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When I write about problems w/“biblical” parenting teaching, there are usually a few parents who reply w/regret.
They believed various “experts” & now are left w/damaged relationships & paralyzing shame.
If you recognize your own parenting practices in #shinyhappypeople…🧵
They believed various “experts” & now are left w/damaged relationships & paralyzing shame.
If you recognize your own parenting practices in #shinyhappypeople…🧵
…and are feeling defensiveness, grief, anger, shame, or other distressing emotions, that makes sense.
Abusive, high control religious environments victimize everyone, & deceived parents are both victims & victimizers.
You can get help too.
Abusive, high control religious environments victimize everyone, & deceived parents are both victims & victimizers.
You can get help too.
There’s probably a reason you were drawn to such teaching in the first place & now is a good time to get curious about that.
Most control/behavior modification based Christian frameworks reject therapy or advocate for nouthetic counseling.
It doesn’t have to be that way.
Most control/behavior modification based Christian frameworks reject therapy or advocate for nouthetic counseling.
It doesn’t have to be that way.
There are Christian licensed mental health professionals who can help you understand family systems, religious trauma, & why parts of you were drawn to be controlled & control others.
Working through your pain & history is a way out of hiding & shame.
Working through your pain & history is a way out of hiding & shame.
I can’t tell you whether taking these first scary steps toward an honest reckoning will result in restored relationships.
I can tell you that hiding in defensiveness, frantically looking for reassurance you did OK, or minimizing harm will forever hamper authentic relationship.
I can tell you that hiding in defensiveness, frantically looking for reassurance you did OK, or minimizing harm will forever hamper authentic relationship.
If you’ve imbibed a steady stream of perfectionistic teaching, it is terrifying to discover you maybe screwed up the thing most important to you.
There is a lot to grieve & lament.
There’s also work to be done.
There is a lot to grieve & lament.
There’s also work to be done.
A therapist can also help you courageously inventory how, whatever your intentions, you caused harm.
They can help you understand the impact &attempt repair and amends.
High control religion also often operates with either/or thinking, but you’ve been misled about that too.
They can help you understand the impact &attempt repair and amends.
High control religion also often operates with either/or thinking, but you’ve been misled about that too.
It doesn’t have to be either doubling down & defending your intentions or hiding in shame.
The truth even when it is painful does really set ppl free.
And reckoning w/the truth of parenting failures doesn’t necessarily end w/yourself being disciplined & shamed for failing.
The truth even when it is painful does really set ppl free.
And reckoning w/the truth of parenting failures doesn’t necessarily end w/yourself being disciplined & shamed for failing.
Jesus’ invitation for the weary and heavy laden is for you too.
High control parenting is a heavy yoke. Why not lay it down?
/end
High control parenting is a heavy yoke. Why not lay it down?
/end
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