Thread by @RandPaul

I'M BACK for more #airingofgrievances, exposing waste, and generally pissing people off online.

I would like to personally thank @elonmusk for buying this platform and allowing us all to say Happy #Festivus again. I mean, we could always say it. No one actually ever stopped us from saying it, but whatever.

@elonmusk I'm kidding. The war on Christmas was REAL. It was so real that Lindsey Graham tried to send it aid money.

@elonmusk You know the current war is not going well when Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham aren't even sure they want to send it money. They saw Zelensky last week, patted their pockets, and said sorry all out.  It's quite the #Festivus Miracle, really.

@elonmusk Speaking of Zelensky, last year I said he came to Congress dressed like he was delivering our Uber Eats order. This year I would say it was more like he was trying to sell me the next iPhone at a @TMobile store.

@elonmusk @TMobile Most of the candidates on the Republican side are against more aid, and I think that's a great step forward for our party and country. I'm skeptical about Chris Christie's plan to trade weapons for perogies, though.

@elonmusk @TMobile Let me ask you a question, and you can reply with your answer: should the GOP change its nominating method to a TV reality show/game show combo? Think of it as the Battle of the Network Stars meets the Apprentice. I bet the ratings would be better than these unwatchable debates.

@elonmusk @TMobile This weekend I'm traveling to see my parents, and it always reminds me that if more people than just me and @repthomasmassie had been listening to my Dad, we would be a lot better off.

@elonmusk @TMobile @RepThomasMassie I have a problem with @Tedcruz this year - as usual it’s about not understanding liberty. To all those who have a pet peeve against something (like smart refrigerators)  — do the libertarian thing: if you don’t like them don’t buy them. goodhousekeeping.com/appliances/ref…

@elonmusk @TMobile @RepThomasMassie @tedcruz And on this and many things, leave the rest of us the hell alone. I’m almost out of mayo and I need my refrigerator to know that.

@elonmusk @TMobile @RepThomasMassie @tedcruz I'm sorry. I didn't mean to leave out @justinamash. He also listened to my Dad, but then he set himself on fire after his TDS (Trump Derangement Syndrome) diagnosis.

@elonmusk @TMobile @RepThomasMassie @tedcruz @justinamash Speaking of which, when Donald Trump is elected for the second time next year, we better clear out a lot of space on planes and roads leaving the country. I expect every leftist half-wit entertainer who says they're going to leave to do so. They always tell the truth, right?

@elonmusk @TMobile @RepThomasMassie @tedcruz @justinamash Same with the angry leftist politicians. That is, whoever is still here after Epstein's full list is published next year.

@elonmusk @TMobile @RepThomasMassie @tedcruz @justinamash I'm kidding, @HillaryClinton. Kid-ding.  Also, I'm not suicidal and do not wish to harm myself. Thank you.

@elonmusk @TMobile @RepThomasMassie @tedcruz @justinamash @HillaryClinton Speaking of harm, it's time again to look at what both parties in DC are doing to your future by wasting your tax dollars.

@elonmusk @TMobile @RepThomasMassie @tedcruz @justinamash @HillaryClinton More tax dollars down the litter box...

@elonmusk @TMobile @RepThomasMassie @tedcruz @justinamash @HillaryClinton It's high time we swing back towards fiscal sanity.

@elonmusk @TMobile @RepThomasMassie @tedcruz @justinamash @HillaryClinton That's all for now. I'll return later with more, but for the time being, you can enjoy my Christmas playlist on Spotify. open.spotify.com/playlist/1kVSc…

@elonmusk @TMobile @RepThomasMassie @tedcruz @justinamash @HillaryClinton Also, you can read more about the waste report right here and I will be back in a while! foxnews.com/politics/rand-…