He was found tied to a tree, along with another dog.
The other dog had died of starvation and he was close to it. He had been shot with numerous pellets, his tail was broken and a lot of his teeth were missing.
He was hours from death.
The Greater Hillsdale Human Society were having none of it. Slowly, gently, they rebuilt and strengthened his broken body.
I knew none of this.
All I knew is that Lonnie and I were going to GHHS to donate my dogs beds, food and toys.
As we were walking up to the door, a former student sent me a message. She told me she was praying for me and God told her that He was going to give me a remarkable gift that day.
I walked in just as they were walking a dog out. His head was down and he was slow walking when suddenly, he lifted his head, saw me and ran at me so hard and fast that the leash came out of the volunteers hand. I sat on the floor and he jumped on me, licking me and pushing me to the ground.
I just couldn't quit laughing.
They showed me videos of him from that day and many before: a broken hearted dog who didn't even lift his head, who shied away from human contact and who no one really picked as a result.
He picked me and I picked him. I named him Marius after a Roman General I was reading about at the time.
We went to the vet together and the amazing Dr. Taylor in Hudson, MI told me the same thing they did: let's just make sure we give him a great last few years of his life. I promised him and I promised Marius that his last few years would rock.
That was 8 years ago.
He was the most joyful, happy go lucky knucklehead of a dog I've ever had.
He loved stealing food, making out with strangers and crawling up on the laps of people who cried in my office.
He went crazy for truck rides, got beat up by a cat named Supper and was fairly certain the the UPS driver was trying to kill us all.
He loved to run.
Like no dog I ever had before, God made Marius to run.
His greatest accomplishments include the day he stole and ate an entire pizza and a cake and the time he stole and ate an entire three pound roast.
There's a lot to my life as a priest that centers around the toughest parts of human existence; a lot of death, a lot of sorrow and conflict.
Marius made each day better.
Today, he went home to God and my heart is full, but broken.
I thank Jesus for the gift of Marius and I thank God for all of you who loved him so and who helped me take care of him. Uncle Lonnie, Carrie, Alicia...so many folks who just loved on him.
We went to the chapel this morning and prayed like we did every morning. God will take care of him, though He’ll need to put a lock on the fridge in Heaven.
I'm so grateful for Doc Taylor and Doc Cocagne who cared for him, stuffed him full of treats and were always willing to tell me "He's fine, Father" whenever I hit the panic button because of whatever he stole and ate.
So, today is the end.
I stroked his hair, kissed his head, breathed a prayer of thanks and said goodbye.
I’ll miss you, Marius.
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There’s been some good questions I asked, and some comments that I think require me to clarify so, I’m gonna do a few posts now about how, why and what I perceive is the benefits of anonymous confession.
How?
We built a new church. I set it up so that I am in a separate room with the window between us that I cannot see through but that you can hear through.
I am significantly hearing impaired, so the screen is thin enough where I can hear but it’s also impossible for me to tell who is there.
Our other confessional has anonymity as a default, but you can open the window and see each other if the penitent chooses to do so.
Why?
A couple reasons:
First is safety.
My first day at this assignment in 2018 a couple parents sent me a letter asking what I would do to ensure them that their children were safe from me.
It was an utterly heartbreaking letter of course, but also terrifying.
If I’m in a community that thinks this way, then I need to make sure to avoid any position where my purity/goodness can be reasonably questioned.
Second, as much as is appropriate, it removes me from the equation.
It removes the need for greetings & addresses the possibility of making it about which Priest is hearing their confession. This is about Jesus and the penitent. I am a hollow reed.
Third, it removes a lot of awkwardness for many. They don’t have to worry about anonymity, and I don’t have to worry about body language.
Fourth, people like it.
Between my two parishes and the other priest with me, we hear in excess of 10 hours of confessions a week.
People are coming to confession that haven’t gone in forever.
People are driving an hour and a half to come.
The line is consistently 20 or 30 people deep 20 minutes before confessions even start.
