Thread by @Nenabekee

The power of observation.
When I was growing up, my father would never stop talking about how important it is to notice what is going on around you and take charge.
He told us a story his lecturer told him when he was an undergraduate. I hope it is fiction btw
#parenting101

It was a class of science students. The lecturer told them that b4 the glucometer was invented the only way to assess glucose in urine was by licking some of it. He asked one of them to pee in a cup. Then he dipped a finger in and licked it. The cup was passed round and everyone

Had to do as he did.
Save for one guy at the back. He stood and said "I won't sir bc you dipped in your first finger and licked your middle finger!"
The lecturer shouted "That's the power of observation! Good man!"
The rest of the class ran outside gagging and retching.

We were taught that we had to know who was walking behind us always: their gender and demeanor.
We had to be able to read people's intent from their gaze.
We had to tell when someone was lying or simply stuttering.
He took these lessons very seriously, often asking me at age 7

To look at the sky and tell him whether it was the sun rotating or the earth. I really couldn't tell until I learned the right answer in school.
My dad believed that if you were ever scammed, it wasn't bc a spell was cast (as Africans believe) it was bc the fraudster

Was more intelligent than you. He believed that intellect that only gave you good scores in school was useless. If another child could talk you into doing the wrong thing, you weren't very bright after all.
I wanted to make him proud so as a child I always looked for intent

One day, I was about 8 or 9. A man showed up and said my dad sent him to collect our VCR machine for repairs. My 2 older cousins in their twenties quickly wrapped it up, no questions asked. I told them my dad would not send a stranger without leaving instructions or calling.

There were no mobile phones at the time and we couldn't reach his office with the land phone.
They scolded me for butting in where I wasn't wanted so I kept quiet. It turns out he was a thief.
Another day, we heard shouts of "Thief! Thief!"
A neighbour had been robbed.

My day took his bow & arrow (don't even ask me why a medical doc had a bow and arrow🙃) and a meat cleaver and went to help.
He came home chuckling.
Me: Did you see the thief?
Him: Nnenna, have you ever seen a thief who'll tie up the home owner and leave his right hand untied?

It turns out the domestic servant of the neighbour had stolen a few stuff and had the "smart" idea to cut off the cord of the iron and use it to bind himself.
Unfortunately, there was no way to tie his right hand.
No one else noticed this. Everyone was busy shouting "Thief!"

I'm sharing these stories to give you an insight into the limitations of digital nannies.
A phone, tablet and laptop often serves as a digital nanny, pacifier and unfortunately has even been described as digital crack.
They prevent situational awareness and empathy.

If you cut down on screen time, your child will learn to look into people's eyes and read their intentions.
They will learn how to interpret body language and interact with others outside of the structured environment of school.
In school, teachers are there to protect and guide

It is outside of that environment that they can put their social & emotional skills to test. This helps you correct and engage.
Many children from privileged homes cannot identify a tree by its leaves. Some do not know the way home from school bc they depend on the adult driving

When you were your child's age, you could go to the shop and buy groceries. Now, your child isn't even allowed to carry his own school bag.
At 10, he cannot wash his underwear.
At 12, he cannot read a 100 page story book.
At 16 he cannot make a sentence without swearing.

At 21, he cannot be trusted to look after himself. His emotions are all over the place. Once you refuse a request for more money, he begins to post messages on his WhatsApp threatening himself or others. He never accepts responsibility. Everything is always someone else's fault.

Is it the phone's fault?
Of course not.
However, if you fire the digital nanny or reduce his work hours, you can use some of that time to.pass on some of the excellent skills that have made you the success you are today.

Take courage.
I think you're doing amazing!