Thread by @livira__

#haikaveh + #zhongchi
where Kaveh and Childe had a body swap mishap and now have to find a way to get back before their respective lovers realise what happened.

.

Kaveh woke up in the morning feeling so out of place with his body. It was the best he had ever felt, actually.

His back pain is gone. His entire body is light. Eyesight had never been sharper, and he could take a deeper breath more than he ever had for his entire life.

Okay, Kaveh was healthy, but the lifestyle of an architect doesn't allow him to be 100%. But those were all because...

His body is not... his.

Kaveh looked at the mirror and saw his hair no longer blond, but reddish-brown. His eyes were no longer ruby red, but instead a couple of dimmed azure eyes, deep as the ocean.

"What's going on?!"

This was the body of his client, Childe, from Snezhnaya.

Would it be fair to assume that his body was being inhabited by his client, then? It should be safe, right?

Kaveh looked at his current body now, littered with scars. Many had healed, but he cringed imagining how all those scars came to be to begin with.

As expected of a Fatui.

Kaveh scratched the back of his head. Everything about this situation was weird. Since this body was naked from the moment it fell asleep—and never once Kaveh slept without his clothes—it was safe to say that the swap happened after they were both asleep.

He tried to recall

everything they did yesterday. From the morning where they met, an entire afternoon to survey the project site while discussing the criteria of the project they were conducting, then spending their night away by drinking at Lambad's Tavern...

Nothing was weird, supposedly.

Think, Kaveh. Think. There must be something he missed.

But it was hard to think when he was so hammered last night. Apparently this young Snezhnayan was a heavy drinker and Kaveh underestimated the strength of Snezhnaya's authentic Fire-water.

He envied this body, really.

Not a single sign of hangover. Absolutely fresh. Were all Fatui members this able-bodied, or was it because the Eleventh Harbinger was simply that monstrous?

Ah, but he digressed.

Kaveh tried to recall again. He had a great body and clear mind to recall; might as well use it.

🌟

A month ago, he received a request from Fatui.

Okay, that sounds bad enough. Everyone knows just how horrible their reputations were. It was unthinkable for the Light of Kshahrewar to be willing to work with Fatui and entertain their evil deeds.

Except, Kaveh was sick

of these awful, holier-than-thou clients, who thought their attitude were less deplorable than the Eleventh Harbinger.

A month ago, Kaveh was surrounded by bad clients and was in an overall bad place. His rent was overdue, and it didn't help that Alhaitham didn't welcome

the idea that Kaveh, the Great Architect of Sumeru, had to work on a project with Fatui. Not to mention this was the Harbinger himself who had personally come to follow up about the inquiry.

"You said it yourself that getting the money to come isn't hard." Alhaitham argued.

To which, Kaveh replied, "Getting the money involves me taking the risk of accepting their request, fulfilling the contents written in the requirement documents, and upholding the contract. I've heard that Fatui respects the contract as long as we don't breach it."

Unlike his

clients who asked for unreasonable demands, countless revisions, and cutting the budget until it compromised the safety of the project.

"You may want to reconsider with some other potential clients."

"I’ve reconsidered and this is the kind of client I want to work with."

Kaveh was already done with those.

Still, Alhaitham was kind enough to help review the negotiation and give him some leverage when negotiating, and everything was fine.

It was even better when Kaveh stepped into the discussion and discovered that the Eleventh Harbinger was more

than accommodating, respectful, and also knew what he wanted with the project he was assigned to.

There was no problem whatsoever with the negotiation. The contract was settled, Kaveh received a part of his upfront payment, and he was more than fired up to start the project.

Except that the site where the building was supposed to be was infested with signs of withering.

Thankfully, it was still in its Nascent stage, unlike the ones Kaveh used to deal with when he was building the Palace of Alcazarzaray.

Kaveh followed the guidance from Tighnari on how to seal the Withering, and helped by the resourceful Childe, they managed to clear it without much problem.

Nothing happened until the evening, and neither of them were sick in any way. They thought they were fine,

but it was clear now that they were not fine and most likely, the Withering was the trigger of this weird… happenings.

"I see, that explains why my beloved is missing."

