Thread by @NavOrthoWorld

I wrote how to find an Orthodox wife yesterday, and that is advice you can take: if you pray and do some careful research, you can find a beautiful Orthodox wife tonight. Incels take note: those days are over.

But I did not write how to write a spiritual wife, because that is a topic I am still developing.

Spiritual men and women, are so few and far between these days, to be nearly extinct.

They will never be truly extinct: they are the heart of God's Church on earth. 'And I will build My Church, and the gates of hell will not be able to stand up against it.'

But they are truly difficult to find.

Usually one will find a spiritual man or woman already in a committed relationship to a man or woman who is not so. He or she prays for their spouse, and so brings them towards salvation, though they may suffer immensely along the way as their other half fights against God.

And this is why with many married couples, either the husband or wife is canonised, but not the other. St. Xenia of St. Petersburg is one example, she was canonised and we know from her Life that her beloved husband, Andre, was not.

In praying for his salvation fervently, she saw her own soul saved. In the midst of tremendous suffering, St. Xenia battled through, and became a saint!

And so must you, husband. So must you, wife.

If the man you married is a lump who barely goes to church, if the woman you married is a dunce who couldn't even finish the Jesus Prayer if she wanted to: remember the words of St. John Chrysostom and do not abandon your post, for in doing so, you may see them saved. (Part 1)

(Long passage taken from the marriage homilies of St. John Chrysostom, this is part 2 from 'How To Choose a Wife')

St. John the Goldenmouth reminds us that we must keep at the marriage even if our spouse is terrible, *because we chose her.*

We knew what trouble we were getting into in the first place.

In the wisdom of the Church, though, there is the indispensable guide of one's own spiritual father, which is why Orthodox Christians on here always say:

Because the Church's treasury of wisdom can only be applied by spiritual means. It involves talking to a human who is equipped to handle spiritual realities and judge the right way between good and evil, right and wrong.

It involves God's chosen ambassadors, the ones He has handed apostolic succession to, the priests and bishops and metropolitans and hieromonks, and so on, who are ordained to handle these things.

Side track: Sometimes people will say, 'Why can you Orthodox not give a straight answer about [xyz spiritual issue]?!?'

Because the answer has always been: we have the fullness of Church wisdom handed down from the Apostles, but it cannot be individually applied without a priest.

The Western academic pseudo-spirituality that produced the Latins and Protestants, cannot conceive of this.

'All the mysteries of the universe can be explained using rationality and logic, if you just think the problem to death.'

They cannot see that as this world grows more perilously close to the edge, that this approach does not work and will never work.

Spiritual problems have to be solved using spiritual means. Hence baptism. Hence priests. Hence the Sacraments. Hence everything Orthodox do.

Which conveniently lets us step back to the original point: how to find a spiritual wife or husband.

And I have both bad and good news for you:

1. You may not be able to. But that can be used for your own salvation.

2. You might be able to. But you will likely have to suffer intensely first through committing fully to the first option.

This means that you don't get a divorce because your husband or wife is a klutz in the prayer department:

You buckle down and be the spiritual one.

YOU pray.

You married them, you stay with them until they die, or you die, and finish what you started.

And crowns will be given to the victor.

Many canonised saints, like I said, were married to someone who was unspiritual.

To those looking for spouses, I must remind you to be patient.

Especially the young ones, it is very difficult because your bodies, male and female, are screaming, 'I must bear children!'

(The desire to mate is given for the purpose of procreation, not merely recreation.)

And perhaps you will marry at first to bear children. You will grow up spiritually, and your husband or wife, does not.

Do not despise these spiritually ugly folk! Keep going, even though they may be nearly impossible to live with.

Crowns are available for the taking.*

*I have to make a side track here because this is 2024: ask your spiritual father, if there is physical abuse involved, the Church typically condones immediate separation

Sometimes the unspiritual one will leave. (Typically this happens when an Orthodox Christian and an unbeliever are married, but the delineation does not always fall that way.)

St. Paul and St. John Chrysostom both say, if he or she wants to go their way, let them have their freedom.

But you are not to extract yourself.

What to do?

And here is where I can only say: pray.

Pray fervently, pray often, add fasting and a prayer rope with the guidance of your spiritual father. Go on pilgrimages if you are able. Confess and commune often.

Orthodox Christians who truly want to know and love God, are a precious few among the larger 'few', when so many are simply going through the motions. And only God knows who is who. Occasionally He will find two such souls and bind them together. When you see these precious couples, bless and honor them, for these are truly unique treasures. ☦️

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