Thread by @SureAsMel

For a fun game, let's do a tour of the unit @Airbnb refuses to give me a refund for! I'm sure they'd hate if you liked it shared this, which seems to be the only way to get their attention. Let's start with the entryway. Not off to a great start re: cleanliness.

But wait, @Airbnb! There's more: when I left today I locked the door. When I got back it was unlocked and one of the screws was missing from the deadbolt. The host is, naturally, suggesting that I am too stupid to lock a door properly despite locking it ten times before.

When I first got here, there was a small cockroach in the kitchen. I killed it, which was evidently my mistake, because @AirbnbHelp wanted proof. Since then I've killed two more and one got away, but here's your proof!

But it's not just roaches. We also have rodents. Mouse droppings and general filth between the fridge and the cabinets. In case you think there's a chance it could be anything else, think again.

Fun fact before you accuse me of snooping, @Airbnb: I opened this cabinet trying to see what was up with the hot water after it lasted just long enough to wash another roach down the drain. Guess how @AirbnbHelp responded to that problem:

Of course, hot water isn't the only water problem. It's raining tonight, dear @Airbnb, so naturally the ceiling is leaking:

@Airbnb But why keep the fun in the front room? Let's talk about the bathroom, @Airbnb

@Airbnb So, for a recap: roaches and rodents and water and filth and (possibly?) breaking and entering? Oh my! But not, apparently, oh my enough for @AirbnbHelp to give a rat's ass:

@Airbnb @AirbnbHelp But it was actually so much worse than this, so here's the saga of what reaching out to @AirbnbHelp about this was like:

@Airbnb @AirbnbHelp 5pm: I check in. Immediately notice the furniture is different from the pictures (no couch, but a crappy futon instead). Willing to give it the benefit of the doubt because I try not to be an asshole, usually. Naïve, clearly. But then I notice the heat doesn't seem to be working.

@Airbnb @AirbnbHelp I reach out to the host, who sends a handyman. He removes an HVAC filter that is BLACK. Like the cancerous lung of a lifelong chain-smoker. Feeling more uneasy but thinking, okay, maybe it's just been a while since they had a guest.

@Airbnb @AirbnbHelp 6pm I haven't seen the roaches yet. I decided to make dinner. (I should mention I have booked this place for A MONTH.) The stove has four mismatched knobs, none of which are pointing the same way. They turn the gas on, but don't turn it off so easy!

@Airbnb @AirbnbHelp I contact the host again in a bit of a panic. The gas is off, I think, but the place sure smells like gas. So they send the property manager over. He tries and fails to fix the stove then asks me to come downstairs and look at a different unit with a working stove. Sus? Yes.

@Airbnb @AirbnbHelp 7pm: Back in the unit. Guard is up. When the first roach shows itself I smash it and toss it, since that's what a sane person does with a roach, right? Wrong! Obviously you stop to take pictures first, or at least you do according to @AirbnbHelp.

@Airbnb @AirbnbHelp So at about 7:30 I reach out to @AirbnbHelp. Explain the issues. They tell me they need to reach out to the host first and they'll be back in touch within the hour. They're not. I wait. Decide to take a shower. Wrong move. There's a roach waiting for me in the tub. I drown him.

@Airbnb @AirbnbHelp But this is ALSO apparently the wrong move because (according to the @Airbnb ethos) what you're obviously supposed to do when you're naked and under running water is whip out your phone (from where?? afraid to ask) and document the situation. Okay, my bad.

@Airbnb @AirbnbHelp We've already covered the hot water, so we'll skip that part. By now it's after 11. I finally call @AirbnbHelp because it's just one affront too many. Little did I know how many affronts were left in store. I tip my hat to you, @Airbnb. I underestimated your sadism hugely.

@Airbnb @AirbnbHelp I get someone named "Jennifer M" on the phone. She asks for evidence, which I duly provide (except for the hot water, which she never did tell me how to document). I tell her I have to go to bed and she says she'll work on the issue overnight and update the chat. She does not.

