Thread by @credenzaclear2

i was homeschooled and studied statistics and work with STEM phds and stereotypical awkward nerds every single day as i have for my entire career…i can tell you from direct long term experience that people do not deserve your friendliness just because they are socially awkward

if - in an individual setting - it is easy for me to make a situation socially smooth i will do so and it is absolutely my pleasure, especially if it helps put others at ease and draws them out of their shell. i agree with others that theres a moral imperative to be kind here too

HOWEVER it should not be expected that i cater to and coddle people on the basis of social awkwardness alone. “awkward” is not a value judgment. we are all awkward at times. someone can be awkward and a good person or awkward with malintent.

there are too many dangerous people in the world to trust everyone easily. it’s totally normal and prosocial to have some standards for social interaction and friendship. that’s why social norms and rules exist, so people can feel safe as they gradually open up and build trust

especially as a woman interacting with men, not that it needs to be said!

the mark of maturity is when you make it your responsibility to put others at ease and expect nothing from them in return, while still maintaining high standards for who you let in and trust. when you work at this continually the social world becomes a lot smoother.

i get frustrated when i’m expected to accept and coddle blatantly transactional and inorganic interactions just because the other person is “awkward”, as if this is an immutable trait and the other persons intentions are unquestionably pure

not saying it’s good that i get frustrated or react… i know that’s graceless of me and not very kind. but i do think the expectation from others is incredibly antisocial and not “kind” in the long run.

others should consider that negative reactions to awkward behavior are not always just “mean girl” or “popular” behavior (as if we’re all still in high school, what a demeaning way to view yourself and others!) but a genuine, rational reaction to something that is Not Good