Thread by @TheBrometheus

Men, if a girlfriend or wife has ever said, "Talk to me!" and you had no idea what to say

And later she cried or got mad that you "won't talk to me"

Here's why that happens and a foolproof method to communicate the way she wants, based on my 15 years' training & experience

🧵

First we need to talk about male and female brains.

Male brains like to observe problems (back) then solve them (front). So they move backward to forward.

Female brains like to make connections and see relationships. So they observe (back) then cross the hemispheres a LOT

These connection points hold a LOT of ramifications, but so does the size difference in the brains, the specialization into problem solving vs relating, and adaptability to stress, among a host of other differences.

Here's why... (and it's a big deal)

Certain parts of the brain are different, including gray vs white matter. The average female brain is designed to be more intuitive with communication, social cues, and relating with others. This is by design.

Huge facts here:

Finally you need to understand evolutionary psychology. This field says our ancestors had adaptive biology that kept them alive while others with less helpful biology died out.

This is crucial for what comes next and what she wants from you.

Homo sapiens have been on this planet between 200,000 and 300,000 years now.

We were hunter-gatherers up until 12,000 years ago with the Neolithic Revolution.

Our brains are prioritized to survive with hunter-gatherer patterns.

Here's what that caused in us:

Male brains likely evolved as they did to solve problems quickly. To see an issue and jump right to a solution. And to constantly see the world through problem-solution thinking.

Their communication was limited to addressing issues with others.

Men communicate TO SOLVE.

This helps when you're hunting a dangerous animal and need to share instructions immediately.

Or to solve a dangerous issue that could bring threats to the family.

You're not here to relate, but to provide and protect.

Communication focuses on that.

Female brains on the other hand likely developed to keep their children and family close, nurtured, and bonded.

This would have ENORMOUS benefit for people who survived based on the strength of their group cohesion.

Women kept the family intact. Their brains allowed this.

Women also gathered and shared resources amongst themselves in constant social interaction. Harmony was prioritized (which is why most women are conflict averse) and risks were avoided (which is why most women don't want to make final decisions for a group).

Female communication, then, was designed to build harmony with others, maintain cohesion, nurture good feelings, develop bonds, and share helpful information someone may need down the line.

Female communication is for BONDING AND SHARING.

None of this means that men can't communicate to bond and share, or that women can't solve problems.

It means that typical brains are specialized to DEFAULT to our primary fields of expertise.

This is important when we get stressed out and impatient.

Men in relationships often default to solving problems, especially if they never learned from the women in their family how and why to communicate for sharing and bonding.

Men solve problems to show their love.

They don't bother communicating otherwise.

Why would they?

Women, on the other hand, often show their openness to bonding through communicating. Talking and sharing means bonding and a desire for most closeness.

So they may share a LOT MORE than most men expect. Leading to a lot of frustration and confusion (and missed bonding).

Women then are communicating in an effort to share and bond and show love and desire for closeness.

Men hear this and think, "What is she yammering on about now? Maybe she has a problem."

They listen for a problem and throw out a solution.

And she feels shut down.

This right here is why most women feel shut down.

But why then do they ask YOU to talk?

For the same reason they expect their female friends to talk. You talking shows a desire to bond and connect and share.

And when you're deathly silent all the time and never open up...

Women often interpret male silence as lack of desire to connect, which translates to a lack of desire in her as a person.

He will have sex with her but not share his thoughts and feelings and experiences.

This tells her she's a pleasure toy in his life. A sex object.

When she says "Talk to me!" what she means is, "Show me you have any desire to connect with me, to share with me, and to be together with me on any level but the physical one."

Put another way, "Show me you care about me through communication."

This makes perfect sense to HER brain but not to YOURS.

Except... Now you see the problem. And you can solve it.

Remember that her communication is STILL solving a problem:

✅Show interest
✅Protect cohesion
✅Bond
✅Share
✅Build the love

All solving problems.✅

This is why you communicating helps her feel safe and bonded.

You're solving all of those problems together with her and showing her you plan to stick around long-term for more than just sex.

It gives her a way to know you, to predict you, to help you, to grow closer with you.

If she's ever cried after you didn't get it, that's because you REJECTED bonding with her and told her you had ZERO interest in getting closer.

Her crying shows how much she craves that closeness with you.

So it's time to fix it...

Here's what you should say.

When a woman says, "Talk to me!" or before that if you want to be proactive, follow this 4-step method I'm about to share with you

This will change everything & build greater emotional intimacy which leads to greater physical intimacy

Here's how to get more sex through talking

(Hopefully that's enough problem solving to get you invested in this new method of talking)

😏

Ask her if you can run something by her to get her input.

This primes her for what you want. And shows her this is a sharing moment.

She'll likely perk right up because she WANTS this.

Step one:

Share a problem you're experiencing. Any problem at all. At work, with your job, with your motorcycle, whatever.

ANY PROBLEM. Share it.

Step two:

Describe in a word how this is problem is making you feel. Probably frustrated, annoyed, confused, sad, whatever.

One feeling. This makes you relatable and sets up the stakes. She wants to hear this part so she knows you're being vulnerable to her.

Step three:

Share the solution you've already thought of.

"Wait, why would I talk to her if I already have a solution? I'll just do it."

Yeah hold on. You're sharing to bond and exchange info. And remember her brain making connections? She can help with this part.

Step four:

Ask "Before I do that (solution), have I missed anything? What's your take?"

Her brain will take your solution and run it back and forth across her hemispheres to dissect every possible relationship impact it may have. EVERYWHERE.

She's checking for bad interactions

Her brain will likely spit out a ton of third-level interactions you never imagined when you designed your solution.

Some of these may be important enough to add a piece to your solution, or even to scrap it and write up a new one.

Her brain SPECIALIZES in helping you like this

Once she gives you feedback, thank her. Be honest about it. And be appreciative.

One good response is, "Thanks for your input, I'm going to have to think about this for a while. I appreciate your insight."

This has the added benefit of making her feel safe and secure as she learns how you think and gives you more useful data over time.

An AI program learns to predict you. So will she. And her feedback will become more targeted to help you specifically.

This means...

She becomes more valuable as she ages and accrues wisdom and experience.

No younger woman could ever threaten her usefulness in your life.

She feels safe and secure.

Plus you're trusting her enough to open up and you're bonding with her.

HUGE security in this.

This in turn creates enough safety to increase her emotional connection to you.

Most couples who have NO SEX after a couples years are lacking this exact communication approach. Couples I teach this method to increase their sexual frequency 3X.

She feels safe, so she opens up.

So guys, the next time she says, "Talk to me!" use this 4-step method.

Be proactive. Don't wait for her to complain that you don't love her. Before she begs for sharing, open up on purpose.

Go to her today and say, "Can I run something by you for input?"

See how she perks up.

And if you need a video version of this thread in way more detail that helps emotional intimacy click for men, click here:

If you enjoyed this thread retweet it so more couples can create better communication and love.

https://twitter.com/TheBrometheus/status/1675165257398992896?s=20