Kaveh jolted, turning around towards the door where there was a tall man waiting by with a cup of tea.

"Uh, umm... I can explain."

"You have explained enough. Please, be at ease."

The man with amber eyes gave Kaveh a cup of tea. A green tea sourced from the northern part of Liyue. Was it Qiaoying Village?

"You are quite a loud thinker, are you not?" The man said with a chuckle.

"A contrast from my beloved. Though, seeing you doing it from my beloved's body was charming enough."

Well, well. This was a surprise. To think that the Eleventh Harbinger had a fine gentleman as his lover... and seemingly way older than he was.

Who would have guessed, huh.

"Is that so..." Kaveh sipped his drink. The taste of the green tea was gentle and soothing in his mouth. "Well, I haven't introduced myself. I'm Kaveh, currently working with Sir Childe. I'll be in your care."

"Nice to meet you, Kaveh. You can call me Zhongli."

The man spoke with a deep baritone voice. He could see why Childe would’ve fallen head over heels over this guy. "First of all, I would like to assure you that you will be fine. However, I believe that this may require a visit to a dear friend of mine."

"You sure know a lot."

Kaveh commented, and while he was curious why Zhongli would’ve spoken such facts with ease and confidence, it was more urgent for him to return to his own body over anything else.

"Not enough to help you out of this predicament, unfortunately." Zhongli said,

"But perhaps we should pay a visit to your original body. I believe that Childe must have been confused with this happening."

Kaveh, in Childe's body, nodded.

He shuddered to think what sort of things that Alhaitham would do if he knew that a Fatui resided in his body.

🌟

Childe woke up in the morning feeling so out of place with his body. It was the worst he had ever felt, actually.

Childe had a back pain. His entire body is heavy. His eyesights were blurry, and for some reason taking a deep breath stretched a muscle near his armpit.

Childe was never the pinnacle of living healthily. The life of a Fatui often on a conscript meant that he put his body in danger, but still despite the dangerous lifestyle of a Harbinger doesn't mean Childe wouldn't maintain his body.

Those were all because his body is not his.

How could this damn architect have the most flawless beauty on his face, yet an awfully terrible body that reminded him of a grandmother? Even Childe’s own grandmother was not as stiff as this architect in his prime.

Civilians’ lifestyle was always full of surprises.

Out of habit, Childe did a stretch after he woke up, only to find his back cracked like he just snapped a branch. Followed by a sudden stretch of his back muscle, then he let out a scream once the pain began to sting.

“Ow! Ow, ow! Ouch!”

He swore it wasn’t this painful when he got stabbed. What was wrong with this body?!

“Huh, you woke up early today.”

The Akademiya’s Scribe?!

Wow, Childe wasn’t expecting that Kaveh, the famed Architect of Sumeru, would have this relationship with the Akademiya’s Scribe.

He should’ve caught the hint when he saw Alhaitham passing by the market and saw Kaveh bickered in less than two minutes with this guy. The sight was way too domestic even if Kaveh was saying that they were merely 'acquaintances'.

“I always wake up early—”

Childe closed his mouth, fearing that this guy might be suspicious of him. He had too much trouble negotiating with the Dendro Archon, alongside this troublesome and meddlesome Scribe who asked way too many questions.

He felt like popping his veins,

remembering all those unnecessary paperworks and lengthy interviews before Childe could get his building permit.

He had enough pressure from his fellow Harbingers to finish the construction of Sumeru Branch’s Northland Bank,

and it didn’t help that Fatui has a bad reputation elsewhere. Dottore, of course, also didn’t help by having a terrible reputation for being a dropout and being an absolute murderous weirdo since his youth.

Oh, well. Childe had long accepted the less favourable part of his job.

But it didn’t mean that the headaches would stop. His coworkers’ antics always got him every now and then.

“Does your definition of ‘always’ refer to once in a blue moon?” The Scribe smirked before he diverted his attention back to the book in his hand.

It was written in a language that Childe didn’t understand. Was there even such a language existed? Sumeru was truly a land full of wonders. “I want to drink coffee.”

And not only that this Scribe was already a pain in the arse with him in his job,

but he also treated Kaveh like a darn maid at their home?

