason

1/ A couple weeks ago I announced my participation in the new podcast “Mormon News Weekly” with @johndehlin and @janariess. Today I’m announcing that I’m stepping away from the show.

2/ When I posted my tweet about the show, I honestly expected a moderate response. I conceived of the project as being a modest affair--3 people sitting around and talking about the news. While of course we sought listeners, our intention was never to create a lot of drama.

3/ What we did seek was peace. Frustrated and overwhelmed by the polarization we see in almost every segment of our society, we wanted to experiment with something different.

4/ What it would look like for three people, with varying relationships to the LDS Church, to have a civil conversation about that week’s main LDS-related stories? We would naturally disagree, but we would do so with civility and generosity toward one another and our subjects.

5/ The sad fact is that many active Latter-day Saints and many post-/ex-Mormons have increasingly found themselves unable to talk with one another. Indeed, sometimes it seems we barely know one another. Empathy has too often been replaced with anger, communication with contempt.

6/ But whether we like it or not, whether in real or virtual spaces we’re neighbors—and often family members. What would it look like for neighbors who have been locked in a destructive cycle of mutual animosity to begin to reestablish a relationship?

7/ Maybe it would look like just talking with one another, even about inconsequential things like the news. As John & I formulated the idea for the show, we had in mind all the people who are starving for civil discourse and gratified whenever and wherever they can find it.

8/ So why stop? Why pull out after only two episodes (which we have since taken down from YouTube)? It’s because I now realize after a tough couple weeks that I had focused so much on the positive potential of the show that I hadn’t fully counted the cost—to myself and others.

9/ I was frankly surprised by the visceral reactions to my announcement. I was heartened by the many positive responses and took seriously the many constructive criticisms of the project; it was definitely a work-in-progress.

10/ But I was stunned by the mean-spirited accusations and characterizations peddled by self-appointed guardians of orthodoxy and by people so brave and confident of their convictions that they post under the guise of anonymity.

11/ So many people were quick to issue public condemnations rather than reach out to me privately, even though my e-mail address is easy to find.

Sticks and stones and all that…but it turns out that words do hurt, and often more people than just the intended target.

12/ Ultimately, however, I didn’t come to this decision because of my critics. I came to this decision because of my friends. People who know me, who trust me, who want my good, who shape me, who ask questions of me, who make me better.

13/ Those honest and private conversations, in the spirit of Matt. 18:15, led me to realize that more than a few people felt that when I turned to face Jana & especially John, I was turning my back on them. That in seeking to transform conflict I only exacerbated it.

14/ That’s not what I intended. It’s hard to be in the middle. I’m still learning how to build bridges between people who have been genuinely hurt and are so suspicious of the other side that seeing me engage (rather than fight) feels like betrayal or a loss of faith.

15/ Even after many years of heartfelt (and often heart-wrenching) conversations, I frankly underestimated the size of the divide between (some) Latter-day Saints and (some) post-/ex-Mormons and the ongoing pain that lives on both sides. It's fair to say I was a bit naive.

16/ I believe in making peace. With Pres. Nelson, I believe that peace-makers (not just peace-wishers) are badly needed today, and that members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have a special responsibility in this sphere.

17/ But peace-making is tricky, risky, taxing work. Sometimes it’s hard to know when is the right time or what is the right forum. It’s possible to have sincerely good intent and still say or do something that pains or confuses people.

18/ I won't give up on making peace. I hope you won't either. Find someone who’s different from you and engage in an ongoing conversation with civility and generosity. Seeing someone else’s humanity and then treating them with dignity is one of the best gifts you can give them.

19/ I have so much love for John and Jana, and total respect for the way they came to this project with sincerity and a genuine desire to model healthier conversations. I wish you could have all listened in on some of the private chats we had along the way.

20/ Jana and John have been incredibly gracious in response to my decision to step away. If they choose to continue the conversation (stay tuned for further developments), I’ll be cheering them on.

21/21 In the end, I apologize to anyone I've hurt, confused, or disappointed through either starting or stopping my involvement in this project. I'll keep trying to do and be better. In the meantime, let's all try our hardest to be good, kind, and generous to one another.