Thread by @Harlack

Hey, for those new here:
This is the day where I talk about personal things.
It’s cool if you are just following me for goofs and spoofs, just don’t read on.

For everyone else….

I’m an alcoholic and today I’ve been sober for 5 years.
This past year was… well a lot of it sucked.
It was filled with tremendous ups and devastating downs.
Since being sober, I have never wanted to drink more than this past year.
I didn’t, but damn did I want to.

I got my dream job, then lost that job, went through the stresses of I.P. loss/ownership, started a business with a bunch of idiots (the best idiots really), and I’m getting divorced.

(Note: it’s an amicable divorce, having nothing to do with my alcoholism)

All of which to say… I really felt like some “turn off my brain” juice this past year.
Which is what alcoholism is all about for me, the want. I was never in control of my want, only ever justifying it. Feeding my want because it was a bad day, or good day, or Tuesday!

Something about me is I fucking love rules, which was a problem before because I could wrap my drinking around rules to “make it ok”.
It was all bullshit because I would make the rules with the “outs” in mind.
2 beers on a weeknight - (IPAs have well over 10% ABV)

Now I’m at a point where my super power of absolute rule following is a great strength.
Only because I’ve accepted and vocalized my alcoholism, i can have a simpler rule… no alcohol.

Even when I’m really feeling the pull, I can follow my rule.

The curve balls that the divorce are throwing at me are challenging.
Living on my own for the first time in 20+ years.
Every other week I have a completely silent house.
Being alone with my thoughts… I don’t know if you all realize that I’m a bit much sometimes!!!

I’m fortunate that I have amazing friends and coworkers, and that I have a therapist that’s a good fit.
Im lucky to have an outlet for my stupidity.
And I’m grateful to be at a job that I love, one that motivates me every single day.

It’s easy, sometimes too easy, for me to get caught in a spiral… thinking about all the bad.
Reflecting on the good, or even just the things that don’t suck, is a vital part of a lifelong process of my sobriety.
And if that fails, like any good Dungeon Master, I have my rules.

This is an incredibly hard thing for me to write every year.
But hearing others’ stories is what motivated me to self reflect and eventually got me on a good path.
Whether this helps you, or if you’re just here for the gossip… thanks for listening.