Thread by @jjfplanet

For the new faculty out there, here is a brief summary of my first 18 months as a professor, 16 years ago, as I remember it today. This came up on Facebook:

I thought that I had made a terrible mistake in my work life. Plain and simple. We had a baby, 2nd on the way. I didn't have time do my research and my students didn't know what they were doing yet, so nothing was happening.

This was extremely jarring compared my extremely productive postdoc years. During the referee process for one of my papers (that I submitted when I was a postdoc, naturally) I thought that the referee was personally trying to sink me.

I was teaching all my classes from scratch. The retiring professor who had taught my 1st class many times before (a grad topic that I didn't know well) would not share his notes with me, for reasons I've never understood. Had to teach myself as I went, and made *many* mistakes.

One time I flat out cancelled a (grad) class because it was past midnight and I had no material for the next morning (I was learning as I went), and I couldn't stay up all night, given life and parenting. I lied and claimed I was sick.

In the end the class went...."OK." Everyone knew that I was trying hard. But one of the students in their eval wrote 'Prof Fortney at times seemed at a loss with regard to the material.' Ouch. This was not wrong.

It got better. At the time it was not clear to me HOW it was getting better, but it did. I think realizing that not everything can get your "100% caring attention" is a big one, that just happens as you prioritize your life. You repeat teaching classes. Your mentees learn.

You need to give yourself some grace.
Special thanks to @astromarkmarley for invaluable advice, including to not worry about the referee report, you have a child on the way. (Sound advice.)