Thread by @readswithravi

“The Courage To Be Disliked”

A thought-provoking read. Using the theories of Adlerian psychology, it teaches us simple, yet profound lessons required to liberate our real selves by developing the courage to change and find lasting happiness.

12 wise lessons from the book 🧵

1) Your life is not something that someone gives you, but something you choose yourself, and you are the one who decides how you live.

2) Those who make themselves look bigger on borrowed power are essentially living according to other people’s value systems – they are living other people’s lives.

Those who go so far as to boast about things out loud actually have no confidence in themselves.

3) Life is not a competition.

It’s enough to just keep moving in a forward direction, without competing with anyone. And of course, there is no need to compare oneself with others.

A healthy feeling of inferiority is one’s comparison with one’s ideal self.

4) Admitting mistakes, conveying words of apology, and stepping down from power struggle – none of these things is defeat.

The pursuit of superiority is not something that is carried out through competition with other people.

5) If you are leading a life of worry and suffering – which stems from interpersonal relationships – first, learn the boundary of ‘from here on, that is not my task.’ And discard other people’s tasks.

That is the first step toward lightening the load and making life simpler.

6) All you can do with regard to your own life is choose the best path that you believe in.

On the other hand, what kind of judgement do other people pass on that choice? That is the task of other people and is not a matter you can do anything about.

7) Freedom is being disliked by other people.

It is proof that you are exercising your freedom and living in freedom, and a sign that you are living in accordance with your own principles.

8) One needs to think not “What will this person give me?” but, rather, “What can I give to this person?”

That is commitment to the community.

9) The most important thing is not to judge other people. Judgement is a word that comes out of vertical relationships.

If one is building a horizontal relationship, there will be words of more straightforward gratitude and respect and joy.

10) If one really has a feeling of contribution, one will no longer have any need for recognition from others.

Because one will already have the real awareness that ‘I am of use to someone’, without needing to go out of one’s way to be acknowledged by others.

11) Why is it necessary to be special? Probably because one cannot accept one’s normal self.

And it is precisely for this reason that when being especially good becomes a lost cause, one makes the huge leap to being especially bad – the opposite extreme.

12) Life is a series of moments: It is a series of moments called “now”. We can live only in the here and now. Our lives exist only in moments.

The world is simple, and life is too. One just needs to live each moment earnestly.

Thank you for going through the thread. Follow me at @readswithravi for more book learning, reviews, and lessons. Teach or share with others what you learn, that's how we grow.

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