Thread by @DavidZabinsky

"The Shed at Dulwich" was ranked the top restaurant in all of London on November 1st, 2017.

The only problem?

The Shed at Dulwich...

DIDN'T EVEN EXIST!

Take your seat for this absolutely ridiculous, laugh-out-loud story:

It's 2017, and London-based author Oobah Butler seen here has the odd-job of the century:

He writes fake restaurant reviews on TripAdvisor.

Yep.

You read that right.

Fake restaurant reviews. On TripAdvisor.

You see, Butler discovers that restaurants are willing to pay him up to $13 per fake review, as long as it's the most entrancing and enchanting review one could possibly imagine.

Not a bad business, huh?

Butler's churning these reviews out left, right, and center, boosting his clients' restaurants toward the top of TripAdvisor's rankings...

Not only making it a worthwhile side hustle, but perhaps more importantly:

Driving customers to restaurants.

Which gets Butler thinking...

If a bunch of FAKE reviews can get a REAL restaurant catapulted to London's Top 50 places to eat on TripAdvisor...

Could he...

By writing thousands of (fake) glowing reviews...

Make London's top restaurant...

One that doesn't even exist?

There'd be only one way to find out:

"With the help of fake reviews, mystique, and nonsense," Butler says, "I was going to do it:

Turn my shed into London's top-rated restaurant."

And so just like that, Butler makes the plans to 'open':

The Shed at Dulwich.

The first step to opening a fake restaurant?

Get fake-verified.

Butler spends $13 on the burner phone seen here in order to prove to the powers that be (TripAdvisor, that is) that The Shed at Dulwich is indeed, a real restaurant...

With a real working number.

The second step?

Launch a website.

And a menu.

"We don't have a traditional menu, per se" the site reads at the top.

Well, that's one way to put it...

Because as you can see, The Shed at Dulwich doesn't simply serve appetizers, mains, and desserts.

Of course not.

The Shed at Dulwich serves MOODS.

Like, for example, lust.

Nothing will get you rearing to go like toast slathered with rabbit kidneys.

And comfort.

As the old saying goes:

If you ain't eating Mac N' Cheese in a 600TC Egyptian cotton bowl, then you most definitely cannot call yourself comfortable.

The Shed at Dulwich's website even has a photo gallery, highlighting some of their menu's most sought after dishes.

Take, for example, this seemingly palatable dish of what appears to be tomato and cheese.

But as you'll soon see, The Shed uses um...

'Alternative' ingredients.

See what I mean?

Here's one more photograph from The Shed's website for good fortune:

Parsley and egg sitting against, a, I don't know, piece of grilled fish or chicken, I think?

Think again.

By now, The Shed at Dulwich has all the makings for London's top restaurant.

A phone number.

A website.

A menu.

And fresh, natural ingredients, like power bleach and a human foot.

The next, most important step, naturally?

Get The Shed at Dulwich listed on TripAdvisor.

So Butler sends in the materials.

The menu of moods and all.

And without further ado, TripAdvisor responds to The Shed at Dulwich's application with delight, listing the not-real restaurant with very real ambitions on their website "for everyone to see."

On day one, without any ratings, "The Shed" is unsurprisingly listed as the #18,149th restaurant in London.

But as Butler knows from experience, what's the solution to a lowly rated restaurant?

Fake reviews.

Shitloads of them.

But these reviews...they have to be convincing.

And authentic (enough).

And of course, not all at once.

The last thing Butler wants to do is spook TripAdvisor's very sophisticated anti-fraud technology.

So, he writes long, flowery reviews.

Like this:

By now, Butler's friends and colleagues get in on the joke.

They're writing similar stories, propelling The Shed at Dulwich 8,149 spots into London's top 10,000 restaurants.

But then, one day, for the very first time, Butler's $13 phone rings.

"Hello? Is this The Shed?"

It's a customer.

No, not a fake one.

A real one.

Like, a real, sentient human being with a beating heart...

Who came across The Shed on TripAdvisor...

And wants to book a table.

Soon after, all hell breaks loose.

