Thread by @notaterrornerd

A lot of you are confused about what is happening in Russia right now, so I thought, as an expert in the field, I'd write a little explainer!

🚨🚨 Thread 🧵

Russia 🇷🇺used to be in charge of loooooots of land 🌄. This made Russia 🇷🇺 super happy 😄! But then the evil capitalists 👿 took away a lot of Russia's 🇷🇺 land 🌄 with 'democracy' 🤮and 'self-determination' 🤬! So now Russia 🇷🇺is a little smaller 🤏 and very very sad 😭!

One day sad 😭 little 🤏 Russia 🇷🇺 looked over and just across its border it saw Ukraine 🇺🇦 having a great time 🎉. 'That's not fair,' said sad 😭 little 🤏 Russia 🇷🇺! Ukraine 🇺🇦 isn't allowed to have fun 🥳 when I'm all sad😭! So Russia 🇷🇺went and took away Ukraine's 🇺🇦fun🪅

For many, many years ⌛️ Ukraine 🇺🇦said: 'Russia 🇷🇺please 🙏 give me back my fun 🎉'

And Russia 🇷🇺 said: 'No, you are subhuman 👿 nazi 🛑scum and I want to kill 🔫 all of you for being mean 😠 to me and having other 🇪🇺🇺🇸 friends.🧑‍🤝‍🧑'

One day sad 😭 little 🤏 Russia 🇷🇺 had enough! It's time ⏰ to finish 🏁 this. And it threw 🎯 lots of soldiers 🪖and bombs 💣 right at Ukraine's 🇺🇦 head 🤕.

But all of Ukraine's 🇺🇦friends 🧑‍🤝‍🧑 helped 🆘 and soon the big old meanies 😠 were throwing bombs 💣 right back!

'Oh no, cried Russia🇷🇺. Who can help 🆘 me now?

It asked the baker 🧁: Baker 🧁 can you help me? But the baker said no

It asked the gardener 👩‍🌾: Gardener👩‍🌾 can you help me? But the gardener said no

Finally it asked the cook 🧑‍🍳: Cook 🧑‍🍳can you help me? And the cook said yes!

The cook 🧑‍🍳was really good with knives 🔪 so he sliced 🍕and sliced 🍕. And the cook 🧑‍🍳was really good with war crimes 🦹‍♂️ so he warcrimed🚓 and warcrimed 🚓. And the cook 🧑‍🍳was really good with hoarding gold 🪙 so he hoarded💰 and hoarded 💰

And one day sad 😭 little 🤏 Russia 🇷🇺 said: Thank you 🙏, cook 🧑‍🍳for helping me. But please 🇷🇺 give me all your knives 🔪 because Ukraine 🇺🇦 is being mean 😠to me by not dying 💀 so i need them.

And the cook 🧑‍🍳looked at all his knives 🔪 and all his gold 🪙 and looked at old 👴 sad 😭 little 🤏 Russia 🇷🇺 sitting in a palace 🏰.

No, said the cook🧑‍🍳, you can't have my knives 🔪 because I need them to protect my gold 💰 and keep me from falling out of windows 🪟🌠

Sad 😭little 🤏Russia 🇷🇺 got very angry 😡at this so it screamed 😱 and it roared📢 and it said: oh no, if only i had never asked the cook🧑‍🍳 to help me at all.

The cook 🧑‍🍳heard 👂 this and he was very upset 😿. I thought we were friends 🧑‍🤝‍🧑, said the cook 🧑‍🍳and stormed 🌪️out

And the cook was so mad😡 he🌪️ whirled and he twirled 🩰 with his knives 🔪all the way on the road 🛣️ Moscow 🟥.

Oh no, said sad 😭 little 🤏 Russia 🇷🇺, I don't have any friends 🧑‍🤝‍🧑and all my knives 🔪 are stuck in Ukraine 🇺🇦, whatever shall I do ❓

anyways, that's pretty much where we're at now, hope this helped, I will update as developments develop

the cook 🧑‍🍳and his knives 🔪came closer to the palace 🏰 so the old man 👴in charge of sad 😭 little 🤏Russia🇷🇺 built lots of security 🚧 around Moscow and then hopped on his magical plane ✈️ and went to a far away land called St Petersburg where everyone is always happy 😃