Thread by @broadwaybabyto

When I was 21 I was told that pregnancy could (and probably would) kill me AND that I was likely infertile.

I asked to have my tubes tied & was told “you’re too young. You may change your mind & want kids.”

🧵 on reproductive health, bodily autonomy & misogyny in medicine /1

https://twitter.com/timnoego/status/1822105819644821710

First off - this was devastating news at such a young age. I had stage 4 endometriosis, a tipped uterus, adenomyosis & other health issues that made pregnancy unlikely AND dangerous.

I was told in the event I became pregnant - they would have to recommend termination /2

Abortion would ALSO be risky to my health - though less risky than carrying a pregnancy to term.

Given the threat it seemed perfectly reasonable to request a more fail safe method of birth control (tubal ligation). /3

I was having laproscopic surgery anyways to try and remove some of the endometriosis - so they were literally already going to be operating. Tying my tubes was a negligible risk compared to the rest of the surgery. /4

Imagine my shock when I was informed they wouldn’t do it because I might change my mind and want kids.

I asked them whether my “changing my mind” would change my prognosis or their recommendation. Nope. They would still recommend termination /5

This was the first time I truly understood how deep misogyny and patriarchal values ran in medicine. My theoretical ability to bear children - whether I wanted them or not and whether it was safe or not - was more important than my health and my life. /6

It was infuriating. An IUD wasn’t an option for a myriad of reasons so I was stuck on hormonal birth control that I didn’t tolerate well. I was also getting sicker from the endometriosis & adenomyosis… and it quickly became clear a hysterectomy would be best for me /7

Given doctors weren’t willing to entertain a tubal ligation - you can only imagine how they felt about a hysterectomy. Same tired arguments about how I could change my mind, I was too young, what if I met a man who wanted kids blah blah blah. /8

I got these responses from male and female physicians - all of whom were willing to let my health significantly deteriorate rather than “make me barren”. None of whom listened to what I wanted to do with MY body. /9

I continued to push for surgery because I knew it was what I needed - and was forced to undergo multiple psych evaluations. I heard everything from “don’t you want to be a mother” to “what if you meet the man of your dreams & he leaves you because you can’t have kids?.” /10

How is it appropriate to ask ANY woman these questions? Let alone a woman who has been told - repeatedly - that pregnancy would put her life in jeopardy? It was as though they thought something was wrong with me because I didn’t want to risk my life for a hypothetical baby /11

I firmly told them that no I didn’t want to be a mother - I was barely healthy enough to care for myself. That IF I changed my mind I would happily consider adoption. They sneered and said “you may want biological children - many women do.” /12

In response to my theoretical “dream man” who wants to have a baby with me… I told them if he was really the man of my dreams he wouldn’t care if I was barren. If he cared - then he wasn’t the “one”. That got me fast tracked to ANOTHER psych evaluation /13

When I started dating someone - I brought him with me to meet the gynaecologist in the hopes HE could change her mind. Instead they asked HIM to sit through an inquisition where he had to repeatedly assure them he wouldn’t “leave me” for being unable to procreate /14

The experience was infuriating - especially considering the tenuous state of my health. I was in and out of ERs with severe anemia and hypotension. Off work repeatedly because I couldn’t get off the bathroom floor. Yet I was somehow supposed to WANT to become a mother? /15

Had my boyfriend wanted a vasectomy no one would have batted an eye. As Tim pointed out in his original post - men are simply trusted to know what’s best for their bodies. /16

Yet here I was being told I couldn’t possibly make a sound choice for my own health & wellbeing - while simultaneously being pushed to raise a child. Even at 21 it struck me as odd that they thought I was good enough to parent - but not to make my own health decisions. /17

The hysterectomy eventually happened - albeit as an emergency due to severe blood loss. Even then they kept saying “are you sure you understand you won’t be able to have kids?”

All I understood in that moment was I felt like nothing more than an incubator. /18

We need to respect women more. We are just as capable of making choices for our health as men. We don’t all WANT to have children - and not all of us are capable of having children. It doesn’t make us “less than”. /19

The way I was treated left me with significant medical trauma and a general distrust of doctors… because at no point did I truly feel like they had my best interests at heart. /20

I’m more than my fertility. More than my ability to be someone’s girlfriend, wife, mother. More than my disabilities. I’m a whole person who had hopes and dreams which were being actively discouraged by their reckless refusal to give me the medical care I needed. /21

My sincere hope is that in time this will never happen to any young woman. That they will be treated equally with men and allowed to choose for themselves what they want to do with their bodies. That they be believed, trusted & respected in all the ways I wasn’t. /end

The doctors dithered for so long about my hypothetical baby… I needed the hysterectomy performed as an emergency surgery. That surgery - and the medical neglect & errors that followed - nearly cost me my life. You can read about it here: disabledginger.com/p/my-most-dang…