The Shed becomes INUNDATED with emails, voice mails, text messages, you name it.

London wants to eat at the hottest restaurant in town.

"PLEASE can you tell me the easiest way to get a booking with you?" one customer begs.

Wedding anniversaries, birthdays, even Christmas!

Every Londoner and their mother is dying to celebrate at The Shed.

But Butler ignores them all.

And in the process, he realizes a little something about marketing...

"The appointments, the lack of an address, and general exclusivity of this place," Butler says, "are so alluring that people can’t see sense."

By August of 2017 - three months after first listing on TripAdvisor - The Shed becomes the 156th rated restaurant in all of London.

And with all that notoriety, comes MORE interest.

Butler gets packages of food samples from distributors, job inquiries, media requests, and more!

But then, on November 1st, 2017, after continuing to ignore countless calls and emails, the impossible happens:

According to TripAdvisor, The Shed at Dulwich becomes the top-rated restaurant in all of London.

WITHOUT EVER SERVING A MEAL.

But enough is enough.

Butler is getting hundreds and hundreds of missed calls from eager diners every day, all inquiring about reservations at The Shed.

So Butler decides to do the unthinkable:

Out of his own backyard..

Butler is opening The Shed at Dulwich.

Like, for real.

But remember:

Butler's gotta make this thing look legit when his first customers arrive.

The Shed at Dulwich is London's top rated restaurant, after all.

So?

Butler fills half the tables with his friends and actors, who will talk "loudly about how delicious everything is."

For the vibe, Butler hires a DJ to play "the sounds of a real restaurant."

On CDs.

And for the food?

Weeellll.....

Instant soup...

Frozen dinners.

And boxed wine.

With his groceries in tow, Butler heads to The Shed for preparations, because in just a few hours...

It'll be the grand opening.

With real, live customers.

The Shed's first guests are an American couple named Joel and Maria, who are escorted to The Shed blindfolded.

Wait. Blindfolded?

Well, yeah!

This is the best restaurant in London. The customers can't see they're being led through someone's home towards a shed!

Joel and Maria, however, are skeptical.

No shit.

"I ask them to put on blindfolds, and they look terrified," Butler says.

"But after the two actresses who’ve arrived at the same time agree, they nod."

Monkey see, monkey do.

Phew.

Once Maria and Joel are seated?

Butler brings them the personal, five-star touch felt only at The Shed.

He begins, ever so gently:

"We serve moods here. I’ll interpret yours and bring a dish that suits. Maria, I get a homey energy from you. Joel? I’m feeling 'cool', right?"

As more and more guests filter in, The Shed's 'chef' is busy at work grating packaged cheese on top of what was a box of frozen macaroni.

Butler writes:

"As per my request, the DJ triggers 'ding' sounds frequently to disguise the noise of our microwave."

Everything seems to be going smoothly, until one guest squeals.

It appears Butler has hired a man named Trevor to walk around The Shed with a live chicken.

But there's a method to the madness.

Butler explains:

"It’s pick your chicken! We cook the one you like the look of."

At the end of the night, the feedback is "roundly excellent"...

Perhaps because everything is free.

Butler explains to the patrons that "the whole evening was free because 'we were documenting it for a TV show.'"

But perhaps, also because, folks had a really good time.

Two weeks later, The Shed is removed from TripAdvisor.

And while it's difficult to digest such an improbable tale, here's Butler's take:

"I like to be positive," he says with a smile.

"If I can transform my garden into London’s best restaurant, literally anything is possible."

Like this story? Learn something new today?

Follow @DavidZabinsky for more hidden histories like this one.

For another hard-to-believe story involving a London-area shed, check out the one below.

You may or may not shed a (happy) tear.

https://twitter.com/DavidZabinsky/status/1631272174450294784?s=20

For Butler's very own take and summary of what transpired between the magical months of May and November 2017 at The Shed, check out his personal account below.

Oh and BTW, the man, the myth, the legend that is Oobah Butler is on Twitter @Oobahs

vice.com/en/article/434…