Thread by @soveryisraeli

A thread 🧵

The Talmud exposed (Part 1)

Actual (very real) quotes:

"It is forbidden to practice Talmudic Rituals in the presence of Muggles."
(Babba Ganoush, 32b)

"To punish the Goyim, one must pester them with weird hints about the lights being off on the Sabbath and Festivals."
(Shtusim, 132a)

"On the night before Passover one must search his house for forgotten vials of blood."
(Meshugasen, 54a)

"The Jews are a superior race. Unless an actual race is involved. Sports is not our thing."
(Shoita, 16b)

"It is forbidden to celebrate the Pagan Holidays. Instead, consume Chinese takeout."
(Nittel Nacht, 63a)

"What happened in Usha, stayed in Usha"
(Idiots 22b)

Credit: @FrumHumor

"If an ox falls into a pit and lands on a person, that's gotta hurt"
(Tzaar, 34c)

Credit @FrumHumor

"When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, it's too late to say kiddush levana (Daas Amore 38f)

Credit: @Twit_Or_Miss

@Twit_Or_Miss “Two who grab onto a Tallis, each one claiming ‘It is mine,’ and [through their grappling] rend it in two, the Tallis MUST be sewn up sloppily, crumpled, thrown underneath a bimah, and used every time a guest gets an aliyah “
(Havolim, 35a)

Credit: @Twit_Or_Miss