Thread by @emilykmay

🧵 Almost 2 decades ago, I was at an evangelical youth group in the summer. A random teenage boy approached me and told me he would appreciate if I dressed differently at church. I was wearing a spaghetti strap knee length dress.

I used to be mad at him. Now I feel bad for him/1

Teenage boys find teenage girls attractive. They might even find it distracting at times! I spent many a youth group sermon daydreaming about the 11th grader who played guitar for the worship team.

But for young men, this attraction is conflated with lust. /2

This can create hyperfixations and even intrusive thoughts, like in many folks with diagnosed OCD.

Like the pink elephant paradox. /3

“Don’t look at her shoulders. Don’t think she’s hot. Don’t picture her naked. Get behind me, Satan!”

If these young men were allowed to acknowledge their (very normal!) thoughts & feelings of finding girls their age attractive, they wouldn’t have to hyper spiritualize it. /4

But because it’s framed as a “battle” - these young men have these normal and healthy attractions and try to “resist” them.

And often end up taking it out on women.

And they are then praised for this behavior. /5

It makes me so sad.

To be told your sexuality is dangerous because it can get out of control quickly. So you need to suppress. Repress.

At the most extreme, it can have the opposite effect (ie: Josh Duggar). /6

Teach your boys that lust ≠ perfectly normal desires.

Don’t hyperfixate on their sexuality.

If they look at p*rn, tell them their curiosity is *normal* - but their brains are still developing and p*rn is not real sex.

And don’t teach them to blame girls for existing. /7