Wow, absolutely wow. The disrespect that this guy had on Kaveh…

“Make it yourself.”

This architect should have loved himself better, seriously.

“Mmm?” Alhaitham looked a bit surprised.

“You always say my coffee sucks, and now you asked me to make it myself?”

“I’m… I’m not feeling like it today.” Childe tried to recall how Kaveh reacted from the brief interaction he witnessed the other day. Thank goodness for his stellar memory and undercover experience.

“Besides, I have to hurry and meet with my… client. I don’t want to make him wait.”

Childe hurried up and wore all the clothes. When he first saw Kaveh, all he thought was how beautiful this person was and how elaborate he looked. But now that Childe had to be the one who put

together all these looks—from the belts, the particular way to wear this loose shirt so it looked presentable, to the bright-red scarf, Childe thought… just how troublesome all these were…

In an instant, Childe found a new height of admiration towards those ladies

who always wear the most elaborate looks and managed to pull it off flawlessly.

“You leave without your coffee?”

Childe gulped.

To be honest, he doesn’t like coffee. But Alhaitham’s voice sounded so tense and enough to make this body shudder.

Childe turned around, taking a glass of coffee, and gulped it in one go.

True to what Alhaitham says, his coffee was awful.

“Thanks for the coffee, I should—”

“You leave without Mehrak?”

What the hell is a Mehrak?!

…was what Childe about to ask before he saw the floating briefcase accompanied him. The face in the briefcase looked sad. It looked… looked like a lost puppy just being abandoned by its owner…

"Thanks..."

Childe nodded, civilians’ life was always full of surprises.

“You’re being weird today.” Alhaitham’s multifaceted iris seemed to discern everything on Childe’s appearance right now. “You don’t do your hair.”

“I’m almost late. I have no time for it.”

“You always have time for it. It only takes you less than a minute to clip everything.”

“Well, so what if I want to change my routine?” Childe crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Was it so weird?”

“It’s not like you.” Alhaitham insisted, now grabbing on his waist.

“And so?” Childe clicked his tongue.

He wondered why did Kaveh choose this kind of insufferable person as the partner of his life. “Just because you’re my husband, doesn’t mean you have to dictate everything that I do, right?”

Then, there was silence.

A long, awfully awkward silence.

“Who are you…?”

Shit.

He just made a terrible mistake, didn’t he.

“I’m Kaveh…”

“No, you’re not… You… you don’t know we’re not married…” Alhaitham looked a bit stumbled, it was really uncharacteristic of this ever-stoic Scribe to be like this. “...yet.”

Oh, goodness.

For the love of Rex Lapis, this man is awfully lovestruck.

🌟

Thankfully, it only took less than several hours to resolve the entire matter. Kaveh, in his body, arrived at his home with his husband. If not for the Scribe's deadly glare, he would've hugged Zhongli

But after a short recap in the audience of the Dendro Archon, ashamed at the whole situation, and burdened by the fact that apparently the Scribe and the Architect was not married yet, not even a lover, YET, was mortifying.

It has been a long day, and Childe could only sigh.

Well, at least it was all over. He's back on his own body that can took a deep breath easily. No more of hazy eyesights, pulled muscle every time he stretched just a little bit, and more importantly, he's back with Zhongli.

"Long day, baobei?"

"You think?" Childe sighed again.

During the course of his life, this was the most time he sighed throughout the day. "I'm only glad that I'm back with you."

Childe scooted closer to where Zhongli was, hugging his waist as he rested his head on Zhongli's thigh as the former archon read the local newspaper.

"Likewise." Zhongli chuckled. "Having you here is the best, after all."

He leaned down and kissed Childe's forehead. The gesture was enough to bring a laughter to Childe's face.

"I know, right?" Childe repositioned himself and sat on Zhongli's lap.

“Though I’m curious, how did you know right away that it wasn’t me?”

“Sir Kaveh is simply a man too honest for his own good.” Zhongli put aside the newspaper, now holding Childe’s waist and brought him closer.

“I suppose it was never in his nature to play pretend. But I have to thank him, though, if he is as good at playing pretend like you do, it might take me more time to figure it all out.”

“Now, what’s this?” Childe gave a teasing smile, and a touch on Zhongli’s nose.

