Rand Paul Profile picture
Dec 23, 2023 19 tweets 4 min read Read on X
I'M BACK for more #airingofgrievances, exposing waste, and generally pissing people off online.
I would like to personally thank @elonmusk for buying this platform and allowing us all to say Happy #Festivus again. I mean, we could always say it. No one actually ever stopped us from saying it, but whatever.
@elonmusk I'm kidding. The war on Christmas was REAL. It was so real that Lindsey Graham tried to send it aid money.
@elonmusk You know the current war is not going well when Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham aren't even sure they want to send it money. They saw Zelensky last week, patted their pockets, and said sorry all out.  It's quite the #Festivus Miracle, really.
@elonmusk Speaking of Zelensky, last year I said he came to Congress dressed like he was delivering our Uber Eats order. This year I would say it was more like he was trying to sell me the next iPhone at a @TMobile store.
@elonmusk @TMobile Most of the candidates on the Republican side are against more aid, and I think that's a great step forward for our party and country. I'm skeptical about Chris Christie's plan to trade weapons for perogies, though.
@elonmusk @TMobile Let me ask you a question, and you can reply with your answer: should the GOP change its nominating method to a TV reality show/game show combo? Think of it as the Battle of the Network Stars meets the Apprentice. I bet the ratings would be better than these unwatchable debates.
@elonmusk @TMobile This weekend I'm traveling to see my parents, and it always reminds me that if more people than just me and @repthomasmassie had been listening to my Dad, we would be a lot better off.
@elonmusk @TMobile @RepThomasMassie I have a problem with @Tedcruz this year - as usual it’s about not understanding liberty. To all those who have a pet peeve against something (like smart refrigerators)  — do the libertarian thing: if you don’t like them don’t buy them. goodhousekeeping.com/appliances/ref…
@elonmusk @TMobile @RepThomasMassie @tedcruz And on this and many things, leave the rest of us the hell alone. I’m almost out of mayo and I need my refrigerator to know that.
@elonmusk @TMobile @RepThomasMassie @tedcruz I'm sorry. I didn't mean to leave out @justinamash. He also listened to my Dad, but then he set himself on fire after his TDS (Trump Derangement Syndrome) diagnosis.
@elonmusk @TMobile @RepThomasMassie @tedcruz @justinamash Speaking of which, when Donald Trump is elected for the second time next year, we better clear out a lot of space on planes and roads leaving the country. I expect every leftist half-wit entertainer who says they're going to leave to do so. They always tell the truth, right?
@elonmusk @TMobile @RepThomasMassie @tedcruz @justinamash Same with the angry leftist politicians. That is, whoever is still here after Epstein's full list is published next year.
@elonmusk @TMobile @RepThomasMassie @tedcruz @justinamash I'm kidding, @HillaryClinton. Kid-ding.  Also, I'm not suicidal and do not wish to harm myself. Thank you.
@elonmusk @TMobile @RepThomasMassie @tedcruz @justinamash @HillaryClinton Speaking of harm, it's time again to look at what both parties in DC are doing to your future by wasting your tax dollars.
@elonmusk @TMobile @RepThomasMassie @tedcruz @justinamash @HillaryClinton More tax dollars down the litter box... Image
@elonmusk @TMobile @RepThomasMassie @tedcruz @justinamash @HillaryClinton It's high time we swing back towards fiscal sanity.
@elonmusk @TMobile @RepThomasMassie @tedcruz @justinamash @HillaryClinton That's all for now. I'll return later with more, but for the time being, you can enjoy my Christmas playlist on Spotify. open.spotify.com/playlist/1kVSc…
@elonmusk @TMobile @RepThomasMassie @tedcruz @justinamash @HillaryClinton Also, you can read more about the waste report right here and I will be back in a while! foxnews.com/politics/rand-…

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More from @RandPaul

Apr 11
📭🧵 1/5
Congress voted for a so-called reform of the US Postal Service in 2021 (I voted no!).  The results:  the annual Postal Debt — $4 billion per year BEFORE the reform,  now -- $6.3 billion per year. washingtonexaminer.com/opinion/294525…
Amidst declining mail volume and vast increases in annual debt, the geniuses at the Postal Service hired 125,000 new employees.
📭🧵 3/5
Perhaps, we base Postal Exec pay on ability to decrease the annual debt or maybe we should just sell the Post Office?
Read 5 tweets
Feb 6
1. Ukraine Aid with No Strings Attached: This bill funnels $7.85 billion taxpayer dollars for the lavish salaries of Ukrainian bureaucrats in addition to $60 billion more to fund their war. AND this is all on top of the previous $113 billion Congress doled out to the corrupt regime.
2. Border "Security": In this massive spending bill of $118 billion, the Swamp allocated almost 6x as much to OTHER countries than to our own border. Congress, as usual, is trying to send billions to secure other countries, while our own border crisis is a complete afterthought.
3. Open for Business: Unlike what was promised, this bill doesn't mandate an automatic shutdown. Instead, it allows the President to say the magic words "national interest," and voila! The border stays open.
Read 5 tweets
Jan 12
I’ve been watching the GOP Primary closely for a while now, and I like various aspects of several candidates - Republicans like President @realDonaldTrump, Governor @RonDeSantis, and @VivekGRamaswamy.
@realDonaldTrump @RonDeSantis @VivekGRamaswamy I’m interested in the ideas of some independents too, such as @RobertKennedyJr.
@realDonaldTrump @RonDeSantis @VivekGRamaswamy @RobertKennedyJr As I look over the field, I don’t think I yet have a first choice, but I do know one thing: count me in as #NeverNikki!
Read 24 tweets
Jan 8
Everyone knows the old joke about detecting when a certain person is lying...Just check to see if their lips are moving.
In Anthony Fauci, a better test is simply to compare what he says privately away from the cameras with his public pronouncements, as his private words frequently directly contradict the many lies he tells in public.
As we hope to find the truth in Fauci’s @COVIDSelect deposition today, his deposition in the Missouri v. Biden case on Fauci’s collusion to suppress speech showed that for a supposedly smart guy, he doesn’t seem to “recall” a great deal when examined under oath.
Read 16 tweets
Dec 23, 2023
I’m back with more #Festivus joy! Shall we?
Years of massive spending finally caught up to us, and inflation and recession are still here.
It’s funny because the press tries to tell us we should be happy because some number a government bureaucrat came up with says prices aren’t higher.
Read 14 tweets
Dec 23, 2023
It's that time of year again. Happy #Festivus! I've got a lot of problems with you people! And now, you're gonna hear about it.
As you prepare for holiday time with family and friends, start your celebration with us here today for the #airingofgrievances.
When your job is in Congress, you have a lot of people you can have grievances with. It’s almost too many to think about, so most of the year, I just don’t. NOT TODAY. Today ALL I am going to think about are my grievances. I hope you’ll follow along and maybe air your own.
Read 25 tweets

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