Kelly Profile picture
Apr 23 19 tweets 4 min read Read on X
I’ve got a family member who hasn’t seen me in 5 years because they “don’t do sick”. Suddenly they wanted to visit. I’m housebound - which limits options. When topic of masking came up - I was rudely shut down. They demanded “normal”. 🧵 on the importance of setting boundaries /1
I became disabled before the Covid pandemic. I’ve got multiple severe health conditions that leave me stuck in bed (and horizontal) the vast majority of the time. As a result I can’t “hide” the fact that I’m sick. /2
This particular person has been rather rude on a number of occasions about how they don’t want to have to see how sick I am. Positive thoughts only type vibe. I was even excluded from a zoom Christmas because I couldn’t fake well & my sickness would spoil the holiday. /3
Here’s the thing - being disabled is lonely. The pandemic has only made that worse. The isolation wears on you and it’s easy to accidentally get your hopes up when you really should know better. When this person offered to visit … I thought maybe things had changed. /4
I got my hopes up - only to have them crushed. I mentioned that the visit would have to be relatively short (I have bad crashes if I over exert or talk/socialize too long) and that I would need them to mask. /5
I’m immune compromised and am barely holding onto my baseline as it is. I recently had a minor skin infection that made me so sick I was fainting and injured my wrist. My body would NOT do well with Covid. And I’m unwilling to risk my baseline. /6
I said I would happily provide the masks … but it didn’t matter. I was told that my “stringent requirements” were ridiculous and that THEY deserved to have a “normal & happy visit”. That if I wouldn’t accommodate their idea of normal - they wouldn’t come. /7
First off - I reject the idea that one person can determine another person’s idea of normal. Second - if you can’t be happy just because you have to wear a mask for an hour… you may need to re-examine some things about yourself. /8
The idea that I should risk what’s left of my health just so someone else can feel like things are “normal” is patently absurd to me. So I held my ground and the visit was cancelled. This person is now angry that I’m unwilling to see them. /9
This is where boundaries come in. I was completely willing (and actually excited) to see this person after so long. I simply set boundaries to protect myself. They didn’t agree & cancelled the visit… as is their right. They do not have the right to shame me for my boundaries /10
This is when I mourn the loss of empathy & compassion that’s been escalating since Covid. I don’t think someone else has the right to decide my “normal”. I find it incredibly insulting that they insinuated they were “deserving” of a happy visit (as though I somehow wasn’t). /11
This person hasn’t seen me once in five years. Which means they’ve not helped me with my severe illnesses. Multiple hospital trips, serious setbacks, infections, injuries…. They’ve been looking the other way and living their “don’t do sick” normal life. /12
They’ve shown me that they aren’t capable of accepting my illnesses and they aren’t willing to offer help when needed. So who are they to demand I risk my health for their comfort or joy? If I get sick and end up even worse off than I am now…are they going to help? /13
Of course not. Yet despite this glaringly obvious fact they still felt entitled to ask me to put my health on the line for them. And they feel comfortable shaming me for not backing down and acquiescing to a visit that aligned to their version of normal. /14
I’m hurt and disappointed - but I tell this story to encourage everyone to set and stick to boundaries that protect their health. We can’t control what others do but we can refuse to compromise our own safety. /15
There are many people who refuse to acknowledge the realities of chronic illness and who won’t accept that we are still in a global pandemic. It’s a dangerous combination of denial and willful ignorance - one that results in people like me being pressured into taking risks. /16
If you’re struggling with people like this in your life - please know you’re allowed to set and stick to personal boundaries. You’re not abnormal, you’re not robbing people of joy and you’re no less deserving of happiness than anyone else. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. /17
It’s getting harder and harder to find people who genuinely support disabled individuals - ableism is rampant and eugenicist attitudes are growing at an alarming pace. But there ARE good people out there. We need to find & cherish them. /18
Lastly please keep sharing your stories… even the hard ones. It helps people feel they’re less alone and it’s important to bear witness to the suffering & abandonment many are dealing with. Plus you never know when you might change a heart & mind and possibly save a life. /end

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More from @broadwaybabyto

Apr 18
Why do we undervalue the lives of disabled people so much? Why do we expect them to survive on a disability benefit that keeps them below poverty line - especially when being chronically ill drives expenses up? I spoke to a friend about this & was shocked by the response 🧵/1
We were discussing CERB - the Canadian emergency payment people received if they were laid off due to Covid shutdowns. I mentioned it felt unreasonable that it paid almost double what people on disability receive. /2
This friend informed me that working people expect to be able to live off what they make - and therefore if they’re unable to work they “deserve” more money. Disabled people however need to learn to “budget” for their new circumstances and “do more with less.” /3
Read 19 tweets
Apr 16
The MAiD discussions this week are taking a toll on disabled people. Our view of medically assisted death isn’t as rosy as others.