On the first Saturday of the month, we have four Priest and it usually takes us two hours minimum to finish the line.
Fifth, it helps me pray.
The entire time I’m in there, my eyes are closed, I’m praying the Divine Mercy prayer and I’m hearing confessions. I’m able to focus on the moment and be there as much as as appropriate, but not too much.
This is not exhaustive, but it’s what is on my mind as I try to help people understand.
Addendum:
To be blunt, the Diocese advisory team wanted us to build reconciliation rooms and not do what we did like we did.
I looked up the confession times for the Priest in charge of that team and he was offering 20 minutes a week of scheduled confessions.
I thought and prayed about it and God help me, I did it anyway.
Monsignor Easton took me for a walk one day when I was in seminary.
I was so angry at the church and sick of all the dirty games that I just decided to pack my stuff and give up.
He showed up at my door and took me for a walk.
He listened to my sad story and he hurt with me.
Then, he told me about his experience of being betrayed by the church.
It was an awful, awful story.
He had only been a priest two years when his bishop threw him under the bus in the worst way possible.
We cried together, frustrated at the wickedness of it all.
Then, he stopped
the walk & made me look at him.
He told me that the stories were terrible but that in the end, they have nothing to do with the only question that mattered: am I called to be a priest?
He told me how long he’d been a priest & he didn’t need to tell me he loved it; I knew.
There are many people here who make no effort to engage in a fruitful manner.
They are not seeking mutual growth, they are seeking submission to their ideology.
You can tell by their approach.
Has what they’ve done ever worked?
No & they know it.
It’s easier to call you a racist, a heretic, a right winger or a socialist; that way you are simultaneously a victim and a hero.
A victim because you are never understood,
a hero because you are one of the rare ones who gets it.
It’s pride & insecurity.
I know this because I catch myself doing these types of things as well and it stunts my growth; it entrenches me.
If my goal is to win, I will find a way to do so.
If my goal is to grow, then I need to swallow my pride and try to read what they are saying and think it through.
Nope.
And they’ll continue to worship & support priests who tell them what they want to hear & hate priests who don’t.
The worst part?
We can’t see it. We are so arrogant that we think only “the other side” does what we quite literally do.
Altman said some of the most obnoxious, racist & wicked things from the pulpit, but he caught the visceral rage of many, articulated it well & then sprinkled some Gospel on it.
He has a huge following & will retire wealthy.
The Church is in trouble, not because of Bishops or
other leaders, but because we’ve fallen for the trap of mistaking the symptoms of Christianity for Christianity itself.
We can ignore the unborn, the poor & vulnerable because our theology is good.
We can ignore obedience & holiness as long as we have the “right” enemies.
As faithful Catholics, we have a right to so much better than this.
Scandal after scandal, horror after horror.
For those who perpetrated these crimes, judgement will be eternal & devastating.
To take the most beautiful thing out God offers us & turn it into a means to attain
some measure of power, which they then use to violate the bodies & souls of the most vulnerable…my heart can’t take it anymore.
No one with the power to change the system will read this, because they don’t have to.
They are accountable to no human & therein lies the problem.
Eternal damnation is their destiny.
Eat your fine meals at the best restaurants. Proclaim from your thrones which politician we should sell our conscience to.
Hop on your airplanes to gather together & have more meetings that result in nothing.
Your judgement is coming.
Today, I want to tell you this:
I don’t know what is hurting you.
I don’t know how long you have been carrying that hurt.
What I do now is that some years ago, I assumed I would never be whole again and I was wrong.
The process of healing continues, but I know
each day I feel the wounds fade. The process was slow & gentle, because our God is patient & I am so breakable.
He sent and sends me good people who love me & proved they were worthy of my trust.
He helped me forgive, showing me how to put down the burden of anger & sorrow and
keep walking.
He showed me how to pray for my enemies & genuinely love them.
He showed me how to use my pain as a fuel to ensure that I treated everyone I could with my absolute best.
I share these things in the hope that they will give you hope;