Thread by @duckbldg

i know i joke-vent about my job a lot and i try to keep things light online but can i just be real with you all for a second 🧵

im coming to the point to think architecture as a profession is not healthy for me. my joints hurt. i am tired all the time. i feel depressed and have very little energy by end of the work day. no amount of sleep recovers me. i don't have time or motivation for chores or hobbies

i love making & creating things with my hand. but i haven't found time to do any of that since work load picked up back in march this year. and with our client's new acquisition, workload is unlikely to wane even in the slower months. i feel like im suffocating

i am fairly introverted and don't need a lot of socialization to feel happy. i am in a loving relationship and have a few good friends to hang out with. but the problem is that i am so fatigued all the time that i don't feel like i can fully enjoy the hours i spend socializing

my pay is not great but it's not the worst i have seen either. frankly i don't even think i have that much responsibilities. it's just tedious work. i keep telling myself, someone has to do it. and most of the time, i am fine with doing it. but it doesn't make me feel productive.

i've only been working in an office for a year and half, and i am not even working for one of those firms notorious for overworking you to death. but even then, idk how much of this i can take? i know everyone has to grind to get somewhere but i question why this is how it is

i am burnt out. i just don't really love my day to day. and while i know i can move onto another firm for better pay or better hours, the idea of being a cad monkey and not really having much agency in design just wipes me out. i am so tired just from thinking about my career

when i try to will myself to make something - embroidery, painting, making music etc - i'd just give up halfway. my brain is so fried all the time, i just wanna lay down. i am already medicated after years of trial & error to find the antidepressant that doesn't make me suicidal

i just miss feeling content with my creative output. i miss learning new skills. i miss practicing guitar & piano. i miss making things, feeling inspired & getting excited by potential projects with potential collaborators. i even miss doing chores or simply doing nothing at all

sorry for all the heaviness, im mostly fine, just tired & irritated with my job, anxious about my various debts. i know i won't regret it once i get my hours and get licensed, but it's hard to look forward to it when i feel like i should be doing something else with my time

anyways im not really looking for immediate advice at the moment with this thread (maybe if you know me well you can dm me later), but your solidarity is appreciated 🤍