Seeing well-written opinion pieces with headlines like ‘What happens if Ukraine loses?’ in western media as a Ukrainian feels surreal because the authors are talking about geopolitics and you’re sitting in Kyiv thinking ‘oh, well I guess I might die or lose my home forever?’.
And listen, it’s not a new feeling, since this very time in 2022 was even more deeply horrifying, but I really really really don’t want to go through the experience of fleeing your own home and wondering if you’ll ever see it again all over again.
I spent the first three-ish months of the full-scale invasion on the outskirts of Ternopil, and while it’s a lovely town, and I will always be thankful that my family and I had a safe-ish place to go to back then, I’ll never forget having nightmares about never seeing Kyiv again.
And the feeling of waking up every two hours to check the news and get in touch with your loved ones to ask them if they’re still safe. Or the feeling of sobbing the entire car drive back home because you’re horrified that you’re making a mistake by taking your kid back to
the capital of a country that’s being invaded, as well as a city that was pretty much encircled just a few weeks ago. Or driving through Hostomel for the first time since it was occupied by russian forces and sobbing because all of the places you used to hang out at now bear
the traces of unspeakable violence and so much pain and heartbreak. Anyway, I guess I’m a little emotional just thinking about all of this.
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