@Airbnb @AirbnbHelp 7:30am: I reach out. A DIFFERENT @AirbnbHelp person who clearly hasn't read any of the previous conversation replies:

@Airbnb @AirbnbHelp After a little more flirty back-and-forth, this person ghosts me. So I get on the phone again and finally, FINALLY! someone seems prepared to help. She makes all the right sympathetic noises and says she can offer me a refund but only if I check out BY 11 PER THE HOST'S POLICY

@Airbnb @AirbnbHelp It's now 9 so I bust my ass packing up a month's worth of belongings and a whole load of groceries. I don't have my car because the host completely misrepresented the parking situation (that was the prequel I spared you), forcing my partner to drop everything and come get me.

@Airbnb @AirbnbHelp Now this support person who promised me the refund. Also promise she'd be back in touch within an hour. Guess what? An hour comes and goes. I send fifteen messages and nobody replies. At 11:40 someone calls me back and immediately hangs up.

@Airbnb @AirbnbHelp So I, the more fool I, call @AirbnbHelp AGAIN. I spend two hours on the phone, with different reps who are not any of the first five reps I spoke to, telling me that they have no idea who promised me a refund even though they recorded the call and I gave them a timestamp.

@Airbnb @AirbnbHelp I provide additional evidence and the month or tenth person I've talked to says they'll the review the situation and get back to me with a decision. The decision is that I don't qualify for AirCover or a refund and in so many words I can go fuck myself.

@Airbnb @AirbnbHelp When I pushed back in sheer disbelief, this is the response I got:

@Airbnb @AirbnbHelp Because I don't have $2500 (yes! That's how much I'm paying for the privilege of living here for a month!) to just light on fire and go stay somewhere else, I had to move BACK in the day after I moved in and back out again because that's what they told me to do.

@Airbnb @AirbnbHelp All this, by the way, in a third floor walkup on a broken ankle.

@Airbnb @AirbnbHelp Then came today. Then came the deadbolt, the mice, the leaking ceiling, the roaches--this time LIVE FROM THE SCENE AND CAUGHT ON CAMERA!--and who knows what horrors await? I've messaged the host but they're not responding and calling support is worse than useless so here we are!

@Airbnb @AirbnbHelp Thank you all for going on this journey with me. If it discourages any one of you from ever booking with @Airbnb , then at least I achieved something.

@Airbnb @AirbnbHelp And, of course, stay tuned for any exciting updates. What will it be next? Place your bets!

For everyone asking why I didn't just get a hotel, I needed a pet-friendly month-long stay. If you are not a millionaire Airbnb is, sadly, often your best (or only) option.

Hey look! I found another one!

Wait for it...

Hey @Airbnb how many roaches do I have to find before I win a prize

Noice

In all seriousness, y'all are doing the Lord's work, thank you

For those of you who have expressed concern, my partner is coming to get me, AGAIN, after I pack up, AGAIN. So, thanks to them and no thanks to @Airbnb I will be back in a safe place shortly ❤️

Let the record show I did the dishes and put everything back EXACTLY as I found it, because, you know, @Airbnb wants proof and I wouldn't put it past this host to trash this place worse than it is and blame it on me 😘

@Airbnb Except for the mug I put out to catch the drip from the ceiling and the screw that "fell" out of the door which is now in a glass on the table, so really I'm doing them a favor

@Airbnb How do I break it to him

@Airbnb But late for that, Kev!

I'm home! But will update this thread with whatever shenanigans Airbnb throws at me next because I'm sure this ain't over

They're talking refunds now but still trying to make me pay 70% of the cost of the nights I spent in the unit after they FORCED ME TO MOVE BACK IN by refusing me a refund in the first place

I couldn't make this shit up and I'm a writer, people literally pay me to make shit up

Desperately need to go to bed and waiting on Airbnb to address some sticking points still -- what fresh hell will tomorrow hold?

Anyway I probably should have done this 40 tweets ago but I'm new to going viral so... I guess if you enjoyed this or want to help offset the cost of this debacle you could read my book? That would be cool of you bookshop.org/a/7403/9781250…

In any case thanks again for everyone who helped get this seen and shake some things loose 🤞🏻

Guys we did it

I'm so overwhelmed by the response to this, and I have some thoughts but not enough characters so I wrote them out on Substack:

open.substack.com/pub/mlriodiscu…

Hugely grateful to everyone. Wow, it has been the weirdest 18 hours.

Not to be too after-school special about it but this really is an object lesson in why empathy matters. I'll be paying your goodness forward as best I can 🖤

But also probably muting this thread now because ya girl needs a nap xx

One for the road though, because holy shit?