“Dare to call me a liar now, husband?”

“No, I simply admire your acting skills.”

“I failed terribly today.”

“You did well given the limited amount of information that you had.” Zhongli kissed his cheek.

“Well, all that is well ends well. Besides… I also had to thank Sir Kaveh for another thing.”

“And that is?”

“I was not aware that you can make such a cutesy expression.” He said. “Some of his little antics made you look cute, Childe,

and I was wondering all this morning whether I could be the one to make those cute little expressions on your face once you get back on your body.”

“Mmm, care to elaborate?”

Zhongli smiled once again, giving a peck on Childe’s lips and holding him in his arms,

bringing him to the bedroom.

“Of course.”

Childe laughed once again, this time he kissed Zhongli deeper than before.

Yeah, this was truly the best.

🌟

"Wow, you knocked the door for once."

Alhaitham never saw the point of knocking the door, especially when this was his home

But today was full of exceptions already, why not add another one on the list?

"It's late."

"Gee, thanks for the keen observation." Kaveh was still working at the draft. Even after everything that had happened today, he was still committed to do his work. "How can I help?"

"Can I stay?"

It was then Kaveh turned around and looked at him, face full of surprise. "Did you get swapped with someone else? Where's my snarky Alhaitham?"

To which, Alhaitham smiled.

"You're still as spirited as always. That's good." He said. "You should sleep, it's late."

"Just a little bit. I'm almost done for the day." Kaveh drew several lines and refined some of the drawings, alongside making sure that his calculations were all correct. "Just because I had an accident, doesn't mean my work can be postponed. I'm alright, anyway."

"Your client must have been asleep now. There's always tomorrow."

"I know, I know." Kaveh did one last stroke and he put down his pen. "There, I'm done. You wanna talk about something?"

"None in particular, actually."

"Then what do you want?"

Alhaitham looked at Kaveh.

Recalling the moment earlier this morning, when Childe spoke those words so casually.

/“Just because you’re my husband…”/

So natural, as if they have done it for years.

It wasn’t Kaveh who spoke that, of course. Perhaps it won’t happen any time soon. But there was something that was different when those words he only got to imagine were being spoken. Like there was nothing odd about it.

It was all natural.

All mundane.

All habitual.

The kind of habit he wouldn’t mind getting into.

“I just want to talk with you for a bit.”

Alhaitham looked at Kaveh’s ruby red eyes. The confusion beneath those sparkly eyes was all too easy to see. Still charming as always.

“You told me to sleep and now you want to talk?”

Kaveh laughed. “Make up your mind.”

“Alright, maybe just a bit.” Alhaitham smiled, at last he sat down on Kaveh’s bed. “Tell me about your day.”

“You know it. We've been together this whole day, what else should I tell you about?” Kaveh was still smiling,

though this time Alhaitham noticed a slight tint of red in his cheek. Kaveh wasn’t drinking today, it was due to an entirely different reason.

“Maybe about how it feels to have an athletic body for once and be rid of those back pain.”

“Now that was great. I understand now why you are doing multiple reps every day.” Kaveh said while changing his clothes into sleeping attire. Just a change in his shirt into something slightly thinner, that was all. “Maybe I should try exercising with you from now on.”

“We can start tomorrow, then, if you’d spare some time and wake up earlier.”

“Don’t be too hard on me then, Junior.” Kaveh laid on his bed and chuckled. “And umm, thank you for your help today. Without you, the talks with Lesser Lord Kusanali won’t happen that fast.”

“Thank me properly by waking up early tomorrow and committing to your own words.”

Kaveh sighed, “Ah, my Alhaitham. As cold as ever.”

It might still be a while before he was able to hear those words again.

The day where Kaveh would call him husband and maybe call Kaveh his dear wife wouldn’t happen in the next year or two.

“Good night, Kaveh. Sleep well.”

For now, giving Kaveh a stroke in his hair and tuck him to sleep was enough.

(end)

wooo it's been a while since I write a threadfic. This is for @tehqqi, I promised you this several months ago. Thanks a lot for the prompt and for waiting patiently for this! I hope you like it 🫶

More of my zc and hkv threadfics below
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