Disabled & chronically ill patients cost the system a LOT of money. We’re very sick but could take decades to die. A 🧵 on coercion & euthanasia /1 A screenshot from a CBC News article dated 2017 that says “ medically assisted deaths could save millions in health care spending. Report. Across Canada journal calculated up to $136.8 M in savings”
Look at the headline in image above … blatantly talking about how much money MAiD can save the healthcare system (and this was before covid). Yet we still see people talking about how compassionate it is. Can it be compassionate? I’m sure it can be. Is it always? No. /2
When they crunched numbers to come up with 1.68 MILLION in savings - do you think that was limited to terminally ill patients? People who are imminently dying don’t cost our system nearly as much as disabled complex chronic illness patients. We are where the cost savings lie /3
Read 18 tweets
Apr 13
When my mom was dying of pancreatic cancer (after being misdiagnosed as “anxious”) I remember us talking about how at least when I got to be her age… things would be better.

20 years later and things haven’t gotten better - and the pandemic has arguably made them worse. A 🧵/1
When my mom was sick we both genuinely believed that healthcare would improve considerably before I had to face serious medical challenges. It was one of the small comforts we had in a very dark time. /2
I thought we would have far better diagnostic tests but also more equitable care for women, minorities & other marginalized individuals. It's heartbreaking to realize that isn't the case. /3
Read 16 tweets
Apr 10
When I was a teenager - my mom’s pancreatic cancer was misdiagnosed as “anxiety.” The experience shaped my view of the healthcare system & the damage that bias, gaslighting and psychologizing illnesses can cause. A 🧵/1
Pancreatic cancer is among the most deadly cancers - and is almost always diagnosed too late. My mom had led a very healthy life with few medical setbacks until she suddenly presented with intense itching, bruising and some back pain./2
She was literally black and blue from scratching and completely unable to stop because of its severity. So she went to the doctor.

The diagnosis? Anxiety. /3
Read 20 tweets
Apr 9
If you’re interested in going dairy free - don’t think you have to give up sweets! You can make great treats that can be good for your health! These millionaire squares didn’t make me tachycardic like traditional desserts due to being high in protein & fibre & low glycemic 🧵 /1 Photo of a stack of raw vegan millionaire squares.
This recipe is from the @thehappypear - I adapted it to include extra inflammation lowering ingredients like chaga & reishi mushrooms. The best thing about it is it’s “no bake” so it’s quick & easy and very forgiving if you mess up on quantities. First step - almond flour! /2 Photo of the inside of a vitamix filled with almond flour and medicinal mushroom powder. There’s an animated banana in the centre and it says “I’m making a raw shortbread… Awww… Yeah…”
Combine 200 grams almond flour with your choice of seasoning (salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, medicinal mushrooms) in a blender with 60 grams coconut oil & 100ml agave (I used maple syrup instead). Blend until smooth. Line or grease a baking tin and pack the “shortbread” down /3 Photo of packed vegan shortbread inside a bread baking tin. There’s an image of fire that says “lit” in the centre.
Read 10 tweets
Apr 8
I’ve seen a number of people debating giving up dairy as concerns over avian flu grow. I gave it up nearly 20 years ago in an attempt to help with inflammation - and when I was healthier I experimented with making my own nut cheeses & milks. Some recipes & inspiration below 👇🏼 🧵 Photo of chocolate cherry banana nice cream with ripe bananas sitting beside it
The photo above is banana “nice cream”… an excellent & healthy substitute for ice cream. Freeze ripe bananas and place them in a high speed blender with sweetener of choice (I used dates), other fruit, chocolate, cinnamon… the possibilities are endless & the texture on point /2
You can also use frozen bananas to make smoothie bowls! This one was high protein & full of vitamins & minerals. Dark cherries, cacao powder, hemp seeds, chia seeds & walnuts blended with cashew milk, dates, cinnamon & pink salt. Could easily be an entire meal. /3 Photo of a smoothie bowl inside a coconut husk bowl. Smoothie is dark chocolate cherry and topped with hemp seeds, walnuts and rolled oats.
Read 17 tweets

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